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13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 72

Happy I found all of you!!

also just want to say it scares me to post - after I reveal stuff I know I cannot take it back to keep it a secret and worry if I'm doing this right (posting).

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 72

Happy I found all of you!!

Thank you both for your comments.

With not cutting my hair- I see something good coming from it - I will finally like what I see.

I put away one item this Am since I won't be using it for a couple of weeks, but I put it on a top shelf that is almost empty and right out front so I can see it. Well, atleast I put it away.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 72

Why Me?

Perhaps if there is an animal shelter, vet or zoo in your area, you could spend time helping to heal some of the cats that are rescued. It's a great feeling.A real booster! (I have the 12 steps ingrained into me to a fault, perhaps, so I apologize if I have said or say something wrong - The 9th step is about ammends - and I had alot of those to do and had to be quite creative at times.)

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 72

Why Me?

oh, I'm so sorry, my heart goes out to you.

I've atleast learned one more thing about you - you have a kind and loving heart.

we have a disabled cat - she was shot by kids when she was a kitten and lost one of her front arms.

She was anti-social until I started to rub her cheeks and head the way a cat usually

does if they have both arms. since then, she is a totally changed cat, follows me where

ever I go, even sits on my lap, as long as I give her rubs. I lay on the floor with her and listen to her purr.

that's probably my best quiet time.

i felt bad for one of our discus. she gave birth to babies but has 'lost' them. it's sad for me

to even watch her as she mourns them. her whole demeaner has changed.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 72

Rebuilding Your Self Esteem

it amazes me how easily my self esteem can take a hit and bottom out. then all I can do is figure out ways to rebuild it.

As a child into adulthood my mother always told me I was too stupid to become anything, and I surely lived up to her expectations. I had to prove to myself I was smart to an extreme. Had to go for two masters and almost PhD completion.

After doing much work on myself I felt like a human that could hold my head up high and believe in myself without what other people, especially my mother thought of me. After having an article published I brought her a copy to read. When she was done, she asked in disbelief if I wrote that. When I said yes and why would she ask that - she said she didn't think I was smart to beable to do something like that (she put down all my schooling and even nursing and ministerial degree over the years). As I stood before her, I shrank back into that 6 y/o child who thought I'd never amount to anything. It was at that time I decided I would never try for her approval again. Although I had compassion for her as a woman who had probably gone thru her own tragedies, as a mother she did nothing but complain and criticize.

Now fast forward years after feeling good about myself, I hit middle age and went downhill in my self-esteem.it lasted 1 1/2 years until little by little i found different ways to make me feel better. i even asked strangers where ever i was who were older how they went thru my period of adjustment. some answered openly, some thought i was crazy. i didn'tt care, i just knew i had to get myself out of it. and it all led to the uncovering of my panic/anxiety attacks, OCD, PTSD, Bi-polar, you name it, it all fit in. and that's where i am today with flashbacks and stuff from the past that got triggered that needs further healing.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 72

The food and mood connection

I can definitely feel a difference from the foods I ingest.

Especially since I am a sensitive hypoglycemic.

After watching a documentary about the meat industry, we switched to organic foods from local farmers/ranchers. And as much other organic products as we can. (not to say they are any better, still searching that out).

I can certainly feel a difference, I feel healthier and clearer, calmer, I'd even say happier.

When I don't eat sugar, and most of the time I don't, I feel more stable, alert, and eneretic.

I will say when I do eat the wrong type of sugar, I get moody, even hostile.

Unfortunately for me, I am allergic to the chemical in chocolate. Boo Hoo!

Instead of boosting the chemicals in my brain, they turn on me. I can show rage, hostility, act like a maniac, and my brain feels like it is in a vice. After two major episodes last year of acting out big time,I stopped eating chocolate, and have not had any episodes. I luckily lost my craving for it and got thru Halloween without it.

I made my husband a special dessert and he wasn't around to test taste it, so I licked a small dab of chocolate off my finger. Even though I tried to rinse my mouth, the next day I was moody and irritable.

If I need comfort food to help me relax, it can be fresh baked biscuits or bread - the smell does just as much to relax me as eatting it. And there are many others. If I've had a very bad week, I will have a pint of ice cream once a month all at once, it makes me happy! There are many childhood foods, also along with smells, that give me that sense of security.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 72

Oh Boy, What a Day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'd love to hear how you deal with the type of people I describe below. It baffles me that I have yet to figure them out.

Maybe there is no figuring out. I am just amused that people are like that. But it brings on panic attacks, so I need to know how to handle situations like this so they don't frighten me into wanting to hide from the world and stay in my own cacoon.

