I am newly signed up and I have had mild panic attacks since I was a kid, but they started intensifying a a couple months ago. Tonight my husband starts his third shift job and I am freaking out. The Dr put me on Celxa last wednesday but I actually feel shakier. I am not sure if it is just because I know tonight he will be gone or if it is the meds. I have never been on meds before except once to get on an airplane. And that was Ativan.
I have not taken the Ativan, I kind of feel like it today but I have not. I am also a smoker and have smoked way too much to try to relax myself but I feel like I have a smoke hangover.
I think the things going on now are just overwhelming me and that is why I am so bad. Hubby worked third shift until about two years ago. Our house burned down on halloween night of 2007, then he got switched to a 5am to 1am shift then again this year he was switched to 7 to 4. Now his job moved to Boston so he is third shift. I also have three kids, They are 20, 17 & 14 ( Not that I have to say too much about having kids those ages) the 14& 17 year olds may have to go to Summer school. I will find out tuesday, the 17 year old got his license two weeks ago and while he was driving the gas tank fell off the truck. They told me that he was lucky that it did not catch on fire. They had to close down the road because of the gas. My 20 year old is pretty good, she took me out yesterday and I was nice and relaxed with her but this morning I woke up shaking and very depressed.
It also does not help that I have two jobs. I work in a corporate office doing accounting during the day and two nights a week I work at Subway. The first job is high stress which I never had a problem with before but the boss tends to make you feel like you are not doing a good job. I called in sick Thursday because I felt so horrible but I went in Friday and it wasn't too bad. The other supervisor talked to me and made me feel a bit better. I feel like I am over-analyzing when my hubby leaves tonight.
I also did not want to become dependent on the Celexa, I don't really want to be on it for the rest of my life. I feel like I need to take control back but I am not sure how to do it
My house burned down at 9pm. We were not home we were out with the kids. Hubby was working a haunted house. I thought my middle son was in the house and freaked out. I think I only cried once about the house ( my grandfather's great uncle built it) so I think it is all pent up and added things that are bothering me now. Wednesday will be a week that I have been on the meds, I hope I calm down. I can't stand being with myself at this point. I have a middle school graduation Tuesday and the rest of the week I have to be at work because it is month end. The next two weeks are going to be busy. I totally don't have time for this.
I have had the shakes all day today but I can't tell if it is because I am over thinking or it is the meds but it is freaking me out.
My boys fight constantly, last month my husband and I ended up at the hospital with the 14 year old because they were fighting and he ended up with a fractured thumb.
Oh and one more question, does anyone go off the meds once they start? or is this just a rest of my life kind of thing. When I told my Dr I did not want to be on them for the rest of my life he told me about a man who went on them in November and said that he felt fabulous and doesn't want to go off them. I just don't want to be dependent on meds for my life.
I have also been having like hot flashes since I started this medication, when I had anxiety before I would get hot and sweat but it seems like someone turned a light bulb on inside me and it feels different. I called to talk to a councelor Thursday but one place had no openings and the other was an answering machine and did not call back. I also called the EAP place that a lot of corporate places have but that was yesterday and the admisitration was closed. I was not sure if the councelors were qualified to just talk on the phone so I said OK I would call back Monday.
Yes the boys fight constantly, the middle one fights with my husband. They are like oil and water.
Hot flashes - I hit 40 last summer so I started wondering if I was having other issues as well but I woke up this morning with the gift so that is not helping. I have wicked cramps too.
The panic came on hard last week after the gas tank fell off my son's truck, It may have brought the memories back along with Dave going third shift.
I am usually a happy go lucky person ( I have had anxiety attacks but can usually overcome them) so it is freaking me and my family and friends out. They have been helpful though.
Hubby just left but I have not gone up to my room yet, hopefully I sleep well. I know the first night will be rough. Today I had the shakes until about 2pm and I woke up at 7am. Makes for a long day. I played on the computer though for a lot of the day and read up on a lot here and that calmed me down a bit. I have been using the box breathing and maybe before bed I will try the muscle relaxation. Hopefully in the morning I will not wake up with the shakes again though
I did not take the Ativan today. I almost came close. I was so sick of the shakes and sadness it was driving me insane. I ended up doing mushmind stuff that took my mind off of him going to work and by the time he left I was calm enough to not freak out. I am debating on if I should call him to make sure he got in at 11. He is almost an hour away now, we will pass each other on the highway in the morning. I am sitting with my daughter now. I am watching Troop Mom and she is reading. Comfort for now until bedtime. Hopefully by morning I will be good.
Oh no I just chose not to take it... I don't really like taking anything. ( I am still a bit freaked out by taking the Celexa but I feel better knowing I will be able to get off of it)The last time I took Ativan was to get on an airplane. We went to TN to meet friends that is recording a country CD and I was having a hard time with it. It was great once it kicked in but I was exhausted when it wore off. I can't miss work tomorrow because I have Tuesday off for my son's promotion day into the high school. I am actually doing quite well tonight, Dave left for work. He left about an hour and a half ago and got lost. I am staying awake until he calls to let me know he got there OK.
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