I guess I need to vent...I was bullied as a kid and find now that I make sure that everyone is included in a situation and no one is left out, but if this doesn't happen, I do get upset and find this leads to a "sad" day. I just don't like it when you have a kid left out, an adult made fun of or people who take advantage of you or a situation you're suppose to be in control of. This happened last night and I'm really mad, I wouldn't do anything, but I need to know how not to get upset and therefore not to make me "sad". I felt so left out as a kid, didn't know how to make friends, didn't know how to act around certain people, mostly bullies so I would act how I think they would want me to act. You get to the point where you're not sure of who you are and what's important to you.
Anyone feel like that? I get upset with people who do that, I guess I have to learn not to take ownership of that, but it's the others that I feel bad for. I don't know???? I'm just frustrated.
You know, when I was speaking to my therapist, she asked me what do I like to do, what is my passion, and I couldn't come up with an answer. You're right, I know what my husband likes and my 3 boys, but I don't know what I really want to do.
Is is low self-esteem that is doing this to us, which would then lead onto depression? I'm finding my husband, his family and some of our friends are quite controlling and I think I'm starting to rebel because I'm finding out that I don't like the bullying, the bossing around, etc. Like you, I don't remember when exactly the time it happened, but I think it was over some years from 8-12 and then my Dad got sick, then we had to deal with that. He died when I was 18, so then I had to grow up really fast. I just want to straighten this out. I'm working with the program and a therapist and she seems to be drumming up all kinds of stuff from my past, kind of scary but interesting.
Thank you for answering gabs, I do know that we are very sensitive people who do have concern for others, sometimes more that we should.
:)
You know, it's hard to trust what exactly you want to do and be like, basically you have to find out who you are and what's important to you. I was asked by my therapist what exactly does Maggie want to do, what is your passion? I couldn't come up with anything. I've done for my husband, my kids, my side of my family and even my husband's side (I'm not a saint by far), but I feel it's my turn...I need to learn to be selfish a bit more...it's hard because when you do this, you feel guilty. But I'm trying and they say it becomes easier as time goes on...here's hoping!!!
I'm sorry that I brought this up... and I'm very sorry for what you've all been through but I just find it amazing how we were treated or how we treated people affects who we are today. I know that sound so simplistic, but in my situation, I've surrounded myself with strong bulley type people and I am just resenting them all in how they are treating me, (I've allowed them to treat me like that), but I need to set up boundaries and say no a little more often. It's like a light bulb went on, apparently, I'm at the age 43ish where we become independent in a different way and we're finding out who and what is important to us, it's our time. I do have friends who are more like me and what I like in a person and am finding I'm getting rid of the "friends" who like to use me, a very much of a one-way friendship. The only thing is my husband and his family are one of "those" friendships, atleast he's willing to work on our relationship.
You're right gabs, people don't know how to react to you when you do say no...and I was told that these people will turn on you because you're not bending to their every beck and call. My husband and I werwe out to dinner with another couple, very casual and our waitress must have been new, well our order was late and cold. I felt bad for her, but my husband said a few choice words to her. I told him to stop and he raised his voice to me infront of everyone. Long story short, I felt embarrassed for the people we were with, I felt bad for our waitress and I was totally embarrased. I just sat there and said nothing and it was like he puffed out his chest and felt that was the right thing to do...bully like right?
I apologized to the couple that were with us for him and I thought this isn't right. I have to say something to him for acting like that and talking to me like that. His father is like that to his mother so "monkey see, monkey do". I'm tired of these bullies, I just need to be strong enought and persistent to deal with it or move away.
I guess I worry for my kids regarding bullies and their personalities. Two of our boys are quiet shy types, not big talkers and our third is more social and loves to talk about everything. I don't want to see what happened to me, happen to them and have to deal with this stuff now as an adult.
Just another thing to add to our list of being parents...things will be fine. Thanks gabs and casey.
You know, my husband has difficulty understanding what I'm going through, but what I have learned is that I can't expect him to fully understand how I feel, how I can't just forget about these feelings. To me, these feelings are real, him, they are just words...he can't join the two. He is empathetic at times, but that's what my friends are for. Sometimes, they know more than he does, and you know, that's ok. I to speak to a therapist and am also taking a small dosage of antidepressants, actually, I'm not sure how he really feels about it, but you know, I don't care, this time is for me and I need to get me better before I can deal with the rest of my family.
I'm sounding pretty brave now, doesn't always happen, but when I do, watch out!!! lololo. We can do this...just keep telling yourself that. I certainly do.
He tries to understand, I guess I must give him that, but to fully understand something, I think you must somehow have gone through something similar. Maybe I'm wrong and not giving him enough credit, or maybe I'm tired of not getting the support I feel I need from a spouse. I feel he has a lot to do with my depression, him expecting a lot from me, I'm a stay at home mom and he's a big professional, he's great with his employees, he does very well, his family puts him on a pedestal and he can't do anything wrong. (I tell them to come and live at my house). I'm finding that I'm tired and I have had enough of this, it's my turn...it's kind of too little, too late sort of thing. So this is what I mean where he doesn't fully understand how I feel because he could never fatham that happening to him or to anyone.
Hopefully, he doesnt, because it sucks. But not for much longer, we will deal with this and carry one stronger, I know it.
Thanks Gabs, you are so right, "educate women, you educate the world, educate the man, and he looks after himself". I laughed so hard when I read this because it is so true in my life. He has a lot of baggage from his past and he's dealing with it by not dealing with it. His whole family all have the same issues. But I'm not his secretary, I'm not his maid, I'm suppose to be his wife. He doesn't know how to deal with the family issues...he is his father and that scares me to death. And I tell him, I will not be your mother, I will not sit around and cater to him anymore. I'm starting a volunteer position on Monday, I can hardly wait (he wanted to know if I get paid for this), and I also quilt and belong to a book club. I do have interests other than him and I think that bothers him...sorry about your luck...right.
Sorry, I am rambling and rambling...I was told not to give up and show him you are an equal. Gabs, you're so right, it's just funny you are saying what I'm thinking. Have a good day today, here, the sun is out, it's cold, but it's good. :)
I was cruising pretty good that last couple of weeks, maintaining some positive thoughts, not letting the negatives ones get in the way and I was approaching that particular time of the month and wham, I sunk...I can't seem to get motivated, and I'm having one negative thought after another. I'm trying to control them and I'm trying to keep busy, which does help, but today's not a good day.
I'm sure there is a relationship to "those dives" and that particular time of the month. And I guess I'm at the age where things are starting to go haywire...any thoughts?
It’s been a while since you were active on this site. Please extend your session below
You have been logged out due to inactivity.
Please sign back in.
We use cookies to help us learn about how our platform is used and how we can improve your experience. To
learn more please see our Privacy Policy and Terms of Use.
