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Posts created by cvdeb

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 102

Severe Motivational Problems

Hey Melcuff,

You are not alone. I'm feeling exactly as you are, but I'm also new. I just started taking an antidepressent yesterday (Pristiq), and just finished reading the first session here. I too can barely get out of bed, have missed work, feel like a shower would be a huge overwhelming task.... it's pretty bad. I found the site because I quit smoking (which I think) triggered the depression. I've been diagnosed with MDD/generalized anxiety disorder. Hopefully the meds will help along with working this program.

Nice to meet you :)

deb

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 102

hello's

Josie, thank you for directing me to this program. Still smoke free by the way!

Just a quick hello. I've just been diagnosed with MDD/generalized anxiety disorder after battling with severe depression for a bit of time now. Sleeping too much, can't move, don't want to leave the house, etc. Pretty much meet the criteria on all levels except for suicidal ideation. It's impacting my day to day functioning. I just started 50mgs of Pristiq yesterday only after complete desperation (not a huge fan of meds). But I'm willing to try anything at this point and try to be a little more proactive about my own health.

I've read through session one (it was very good by the way), and printed out the mood thermometer. I just need to find the motivation to fill it out. Seriously!

So hi :) Nice to meet all of you. Some of you I already know, and some of you I don't. But I've enjoyed poking around and seeing what people are talking about and what the program is all about.

deb

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 102

hello's

Thanks everyone :)

Still struggling but managed to do my activity login for the day. I was also able to shower and go into work for 2 hours which was a hug accomplishment. I feel slightly hopeful. I'm on my second day of the antidepressant, and haven't felt any huge side effects, but did notice as I was driving the 40 minutes to work, that I was starting to see colors again. I remember that when I had to take an antidepressant in '91, that that was the first thing I noticed when the medicine started working. I could see colors again. So that is why I'm feeling hopeful.

I'm really trying. I'm hoping to get outside tomorrow and do things around the yard. I also really want to do some dishes. Things are so hard. There's so much more that I really need to do, but I thought that perhaps I should only try to do what I can handle. So far that hasn't been much. Not being able to do much is adding to the depression. It really is a downward spiral.

But here's the thing. I know I will get better. I know it's really hard right now, but I know it's going to get better if I can reach out, and take care of my own business. I'm super okay working the program, of course want things to be better right now!, but know that that's not how it works. So if you all can bear with me, I will be writing everyday because that's what I need to do.

Thanks for welcoming me

deb

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 102

hello's

Thanks rebe!

I didn't manage to get any of those things done..... woke up at noon again. BUT, I was able to get into the shower and go to my kindergartner's valentines party at school. Seeing the look on his face when I came in was so worth it! I was also able to go get groceries. I think the medicine I'm taking is starting to work. I don't feel much better, but my energy levels are coming up. Today was able to get up by 10:30.

So that's my check in for today. Still using my activity/mood tracker and it's interesting to see some patterns there.

deb

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 102

hello's

Even trying to check in everyday is a challenge.

But everyday is getting a little better I think. After watching lots of things die in my garden from my lack of ability to get to it, I spent a wonderful day outside planting and weeding. A first in 6 months. It was a lovely 70 degrees here today, and I needed to go smell the earth, dig my hands into it, and nutrure some plants. Ferns, Camillia's, Oxalis, Iceland Poppys, renunclus, pansys, bare root roses, delphiniums........

. It was a beautiful day, and I tried really hard to just focus on the moment. No worry about past or future.

I live on a creek and my neighbor has a 5 year-old son too. He had my son and his down in the creek building a wading pool. I could hear folk music wafting from his house, and the kids laughing. I heard my son yell, "Oh no!!!!! I see a sting ray!!!!" Which is impossible. So I laughed really hard for the first time. Walked over and we all played in the creek.

Just reporting a good day. Thanks for listening.

deb

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 102

Group Discussion on Session 1

Hi,

I dropped out for a bit. I've been isolating like crazy (I won't even answer my phone) but I did finish session one. I wish I was on the same track as everyone else, but I also know it was important to start here. I noticed my depression is worse in the morning after I wake up, and the general feeling is 'I have to try and get through this day-- again.' My mood generally improves as the day goes on.

I have taken 2 weeks off of work, and also work with very negative people. I'm a therapist that works with domestic violence perpetrators, and also with child abuse perpetrators. At my other job, I'm a director for a senior's program. So I have tons of contact with people. I use the same technique that Goofy uses-- the drive home is long and gives me time to change the channel. But it still gets to me sometimes. Especially during depression. I understand what you said notaclue-- When I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed by the constant demands and neediness of others, it feels like there's nothing left for anyone else-- myself included. I know one important thing that I need to start implementing into my program is some self care everyday. Maybe a lot of self-care.

The activity tracker taught me that I also need to reprogram my mornings a bit to get off of the negative track. I'm not sure what that should be yet, but I'll get it figured out.

It was helpful reading everyone's posts for this session. Thanks for writing.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 102

Group Discussion on Session 1

Please, someone write back.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 102

Group Discussion on Session 1

Thanks Tiger and Ashley :)

A little bit of encouragement goes a long way and gave me the boost I needed to go on and read through session two (lots of information!). I will have to read it twice because I'm having trouble concentrating. But it looks really good.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 102

question

Hi Everyone :)

I know (logically anyway), that MDD is an illness. At the same time, it feels like it's something I should snap out of. I also know (again logically), that it takes a long time to go through the recovery process.

I'm on my 13th day on Pristiq, and I do notice that I have more energy, but my mood isn't improving yet-- except for yesterday. Yesterday I woke up and felt like my old self. I had plenty of energy, felt happy, cleaned the whole house, and had a couple of dinner guests over. Today, I feel right back where I was when I was diagnosed. I had a great deal of difficulty getting out of bed, have zero motivation to do anything, am very tired, and have a bit of a sucky attitude.

To not feel completely defeated, I had to remind myself that I'm dealing with an illness and that I'll have good days and bad as I move through my recovery. But I'm not sure if I'm buying it.

Have others found this to be true for their own recovery? That weirdly, you have a healthy day, and the next you feel emotionally/physically crippled? It's disheartening. I just wanted to check in with everyone else about their experience with this.

deb

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 102

question

Hi Ashley,

Pristiq can take anywhere from 3 days to two months

. I did notice a small change around the 3rd day (a bit more energy), but since then, it seems to have leveled off. I know it's working on some level-- I'm just trying to be patient and hope that it gradually builds to a level that works for me.

Thanks Goofy! Your post was very helpful. I need to be doing more and I know it. So far I've just gone to the doc's and gotten the prescription, and joined here. That seemed to be all I can handle at the moment. I'm on session 2, and contemplating working it is overwhelming. Everything feels overwhelming. I finally forced myself out of bed at 11am, but honestly could have stayed there all day. I'm scheduled to go back to work tomorrow and I'm worried about my ability to make it through the day. I know what you mean about being use to being a person who gets a heck of a lot done, and now I pull out my cheerleader outfit when I brush my teeth.

I feel so desperate to get better.

Thanks to you both for writing back.

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