Hi,
My name is Chris. I'm a 29 year-old man. My new year's resolution is to quit smoking for good. I had set a quit date of January 2nd, 2018. I was very, very motivated to quit, and stay quit from cigarettes, and am still highly motivated. I am also an alcoholic/drug addict in recovery (have almost 16 months clean from alcohol and marijuana, and actively work with an AA sponsor). I was a pack-a-day chain smoker for 4 and a half years, even though I had maintained several stretches of sobriety in the AA program. I just started going to a tobacco cessation support group. I can't make it there physically every week, but I have been calling the group and participating in it, via speakerphone. The facilitator of the group is incredibly knowledgeable about tobacco cessation, and I trust that she will be a great resource in my recovery.
Anyway, I had my "last" cigarette around 2:30am on January 2nd. I went to sleep and woke up that day and began using 4 mg nicorette gum. I made it 6 days without a single puff of a cigarette. The nicorette gum has been very helpful to me, as well as drinking water and eating healthy snacks (I've been eating sunflower seeds instead of smoking at night). I work at a restaurant as a pizza cook, and had my last shift before my weekend, tonight. There was one co-worker there who is a smoker. At the end of my shift, I bummed a single cigarette off of him, despite all the mantras I had been repeating in my head ("these things will kill you", "no such thing as just 1 cigarette"). I really need all the help I can get right now; this is why I've started using this forum. The tobacco support group I mentioned just meets once a week, and it's physically far away. AA meetings aren't good for me right now, as I know there are usually smokers there. My AA sponsor doesn't smoke, and is a great, great person for me to reach out and be accountable to. I already call him on the phone 3-4 times a week, and I find that this is sufficient for any cravings I have with alcohol and/or marijuana.
I have issues with caffeine sensitivity, and I think that my 1-cigarette relapse was mainly brought about by drinking way too much caffeine during the day before my work shift. I had two 16 oz. "shot-in-the-dark" coffees during the day before work, and was extremely wired on caffeine. I crashed from it hard, and was very fatigued and mentally foggy during my work shift. I took a break at work without smoking, but noticed my co-worker's pack of cigarettes, and asked him for one after work. I borrowed his lighter, smoked the cigarette, returned his lighter, and returned home, where I am currently writing this.
My plan for tonight is to take a hot bath, drink some water, use Nicorette, and redouble my efforts. Writing this post has already been helpful with my strong feelings of guilt and failure, regarding my slip. To anyone reading this, I need help with the proverbial "void" left over after quitting smoking. During those 6 days of sobriety, I know that I abused caffeine in place of cigarettes, and I know I need help with this in the foreseeable future. I went through an Intensive OutPatient group for alcohol addiction in 2011. I remember one of the facilitators there saying that caffeine activates the same part of the brain as alcohol, and that too much of it can be dangerous to a recovering addict. I know that the addict in me drinks too much caffeine because of the "rush" or "glow" of being wired. Whatever you want to call it.
All this being said, I am still very proud and impressed that I made it even 6 days without a single puff of a cigarette. As it's said in 12-step groups, what's important is "progress, not perfection". My big desire though, is to quit and stay quit, and I'm writing this as a former pack-a-day smoker. More than anything else, I do not want to go back to that ****.
