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9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 345

Hi ND,

I think you handled the situation very well. After all, it sounds like it's part of your job to promote and embrace alcohol not discourage its makers, your clients. I remember Foxman mentioning in a previous post how once the alcoholic (not saying you are) after a time would cringe at the sight of alcohol and turn away in fear (something like that). I tend to think that your dopamine levels spiked (as Dave mentioned) to ensure your ability to stop. It'll serve you well especially this weekend.

Relax ND, you're doing just fine..

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 421

Thanks everyone for the feedback! I am so glad I'm not on this journey alone.

Dave--I like how u reframed that experience for me. I did walk away. I was so busy being ashamed that I didn't see that There was a silver lining so to speak. I am trying to recognize the twisted thinking I love to do in regards to this weekend. If I am aware I think that's half the battle.

Foxman---it's super scary how the mind can know its bad and the body will keep right on going. Pushing past to its ultimate goal whether good or bad. I am not shocked at myself. But next time I will be better prepared. I'm just thankful I was strong and didn't run out and buy a pint of vodka etc to drink the rest of the day and then have a full blown binge today (which would have been my pattern). So with that said I have to believe I'm gaining at least a bit of control back in my life .

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1009

Hi ND,

It takes time. It's understandable that you'd react negatively because you know it's not what you want right now and drinking the sample is going against what you feel is best for you. You're going against a lot of very well-developed mental habits and change can be a very uncomfortable and distressing thing. I'm really impressed with you. The fact you DIDN'T continue to drink or let it get the better of you is to be commended. Great job! You asserted your control even though you were anxious and likely more than a little upset you drank the sample.

Regarding the comment "The utter inability to walk away from alcohol. It says we are without a defense against the first drink....". Well, in ND's case that simply isn't true. In spite of drinking some alcohol ND applied great defense and kicked it's butt. Well done ND!

ND, I can totally relate to what you said about seeing some of those characteristics in yourself. I found that to be the case too. Interesting how these thought processes can leave one feeling powerless and victimized. These feelings create a lot of stress and fear yet they are just irrational thoughts and beliefs, distorted thinking based of our own perceptions. It is in our nature the way we are wired, and everyone is wired this way, to find a way to assert control over these fears. Alcohol becomes the top choice and there are many valid valid reasons why we gravitate towards it, mainly because of how alcohol stimulates specific neuro-chemical responses (adrenaline and dopamine some key examples). However, WE generate these thoughts, no one else. Change your thinking and you'll change your reality.

Next time you'll be better prepared for that situation with the sample. You're on the right track ND. Great work!

All the best,

Dave

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1562

Then I took the sample cup and drank it.

Isn't it scary? Your mind blotted out the dire consequences and you took that drink. Fortunately the allergy didn't kick in. This is powerlessness the book AA talks about. The utter inability to walk away from alcohol. It says we are without a defense against the first drink.

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 421

*'upon' not "union" my auto correct is maddening!

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 421

Dave-- that was really interesting. I saw myself in several of those. I also can remember my ex a psychiatrist labeling me as some of them. I label myself a lot, mind read and dwell the negatives like a pro. These are things I need to work on. I also manifest stress physically. Like yesterday I found myself in the situation of a client wanting me to sample their new to the market alcohol drink. Union seeing it poured (before they even asked me) I felt ill. Then I took the sample cup and drank it. I was so disgusted with myself and so worried it would set off a chain of binge drinking. When they left I started shaking and couldn't stop. I don't know what ALL of that was about but I have to believe a large part of it was anxiety and distorted thinking. I didn't have any kind of relapse but I obsessed over it for the rest of the day. Wore me out!

I jumped off topic a little I guess but would appreciate feedback...!

TS I like your idea of just enjoying the event. I'm gonna make it enjoyable for myself and my husband. A great memory. And your right I can observe everyone else that's for sure. My willpower will be the problem I think, now. I need to work on saying no thank u and not feeling weird about that. The client I mentioned earlier...I told him I hadn't had a drink and was not drinking but didn't stop me from taking the "sample". Maybe I'm beating myself up to much or am I?