Our day started out with an owner (we have a property mgt co) being nasty to us, and accusatory. After my husband told him there was no reason for him to talk to us that way and there are other ways to communicate, he kept going on, until finally my husband hung up on him. He called back, we let him leave a message, which was just as nasty. So, I called him back, and explained things to him and asked him to call one of our contractors to get a better understanding of the work that was done. After which he called us back, and although he stopped being nasty he still had the tone of sounding like a father, who was an abuser, talking to his children. We new he was nuts when he started with the accusatory remarks that made no sense, he really went off the deep end. He did apologize but did it in that patronizing voice.

Then, we had anincident with a renter who illegally had a dog in their dwelling and left it there over night while they weren't there. The dog barked thru most of the night (no eggageration), and peed and pooped on the carpet. When I spoke to her about it, especially since we had a similar conversation a week ago. When we told her they had to pay for the carpet to be cleaned, she got irate with me/ I just don't get that type of person. I told her to not take the focus off her and said no consideration for her neighbors. And this was after we did her/husband a favor to help them out.

So, tell me what it is about people like that. How to not let it affect me/my husband. We're sensitive people, highly ethical,and are very caring to our owners/renters.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 72

SAD has returned

I did B12 shots for my anemia and it definitely gave me more energy. My physician gave the shots to me.

I've also taken specific B vitamins for anxiety/stress and it worked when I found the correct dosage. it wasn't some bottle sitting on a shelf that had lost its potency, even if the date said otherwise, I special ordered it after researching it. But that's just me, I have a high tolerence. it did not help the panic attacks. But I was in a state of fear/panic through out the day and worse at night.

I used to drink one of the shakes gold's gym made and I felt great afterwards. I bought all the same items and made it every AM. I felt really alive. I could feel the oxygen in my body and it was as if my blood stream felt very alive.

I am just about off all meat and poultry, fish, etc. I would (and will start again) have a shake of spiralina (again, fresh Hawaiian) not from a bottle and my brain and body felt clear. and, of course, fresh salads, etc. In planting seasons, only fresh. And of course, no alcohol or recreational drugs.

I found it just wasn't enough to just have vitamins, but to take total care. I certainly feel the difference when I don't, sluggish, brain dead, etxc. BUT that's just me, and I've rambled on, sorry.

Looking forward to get past thanksgiving to get back on track.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 72

How to avoid Holiday Stress Part 2

Davit,

Great prayer. Good timing. I was feeling a bit down. I was thinking how some people are born writers, musicians, etc. their craft just flows from them. And then I took a look at my life and how empty it feels and that I blew it by not following my dream of being a successful psychologist, self esteem way to low, bottom of the barrel. When I had my counseling practice(after I finally healed in many ways) it flowed from me the same way it flowed from an artist. but, life happens, unforeseen events create changes and so on and so forth.

And then I opened to the poem you posted. I've been puting it off, and I will make sure I follow thru tomorrow and call the volunteer ofc at the hospital and start doing more for others and/or the suicide hotline (to volunteer, that is!). I know it will help lift the part of my depression related to achievements.

To the topic - holiday was just my husband and myself. made a roast and stuffing (stuffing more important then turkey anyday!) and apple crumble(yum). nice and realxing. then on Saturday, we raked hours worth of leaves - what a blast - now I remember why children love to jump in piles of leaves - it's so soft and fluffy and they go flying everywhere!

both parents are deceased. son in NY with his dad's family. my sister and I haven't spoken in almost 7 years. before that we tried to be friends and it lasted only a year. before that year we hadn't spoken for four years, and so on and so forth. so, this time, I decided i'll have compassion for her from afar, but will no longer allow myself to be abused by her. And it's been like that since early childhood.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 72

Happy I found all of you!!

I have 'always' in the past been impulsive, whether it is writing something or saying something.

After the last time for each of those, I have finally slowed down.

My husband, who has the patience of a saint has the ability to wait before responding. He has been my role

model and teacher by helping me.

I don't know if this is a man thing or not - he writes from logic, whereas, and perhaps this is a woman thing - I write from emotion. In our business, we can get phone calls or letters, some of which are pact with an emotional bang. After he writes his logic response I put in a couple of emotional words so the person will 'get it'. And vise versa, I will have him edit my letters or responses to write it with less emotion and more logic. And it works every time.

I was always told that expression about - you can catch more bees with honey ....(cant remember it - I'm sure someone knows what it is).

Now that all my meds have kicked in it has helped me to be more 'passive' by using assertiveness instead of aggression.

I used to tell everyone that it's because I'm from NY (I live in southern UT now) aggression is in my blood.

We made a joke out of it - and when we needed to be aggressive - my husband would say - pull a NY on them.

Now he says after hearing me respond to someone - that he would have been more strong.

When I'm about to make a call - he reminds me to be gentle, although it's been quite awhile since I shot arrows at anyone.

I think I only did it once recently because I taste tested something that had chocolate in it.

Anyway, nice to read in your post that you wait. It's another person confirming what I am learning. Thank you.

Andie

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