I'm alive! And Timbo was right, I was out in the woods since last Saturday. Killer hike - and I was surprised by a few very intense urges to smoke out there, namely whenever I completed a particularly hard climb. My instinct is still to feel upset whenever a strong crave comes up, but I am getting better and quicker at detaching from it as time goes on. Milder cravings don't phase me at all, they make me chuckle. Intense craves are now super rare but they take effort to not get upset about. And I should also note here that even the so-called "intense" craving are over within a matter of 20 seconds? As long as I keep moving on with my day. No dwEllington allowed in this quit, I will not let that take me down again.
It's so nice to see all these messages here waiting for me - especially the ones saying my quit is inspiring them!!! What a lovely byproduct of something I'm doing 100% for myself. My smoke-free days now number in the 70s, and I'm totally tickled that my thread title is "June quitter" and my quit is now ongoing into September as of tomorrow. Quitting is totally possible!!!! Don't give up trying. This time for me is just one more kick at the can - who knew it was going to actually stick? I just kept trying. So far I have tried to quit one more time than I've failed to quit. That's all it takes.
Day 76. I'm back to real, regular life after my vacation. And in my regular life, I rarely think of smoking now. It doesn't feel like it takes much effort to maintain my quit at this point, which is awesome. I can't believe I'm closing in on three months now, it honestly does not feel like it's been that long. It's funny how hindsight works - what seemed so huge and never-ending in the beginning now seems like a mere blip of time and how silly of me to blow it up into giant proportions. A little grim determination early on got me so many rewards in return. Cravings now really only pop up when I encounter the less routine, once-in-a-while smoking triggers - the day to day stuff is firmly divorced from smoking. I wrote several weeks ago that I only "actively don't smoke" 3-5 times a day (as in I had to work 3-5 times per day to dismiss an urge to smoke). By now, I'd say that time has been reduced to maybe 2 times per week. And the effort it takes to do the "work" has been reduced as well.
So, in less than three months I went from hopeless failed quitter sucking a butt down out in the park where I wouldn't be seen, to someone who only thinks of cigarettes a couple times a week. And those thoughts aren't necessarily desires to smoke, but merely thoughts of smoking. It really doesn't have to take a long time to retrain a brain.
I so resonate with your last post, it sounds like we have similar backgrounds. And my opinion is that it's harder to QUIT hard drugs, but it's easier to relapse with smoking, if that makes sense. Plus, when you relapse with cigarettes, you now have 20 or 25 of them, vs just a hit or two of dope. I used that line on myself in the earlier days of my quit - if I bought a pack, I wasn't buying one relapse; I was buying 20 relapses. That was a lot less justifiable and more obviously ridiculous and pathetic, and therefore it was easier to stay away from it. Keep kicking at this can. You already know it's in you to leave this stuff behind, because you've done it before in other areas of your life. Keep trying.
IS TODAY THE TWO-WEEK MARK??!!
I'm seeing a lot of similarities in our approaches to quitting, and a lot of attitude similarities. I'm enjoying reading on with this, so post post post!!
Day 78. Guys, I did not think of smoking even once yesterday. Even when my partner paused our movie THREE times to get up for a smoke, it wasn't even on my radar. As if him doing that had absolutely nothing to do with me, beyond the fact that I got to read a page out of my book while he was up. I've had a small handful of these days by now, when there is not only no struggle, but no thoughts or identification with smoking. Now all of my thinking is taken up with my new braces and the awful bite plate I just got, lol.
Over two weeks, that's awesome. You're now in the period of time when I had to be very vigilant. Day 14-30 were challenging for me as the sense of immediacy and urgency were gone from the quit. But then it got SO GOOD, so keep going!!! I'm glad my tip about not focusing on the thoughts is helping. It makes things so much easier for me, to just observe the thought and then move on. Don't get personally or emotionally invested in the craving and it just sort of *poof* disappears.
Aww, I want you to stick around! Building that self-disgust was a really awful bit crucial part of my quit lol. It built and built and built until it broke and I was plain sick of myself and my endless excuses for why I needed one more smoke, why I failed one more time. It unfortunately took me 1-2 years to get to that tipping point (so I was in self-loathing or self-defeat for much of that time), but I wouldn't have quit this time if I hadn't reached that point. I'd prefer to see someone posting about failing but keep trying, than the endless one-post ponies around here :P (and for any lurking one-post ponies, come back!)
Day 80 :) I am so excited to be closing in on the 90 day mark. And even more excited about the fact that I don't doubt I will reach 90 days. I remember not being sure if I'd hit two weeks. Then not being really sure I'd hit 30 days. But I am 100% sure I will hit 90 days, and that confidence and ability to trust myself is even better than the actual day count. I am SO SO SO SO happy that today I can say thay I haven't smoked in over two months, instead of saying, "Damn it Stella, if you'd just stuck to it two+ months ago, it would be over by now" (which was my refrain for the entire year before I finally stuck to this quit).
Sparrow, my ongoing braces journey is my reward to me :) My bite plate feels more like a punishment lol, but it's so distracting that the thought of smoking on top of it just seems tiresome. My brain is full, haha, no room for smoking thoughts, so just go away. That's how I've been feeling the past few days - thoughts of smoking feel tiresome. On the same level as thinking of an overflowing laundry hamper. I like to think of it as the addiction itself growing tired of fighting. It can see who's in charge now, and its efforts to thwart me are growing increasingly pathetic and meek. Sparrow, freedom from ALL addictions feels SO GOOD. Indescribable. I mentioned in an earlier post that as a side effect of quitting smoking, some of my other not-helpful behaviours have fallen away as well. Prior to this quit, I was free of my "primary" addictions, but addiction lived on through smoking, the way I treated food, avoidant behaviour at times, watching too much Netflix, etc. Throughout the past 80 days it's like I totally leveled up in my recovery. I have so much time and brain space that was previously unavailable to me. Do not stop trying.
I hope no one minds if I continue to use this space for one entire "trip around the sun". My posts will naturally grow fewer and farther in between I'm sure, but I want to document the full year and stay accountable. Complacency is my < enemy now. This thread helps me stay grateful, and that gratitude keeps me smoke-free.
Yay, I'm glad you changed your mind :) Have you considered something like Champix? I honestly don't think I would have been successful without using it for the start of my quit. It took a lot of the panic out of the first few weeks for me. I tried NRT as well but that was a failure for me because I remained acutely aware that I was still fully hooked on nicotine and whenever I tried to not use the NRT I panicked and smoked. I really learned that the most important thing for my quit was to remove the panic I felt every time I tried to quit. Something to think about anyway.
It’s been a while since you were active on this site. Please extend your session below
You have been logged out due to inactivity.
Please sign back in.
We use cookies to help us learn about how our platform is used and how we can improve your experience. To
learn more please see our Privacy Policy and Terms of Use.
