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Changing your relationship with alcohol

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1022

I was going to write and ask how to find my "authentic self" ... and then this inner voice started jumping up and down and saying, "I have a choice! I forgot, I forgot... I have a choice!" So that sort of takes care of the first question. I just have not been listening. Life sort of piled up and I chose to numb out instead of listen. Wow. Still don't know what I'll decide about the drinking, but I feel energized about working it out. Thank you so much for the reminder. I have a choice. So simple, but I sure needed to hear it from somebody outside my head ;-) ~m

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11226

The drinking you is not the real you. I know the authentic you does care. Know that you have a choice.

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1022

That's a good question. I don't know how to answer it. When I'm drinking, I don't care.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11226

Mapuan,

It certainly sounds like you feel alcohol is an important part of your personality! It is not. There will be an adjustment phase that will be difficult but please know you can be whoever you want to bo. You do not need alcohol to be easygoing.

Who do you want to be?

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1022

Thanks so much for all the encouragement...

I took the "Costs & Benefits Survey" found in the toolbox and my results show that I feel there would be more costs than benefits. I guess I will know when I'm ready to quit or cutback when that imbalance changes. No wonder I'm struggling with the decision.

How would I be different if I cutback/quit?: I would not be nearly so easy going. I would be more intense and less fun. There would be more arguments with my spouse and physical intimacy would be almost non-existent. I would be worried all the time, get my feelings hurt, feel anxious, expect more from myself.

I think that 5 years from now if I quit drinking... my life will be totally different and if I don't it will be the same. I don't know which I prefer.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 557

Hi Mapuan,

I do believe we can learn to control ourselves. It is harder to stop completely than to exercize control over our consumption, and I know some people will never be able to control their consumption, and it is OK. Everybody is different.

From my own experience, I can tell you I went from 60+ drinks per weeks, for at least the last fisteen years. I've stopped for 6 weeks in order to regain control over my drinking, I am back up to 30-35 per weeks. I am aiming to cut this in half for the winter. I know it will be hard work but I do not want to cut completely so I have to make the effort.

In my mind, if I can't succeed within the next few weeks to cut back, I will just stop completely again for another 6-8 weeks until I can get control again and if I can't ... well I guess complete abstinence will be the way to go

Courage, you are not alone in this

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11226

Hi Mapuan,

Your stance certainly is not stupid, it is human. It is normal to feel conflicted on what you want to do. It takes time and drive to make this choice. It's great that you realize change has to come from you. It does not matter what others think and want because in the end you will only change if you really want to.

Work through the program, post and read in the forums and continue to educate yourself. The more you know the more prepared you will be and the more able you will be to make a confident choice. Remember at the Alcohol Help Center we encourage members to make choices that are right for them. For some this means complete abstinence, for others it means cutting back. Again, you have to decide what is right for you.

To get thinking about this choice consider the following questions and post your answers here if you feel comfortable.

How would your life be different if you made this choice to cutback/quit drinking?

How would you be different?

How do you think you will know when you are ready to cutback/quit?

How do you think this choice will effect your life 5 year years from now?

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1022

I've really been thinking about this... I need to want to change my relationship with Alcohol for me, regardless of what others want. The change has to come from me. Either I want to change or I don't. I want to change my relationship with Alcohol because it's not good for my health. ( I was shocked to see from the tests that the amount I drink corresponds with only 1% of the population. Only 1% drink as much alcohol as I do). BUT, I also don't want to live my life sober. And that's the crux of the matter. I hate this. I want to change but I don't want to change. What's with that? How do I get past such a stupid stance?

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1562

The husband seem to fall under the category of a normal drinker whereas the wife seem to have lost control over alcohol. She may be an alcoholic. But it makes the situation very difficult when one is trying to quit and the other wants to continue drinking.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 557

You're not the first person I hear mentioning this. My sister's husband does not like to drink alone so every time she's trying to quit, he just insists so she wine for dinner with him. This make it so much harder because of course, he can stop after 2 glasses but she can't

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Changing your relationship with alcohol