To put it simple.YES! There are a lot of posts to read but yes there are improvements and some of us concider ourselves successes. Unfortunately I think a lot of the successes go away happy and we don't hear about them. It would be nice if a few people besides me were shouting that yes you don't have to live with panic. Welcome and feel free to ask all the questions you want.

Peace

Davit.

This is the sort of situation that sublingal Ativan was meant for. It only has a 1 hour half life, and is out of your system in 4. Now I'm not advocating you jump on the drug band wagon, and I for one will never use it again.(I'm an Ativan Addict) It works in less than 15 minutes, and if you only had to fly once a week it would be perfectly safe. As long as that is all you used it for. I once had to go by air ambulance (Lear Jet ). I was terrified as they loaded my stretcher but with the Attivan I enjoyed the trip. There are situations where the advantages outway the dissadvantages and this is one of them. Sorry about your promotion.

Peace 

Davit.

Could it be that subconciously you are realizing that you can be better, that you can function, that since some of us have got better so can you. Did you notice that right now you are thinking very positive. The people that win think positive. Keep it up,you are on the road to recovery and allthough it's a long road it is the right road. You should save your post as a reminder that you can be happy in case you get a set back. I kept a journal with all the good times in it so when I got down I could read it and it helped a lot. Keep posting. keep telling us how happy you are and you will be, I'm sure of it.

So congratulations on having a good day.(sorry if I sound bossy here, I'm just a little excited.)

Davit.

Actually I feel that is one of the big problems with medication, it masks stress but doesn't make it go away, and it doesn't have to be medication either. People are good at sweeping there problems under the rug. BUT THERE STILL THERE. My way of dealing with them is to fix what I can and put what I can't on the back burner for later. My experience is that it all eventually either gets fixed or it really wasn't all that important. And we do put to much emphasis on little things. Spending a lot of time in hospitals has really put it all into perspective. When a person might possibly die then nothing else is really all that important. Well I'm still alive and I really enjoy life and I try real hard to not let any thing bother me. Some people might think I'm brain dead but the truth is I'm just happy. And I'm happy with myself, and that went a long way to getting rid of the panic. Do I get the blues? Yeah every body does, I just think there part of life and have to be rode out. Besides after years of panic, what's a little depression. Maybe it's just an excuse to rest, it works for me. So watch out for the hidden stress, and if you need medication to handle it while you figure out how to deal with it so be it just please don't use it as a crutch. Enjoy life even if right now you can't live it.

By the way stress is still stress whether it's physical or mental, it still has the same debilitating affect.

Peace, be happy, no stress. (well less anyway)

Davit.

I have to agree with Sunny, word for word. You have to find a safe way to let off steam. I like the pillow punching bit.

Are you taking a SSRI. Anger can be a side effect. If so you'll just have to ride it out. Most people have anger during an attack ,they just aren't willing to admit it. Friends and familly need to know this is a symptom, IT'S NOT YOU. I hope this helps.

 Davit.

Once again, slow down. One thing at a time. your trying too hard, your going to fall on your face. Your only 47, you have time. If your family will take you back when your better then you still mean something to them. Don't you think they will wait. One thing at a time. you were doing good driving but you didn't have it licked before adding some thing else. Keep working on the driving and when you can do it consistantly every thing else will fall into place. And guit beating yourself up for the odd coffee. I know how hard it is to give up some things. Now I want you to get better and I know you can do it. But I don't want to make you mad, that won't help, so all you have to do is post the two words GO AWAY and I will. If any one thinks I'm being tough here you should meet my therapist. Hard to believe some one that cute can spit nail but she can.  Remember, it can be done but not over night. Why don't you ask your familly for a tiny repreive just for the hollidays, after all it's not like your not trying. Afterwards you will work harder knowing you have a definite goal to work towards with lots of time.

Peace.

Davit.

 

Many have mentioned this fear of death, It only means that you now have a reason to live. you want to get better and live now. It's not a bad thing and it does go away. Take it as a good sign.

Davit.

 Here is an example of hidden stress. By the way it's three in the morning. Today I was given the bad news that the pins and screws in my right leg have come loose. When I asked what would have to be done about it and why did it happen, my doctor didn't know. All he could do is refer me to a specialist. He also couldn't tell me if I had infection again. I did my shopping and other things in a daze. I don't have any one to talk to about this, and I let myself think about all the bad things about going to the hospital again instead of reminding my self that I'm perfectly capable of handling it. And of course I may not have to go and if I do it probably won't be for six months like last time. So here I am in the middle of the night and this ridiculous stressing myself over some thing  that I have little control over has sent me down the wrong road again. I tried to panic. I woke up with my heart pounding, and a need to go to the toilet, poor coordination,and of course the warped thinking. It's all gone except the elivated heart rate. That will go too when the adrenalin comes out of my blood stream. Sounds like a panic attack,right. The panic was gone before I could boot up my computer, in fact this time I only had about half the symptoms. This was more like a night mare than any thing. It was good to have though. It was a good reminder of what you people are still going through. The thing is I didn't have to do any thing about it. How do I explain this. I am now conditioned to not panic instead of panic. All the positive thinking exercises have paid off. This is all subconcious. My mind kicks in on it's own. This isn't some thing I had to do. I'm not explaining this well. And why not. I still have the brain fog, I just don't have any panic. Actually I'm sitting here with a smile on my face because I sound so ridiculous to me. If any thing I feel a little like I'm drunk. Will I have another attempt at panic some time? Probably. Will I survive it? Of course. Why not I survived this one.  I guess that what I'm trying to say is that if you try to think positive all the time you will become conditioned to handle the panic in a normal way. It doesn't mean you won't still panic over some stress, hidden or not. It just means that now you will be able to shrug it off. I think I had better give up here before I muddle this up any worse. The point is if I hadn't let myself think negative thoughts about my leg this wouldn't have happened. I'd still be happily asleep. 

Now would some one please spend the next few days thinking nothing but positive things, try to find something good in every situation and let me know if it makes the panic fade, after all this is just a hypothesis of mine, Maybe its not true. See the negative thoughts sneaking in here. Another example of hidden stress. Truth is it is such a good feeling to know I can panic and nothing happens but I lose a little sleep.

Peace everyone.

Davit.   

Just a quick note here. When I was 30 I had to put my father in hospital because he had alziemers and I could no longer care for him. It caused a nervous breakdown and I was on medication for a while. Some times we have no control over what happens to us in our life. My father still haunts my thoughts, but like the shrink said. I COULD DO NOTHING ELSE. You may not be able to change the past or even your peception of it but you can most certainly change how you deal with it. Bring it to the front where you can deal with it. Ashley is right follow the program it will help. Good luck , even the silent ones here are chearing for you.

Peace

Davit