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Therapist part 2.

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Therapist part 2.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 517

Last therapy session, I was very anxious to see my therapist because I was disappointed in my progress and I was pressuring myself a lot about it. But after I saw her, we cleared that all out and I felt so much better. She reassured me that we're going at my pace and that as much as she can understand my fear to fail after what I've been through, it is a process in life to get to success. Also, I've sent 3 more apologies to the people I was angry with... and it really feels good. I enclosed why I acted the way I did and I felt like I was starting to forgive myself. I'm still scared what may happen after I've sent them out but.. I know I did the right thing. Yay to progress.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 517

Annemarie, Davit, & Sunny, thanks so much!

Well, person 1 wrote back and she said she was happy to hear from me. That was really nice. I've been trying to write her back today, but I'm debating if I should just call her. But there are pros and cons for me for either idea... so I haven't made my move yet.

Tuesday's session went well. My therapist brought her new pup with her and we went for a walk around the house and did some exposure. It was interesting. She said that she's not going to go anywhere just because I tell her things or even if I want to give up... which was nice. So, I was reassure I don' have to worry about the call I made.

After the whole apology ordeal, I've been trying to 'expose' myself to those people I need to apologize to, through the internet. I've been terrified to even bump into them through the internet... but I was able to do it and it was like an accomplishment for me at first. But now, I'm starting to get paranoid again by looking them up and assuming things. I get paranoid because all of them are still friends with each other and I am the one who disappeared from them all and I think of what they must be assuming about me. But, POSITIVE: maybe after I complete the apology, I will never have to see them again NOR be angry with them, so that all that will not matter to me in the end. They can assume all they would like about me but I will always know the truth about myself. After I do what is right for me, I will be able to move past that to rebuild my life.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1665

Hi Anerol: Apologizing is something which can be difficult for many people, with or without anxiety/stress related disorder. Good for you making those first steps. We support you and look forward to hearing how it goes. Glad you are driving again.

Sunny

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

Anerol

Yes it is a start, good for you. She may surprise you and answer. Then what? I guess her answer will decide that.

Congratulations on the shopping attempt. It is something to build on. Remember you did it because you wanted too. That is very positive. So was the Email.

Davit.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 373

Hi Anerol!

It definitely sounds like you are making progress towards your goals and you are focusing on the positive. I think that's awesome. Way to go!

Good luck tomorrow - I hope you'll have a successful visit.

Annemarie

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 517

Ps. My h.w. this week was for me to apologize to person1 and to make a trip to the grocery store w my support person and buy gum.

I attempted the grocery store.. but only got there half way. Positive: I got there half way and rode the car that cross a medium intersection. After, we took a spin around the residential block by the house 3x, which I usually don't have tolerance to do.

I procrastinated to make the apology... and debated and debated... and in the end chickened out to make the call. Instead, I sent an email... wondering if she'll reply. But I do feel like I did the right thing... whether or not she replies.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 517

Hi Carmieslug, thanks for the encouragement. I kept telling myself that too and I am 70% convinced... I will see her tomorrow so I think or I hope I'll feel better after seeing her.

Hi Davit, sounds like a lot of interesting information. Adjusting to a new life is very overwhelming.... 'conquering' some of these fears after I've started seeing my therapist is taking me some time to adjust as well. I sometimes just want to run back and hide.

But the book my therapist told me to get, said that if I'm feeling intense emotions after starting my 'exposure' to my phobias... I'm on the right track.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

I saw my therapist today. It was mostly an information session. She is very good about explaining things I don't understand or have no experience with. We talked about inner child, core beliefs, dissociation and BPD. We also talked about problems I'm having adjusting to a new life but mostly about adjusting to more loss of mobility. Losing independence for me is a bit of a problem. Keeping motivated. I had most of the answers already but wanted conformation. All in all a good session. It ran over about a half hour so I got lots of information.

Davit.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 373

Anerol, I hope you won't feel badly about calling a minute longer. Please take this advice from someone who often feels badly for doing the exact same things. You were only calling to clarify expectations and to express your concerns. That seems to me to be something to take pride in doing. I hope I'll take my own advice the next time I am feeling the same way!

I am finding that the parts of therapy that are the most difficult have the greatest reward in the end.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 517

Carmieslug, you're right, I do have hurt feelings still. And at this point, I feel that it will never end unless i do something about it... perhaps apologizing about it? I'm not sure if I'm ready yet, I mean, I know I'm not. Still so much debating in my head.

And Davit, since I haven't made the action yet, I can only say that worrying about it is the worse thing. Thanks for the support. I called my therapist up today to make things clear on my part.. and why I'm so hesitant about it all. She understood me and said that we can work on it so that I become convinced and comfortable about it. She also said that it will only benefit me once I think it will benefit me, not her. And then I felt bad and embarrassed aboout calling her... I hope I wasn't such a bother... but I wish I don't feel bad and embarrassed about these things. geez.

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Therapist part 2.