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9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 2508

Thanks Davit! Merry Christmas to you too. My Friend. Sorry I'm a day late..It's the thought that counts as they say. Now onward and upward with a New Year. I am sure looking forward to a new year and a fresh start. Now that the Christmas holiday is over I am relaxing and making plans for a happy and productive New Year..There's no time like the present..So I'm getting a jump start right now starting with today.... Red...

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

"Merry Christmas" to those celebrating it and to those not " enjoy the holiday".

Davit

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

One more day till Christmas. Yes I said Christmas and even spelt it right. We aren't supposed to say that anymore because of ethnic diversity. Canada is for all Canadians so holidays are supposed to be universal and only if everyone can celebrate them. Besides Christmas is only a prelude to boxing week, or is it boxing month when you can get everything Christmas on sale for a holiday the government would do away with if it wasn't such a tax cow they can milk. Next we will do away with Canada day because so many people were not born in this country.

Is there any wonder there is so much stress in our world. Our negative world. Where is the joy. In my heart, if you are looking for it. So I'm going to celebrate the way I want to and boxing week can go propagate itself. Along with all that commercial stress.

For those of you celebrating a traditional Christmas, "Merry Christmas" For those of you celebrating boxing week, merry visa bill.

Scrooge.

PS. My problem is that I can remember when everyone you met wished you a Merry Christmas. I don't like this Chrome plated electronic world we are going into in the name of progress. No more sleigh bells and real trees.

I'm lucky though. I look out my window and all I see is snow and trees and the odd animal. I can still have a traditional Christmas.

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

Woke up this morning to snow, not much but the trees are white again. There is broken cloud with some blue shining through. Smoke from my chimney is going down not up. All is well and it looks a lot like Christmas. Christmas music in the background makes it even more so.

But this is after waking an hour earlier to a panic dream. Not a panic attack but a weird dream and claustrophobic thoughts. Theodore was laying on my feet and I couldn't move them. Everything in the dream was based on something logical, just in the wrong place or the wrong colour and I notice now it was much like hallucinations. EG, I was in a hotel room on the second floor and I had a bright red D6 crawler tractor with me. I was told to leave because I was scratching the floor. I had to fight my way through a crowd of people to use the bathroom and of course the door wouldn't lock. The toilets were large china cups and there were aliens living in them. All of these things real just not the right colour, size or place. The only things consistent with these dreams is people and anger.

Again very quickly I tried to back up to find what the trigger was but lost the thoughts before I could get back far enough. The people are not clear enough to see if they are the same in every dream. Sigmond Froid would have fun with this. Truth is I don't care, it wasn't a panic attack. I just want to know what made it noticeable. I have no trouble recognizing them and stopping them so except for having to go back to sleep they are harmless. This will not play in my head today, and it will not be something I have to worry will be there every night. A couple months from now there will probably be another one. It doesn't matter. It will never be like it was years ago.

Davit

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

Today is the first day in a while that I got all I planned to do done. I actually got more than I planned done. Tomorrow I can go back to cleaning my shop. I have to go shopping sometime though. I dug out my old computer because it has music and my cook book on it. It had about a thousand messages on it to delete from mail. A friend just Emailed me that since she put up her tree I have too also. What are friends for. :-) .

Christmas pudding is finished steaming so except for heating left overs for supper my day is done. Tea and a movie to finish it off. I sleep like a rock now without the anxiety and tonight will be no exception. I never thought it could be like this. Too much sugar and not enough protein today. I'll fix that tomorrow.

Davit

Ps Raining but will probably change to snow. It is supposed to be winter.

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

For a while now I've been feeling run down but it seems to have passed. Today was a good day if a bit long. The big thing is the feeling of accomplishment. I was getting rather anxious waiting to get better. I don't like feeling useless and worse is the lack of interest I had. It seems to have passed, at least I'm being optimistic that I'm better.

Supposed to snow tonight and the next three days. I'm not sure how I feel about that. Still have not decided if I'll put up the tree. A friend has pretty much convinced me to.

Davit

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

This morning started off with a few snow flake, just enough to be pretty. Just enough to start the day off positive. I changed my bread recipe by adding cooked wheat berries. It should be interesting. I like change, something I never liked when I could panic too easy. It seems change was a trigger. That has all changed. Nothing much bothers me and that which does doesn't do it for long. This is good because it keeps short term memory from getting into long term. Unless I want it there.

My day isn't finished but I am happy with my progress. Making mince meat tarts got set aside for something more important. This happens.

Davit

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

Today was interesting. I can only work so long and I tire out. So I rest lots. Some days are worse than others. Today out of boredom I visited a site I haven't been on for a while in the hope that there might be someone interesting there. There was but there were also some nasty people too. There was a person being harassed and the MO was the same as the person that had harassed me. So I said I thought I knew who it was without mentioning any names. Just so it was known they weren't the only one. Innocent enough I thought since no names were mentioned. Instantly I got a personal message from the person I thought it was, warning me off. So I mentioned on the site that they didn't have to worry, I wouldn't use their name. There mistake is that I can only be messaged by a moderator. But I never said that. Why do people overstep their authority. This person is in a place of privilege and abuses it. A number of us left that site a while back because of this very thing. They said it was increasing their anxiety level. Well it did upset me then, now it is just funny. Goes to show just what CBT can do for stressful situations. What I don't understand is why put some things (a whole bunch) in forums and then block people from opening them. Is this some power trip. At one time it might actually have caused some anxiety. I doubt I will even remember it. I'm picky who influences my memory.

Davit

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

Separate shoes for inside certainly save a lot of mess. My last guest didn't do this, the one before did. But you have to remember I live in the country, it is best to leave the dirt outside.

I could have bought Ice Cream today but didn't. Call it willpower if you want, or determination. Truth is that right now no ice cream is a rule. No different than no negative thoughts. Just a rule that I have to follow. Difference is that soon I can have ice cream again in moderation. Not so with the negative thoughts. Not even in moderation. What is the sense in doing CBT if I'm going to undermine all I do. And it takes little to do that. Statistics are that it takes ten or more positives to weaken one negative because of their priority. So why give them any advantage. It is hard enough with all that is negative around us. A single drink is playing with fire for an alcoholic. Negative thought is the same for us. There is no difference. But you like the way you are, you like to listen to bad news and spread it. It feels comfortable like an old shoe. Sorry you can't just go out and buy a new attitude like a new shoe. You have to earn it. And when you do, it becomes like a comfortable shoe that never wears out. So what do you do in the coffee shop or at work or any other negative situation? Simple, you lead, you don't follow and you don't absorb. Nothing ever changes unless someone changes it. That someone could be you. You could actually end your day feeling good. Unless you are one of those people only happy when others aren't. That does work but is unacceptable. It is not a cure.

Venting is something you can do here, it is a release, but keep it short term. Venting every day makes it long term and that is not good. It makes your thought processes negative and hard to change or like some I know impossible. My brother for one. He complains far too much, so much it becomes contagious.

Davit.

I think I'll have some canned peaches without the syrup and a cup of tea. Just this once. It has to be better for me than ice cream.

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 4027

I put a soaker hose under a nice crawl space, since I'd pulled it from the earth. Maybe they can stay in the earth all year round? What a waste of energy I sharpened the ends of the shovels, and will use dolomite sand in sensitive cement areas, and better quality salt where it's needed. I'm going to not wear sandals any more in the house, and have to buy something for the indoors. I want to get indoor shoes too.

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