This is INSANE!
Hey brightsunnyday,
I figured I'd toss my two cents into the ring. First off, I *love* how you wrote "I get out of bed because I refuse to give up and lose my life." I also hear you on wanting to enjoy life, vs enduring it - thanks for spelling it out like that.
At any rate, I'm not sure if depression is genetic and/or situational. I'm happy to think that it's both, because that would imply that I didn't bring this mess onto myself! My doctor found that I have a vitamin B12 deficiency that may also be playing a role, and I've found that popping a B-complex vitamin daily to be helpful.
I've decided that this time around, my goal with depression is to manage it rather than to cure it - that way I'm setting myself up more for success. In the past, I've wanted to be done with depression once-and-for-all, but after it would come back (usually two yrs later), those feelings of 'failure' would compound with the usual depression-madness-cycles and I'd feel plenty worse.
I'm thinking that it's hard to control how you feel (like depression, or shame) - rather than fighting feelings, it's been better for me to let the feelings pass through me, or digest. That said, I would prefer to digest depression faster, but in the mean time, there's always a new recipe to try out (cooking is my go-to to feel better, nothing, distracted, or occupied). I also keep a Bookmarks folder on my computer of short videos that will more than likely crack me up. Just some kind of small action/behavior that goes counter to how I was feeling before it.
I've read that the components of enjoying life are having (1) something to do, (2) someone to love, and (3) something look forward to ("Too Soon Old, Too Late Smart" by Gordon Livingston). I try to keep that in mind when finding new stuff to try out.
Hmm.. also.. trying to avoid stress at all costs sounds stressful to me! Just a thought.