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1009

Hi ND,

TS makes a lot of really good points here that are worth considering. One of the challenges we often have is the artifacts of the past (things we learned at home or through adverse experiences) that lead to cognitive distortions and anxiety, as TS has brought forward. We all do them in some way and we may practice 1, 2, 3, or more and, cumulatively, they generate a lot of stress that simply isn't based on the facts. The incredibly positive news here is that they are one of the most readily changeable characteristics of ourselves and the pay back in progress is huge. I'm not saying you're wrong in your perception because you know the situation and I don't. All I'm saying is that if we can learn to listen to ourselves and our self-dialogue we can challenge these thought patterns that cause stress and eliminate them in favour of better ways of dealing with life. It pays HUGE dividends and makes the process a lot easier. Assertiveness is another great skill to develop, if you think it may be an area to improve. I know, for myself, it made a huge difference.

Here's a link to a great work sheet the describes these distortions mentioned and ways to untwist them.

http://www.apsu.edu/sites/apsu.edu/files/counseling/COGNITIVE_0.pdf

What do you think ND (and anyone else that wants to add to the discussion)? Does this make sense?

All the best,

Dave

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 345

Hi ND,

You do realize that you are again catastrophizing “if I have to go to the room I can do that I guess” and mind reading “they already think I have put a damper on the fun because we have kids.” Not sure how you can predict anything unless you’re psychic or why you know how or what they think. Has anyone told you that you’ve ruined everything by giving life?

What happened to “mindfulness”? Please do not get yourself wound up in the “what ifs.” So counter productive. Reread Dave’s posts on mindfulness and practice the skill. During the party, remember to embrace every moment as it unfolds and not before. Take in your surroundings, the sound of the music, the feel of the atmosphere, the aromas surrounding you, even what people are wearing, the fabric against your skin. How does the (non-alcoholic) drink feel in your hand, what are the thoughts going through your head. Don’t like them, change them. Concentrate on the conversation, feel yourself smile, hear yourself laugh. Then remind yourself that you will remember everything because you are sober. You’ll be able to enjoy recounting the weekend because you were sober. Nothing is achieved by hiding in your room all night.

You are an adult; you are the boss of you, certainly not some liquid with false promises.

ND, enjoy your weekend!

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 421

Dave-- that is exactly the scenario except my husband is going with me. But these are all his friends and they already think I have put a damper on the fun because we have kids and he is so responsible and they are all about fun now. I'm gonna give it my best and if I have to go to the room I can do that I guess....it will be what I make of it. I'm gonna try to have a great outlook and hope I hold it together and push through.

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1009

Hi ND,

I had a similar experience to what you describe my second week of quitting. I attended a wedding, out of town, by myself (no wife and kids), for my niece. I was away for 4 days and there would a lot of drinking and smoking and catching up with old friends. I planned ahead and worked through the situation in my mind and practiced saying "No thank you, I'm not drinking....."..."I'm taking a break (if they asked why)" and told them I just didn't feel like drinking was not working for me. Just too much all the time. It was anxious when I first got there but that diminished as the weekend progressed. I logged on here and wrote my thoughts and received support. And you know what? No one cared if I drank or not and didn't seem to notice because they were too busy getting hammered. Over the course of the weekend I got the question a fair bit but what I discovered was that it made many of them think and then say "Good for you....I should do the same". It validated my decision and was positive re-enforcement. Since then I've only had one situation where some gave me the gears about it and I really let them have it and they never mentioned it again. Give yourself the chance to observe the situation and take in the experience. The vast majority of our concerns are manufactured in our heads on not real. Sticking to your plan builds new pathways of self-control and removes the old ones. It's kind of like moving a huge dresser. It's tough at first but once it's done you can move on to the next piece (those tests we mention). We're adults and in charge of making our own decisions outside the influence to the crowd.

I hope this helps,

Dave

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