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Where does Social Anxiety Stem From?

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Where does Social Anxiety Stem From?

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 57

~m , I guess you are right, I shouldn't apoligize, but it's a habit that I am used to . I do try to stay positive, just started therapy about 1 1/2 months ago, I am glad to hear that the "hangover " becomes less scary. Davit, You are so right! I am only hurtin myself, because my parents can't be bothered
with even really listening. House cleaning, I like that, good comparison. jaybe

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

It's like house cleaning. Some times you have to throw things out even if they came from your parents, relatives or friends. If they don't fit in your like and it is causing stress throw it away. The same for mental things dumped on you. Throw them away.

Harder said than done but sometimes necessary and what is better, a little pain for a while or a lifetime of pain and anxiety. It can only lead to a lfe of unneccessary panic. Who are you hurting anyway. Not them, only you.

Davit

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 376

Jaybe, no need to apologize for a good vent. It helps other members to read vents just as much as it helps you to vent. It helps me feel not alone in my struggle to overcome the past. You are so hopeful about the process ... so that really is very helpful. I used to need a couple of days to recover from therapy too... but it has gotten a bit easier since starting the CBT in addition to the therapy. Finally, I'm learning how to manage my thoughts and question my beliefs which means I'm not so afraid of the "therapy hangover" ... You are right ... this healing journey is totally possible. And we are doing it ... yay!

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 57

I believe social anxiety comes from the life we grew up from, My father is a minister, we were always taught about fire and brimestone, but never told we were loved , never showed,I am not close to either of my parents and could never talk to either one on them. My brother has lived a painfully hard life too. Until the last few years, I thought my life was "normal", I listen to people say, I have caring ,loving parents that have helped me be who I am today, and realize I can't say that. On Fathers' day I cried. I never had my parents ever say they were proud of me for anything, I just was critisized for anything I did wrong. I have learned an important aspect in therapy, sometimes you have to set boundaries to protect yourself in healing process. Unresolved issues are hard to try to resolve when they have build up over 30+ yrs., but not impossible! I have wasted much of my life being angry! especially at my brother, I only see him 2-3 times a year and we only live an hr. away. Sorry for the venting , but having an emotional day, went to therapy yesterday and I always have trouble for a few days after to get focused. jaybe

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11

I was painfully shy as a child.

For some reason I knew it would be important to challenge the shyness as I hit teenage years. I forced myself to do things that would expose me to knew people, places and situations. I wasn't always successful, but it helped me learn coping techniques for adulthood.

I seem to have two personas - when at work I override all the anxiety and shyness (i.e I project the confidence to the business). During non-office hours the shyness returns. I seem to lose that confidence and as a result avoid some social outings. Once again I am trying to push those boundaries through volunteer work.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 619

Until I was 18 years old a I was a very shy person. Then I went to the university in Lisbon (Portugal) and lived alone until I was 30 years old. During this period (18-30) I was a very active person, making a lot of friends and being very social. When I was 30 I moved again to my home town and since then I have been suffering from anxiety and depression. For the past 7 years I didn't enjoy meeting new people and avoid social events because I feel bad with myself. Now I understand that this happens because of my cognitive distortions and I am working to resolve theses issues.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1665

Hi -m: My dad was military also. We lived in England, Germany and France. We were always told that we represented Canada in our travels and we were proud of it. However as you state, it can steer too much the other way especially when you have to closet family secrets and sweep everything under the carpet so as to represent a "happy" family and/or you're afraid to be yourself always worrying about how it reflects on the father/family. Families aren't perfect and there is always some dysfunction - unfortunately some families' dysfunction is very damaging to everyone.

Sunny

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

Probably. Shades of "attachment theory". (worth reading)

Davit.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 376

My siblings and I were taught from day one that everything we did and said and thought were reflections of my father and would (whether negatively or positively) have an impact on the success of his career as an army officer. I don't remember ever being praised or congratulated for exemplary behavior, but the retribution for bad behavior (including being painfully shy) was swift and brutal. I am grateful that my step-father has an entirely different perspective... although, he too was once a military officer. Go figure. Where does Social Anxiety come from... ? As in most of life... surely it is a combination of nature and nurture.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 4027

I remember the very moment in the schoolyard in the same neighbourhood I still live in, and the exact spot where I recognized that I was shy many, many years ago. What is puzzling is that my behaviour didn't always show that. This was an emotion. My good grades, involvement in activities, didn't label me as shy. Dad became ill and I became withdrawn, with school grades dropping and I eventually couldn 't pursue university because I wasn't academically ready, and hid in a dead-end job before I could begin to climb out of the sadness and mourning for my dad.

On the weekend of father's day, I guess I've never really gotten over missing him

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Where does Social Anxiety Stem From?