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7 years ago 0 +0 / -0 154

Hi Can't Fail This Time,

To answer your question, I am drinking in moderation by choice. One day, however, I believe God will remove even my desire to drink moderately. As for how I feel about drinking in moderation, I feel great and have absolutely no guilt or other negative feelings. I feel that as long as I keep to the amounts I mentioned below, and i do not hurt anyone, especially my loved ones, then all is good.

I tried AA, but in all honesty it simply isn't for me, with or without a sponsor. But as I wrote earlier, for all those it has helped, I say God bless and all the more power to them, and I sincerely wish them the best and God's grace in kicking this bad-ass disease.

I would love to be part of your on-line spiritual group, and thank you for the invitation. God does work in mysterious and wondrous ways, does He not?

I would like to share with you that I have just completed the writing of my first book, which is currently in the production phase with my chosen publisher. If all goes according to plan, I should have my own personal copies delivered to me in hard and soft cover by December of this year. The title of the book is "Heaven & Hell, with sub-title "A Right Relationship with Our Heavenly Father". According to my calculations, once it reaches print stage, it should be about 200 pages long.

God bless,

Cryptkeeper (a.k.a. David)

7 years ago 0 +0 / -0 110

Hey Cryptkeeper...

Congratulations on controlling your intake. I, too, rely on my Higher Power when I'm in times of stress.

I just have a quick question for you, if you feel like talking about it: From the tone of your post ("I still haven't kicked the habit...," "I know I still have a drinking problem...") I can't tell if you are drinking in moderation by choice or if you would like to go 100%.

How are you feeling about the moderation?

I only ask because, if that is what you want, AWESOME! I have no opinion on moderation, since it doesn't work for me, except that people should be happy, and I will always root for your contentment!

If you wanted to go to full abstinence, I bet there's an AA group and a sponsor that could help you get that done. I know AA didn't work for you before, but you have a spiritual foundation that, with the right sponsor and group, could be the basis for a very strong program. I, too, had a very personal relationship with God before I joined AA, but little consistency. AA has only made that relationship more wonderful and more personal. I am a part of a quite spiritual online group where we would welcome you, if you ever wanted to stop by! Shoot me an e-mail if you are interested, or would like to chat: cftt @ gmx . com

Humbly and Gratefully,

7 years ago 0 +0 / -0 110

Thank you Everyone.

And congrats, D1, that's pretty cool! I'm glad you are feeling so great!

7 years ago 0 +0 / -0 115

D1, I totally get what you are saying regarding the sensation. I drank to oblivion to get the sensation. I wanted to sensation, not necessarily the alcohol. Make sense?

And the quote "No more putting out fires with gasoline." Wow, what a quote! Does that ever sum it all up!!!!

7 years ago 0 +0 / -0 154

Hi, and congratulations...you should be and I am sure you are proud of yourself.

I still haven't kicked the habit, but I have been able to do something I thought I could never ever do...drink in moderation. And i have been doing so now for 5 months. I used to drink a load of hard liquor, wine or 10% beer to get that numbing, relaxing sensation.

Now, I drink only 4.5 or 5% beer, and never more than 2 or 3 per night. I know, I still have a drinking problem and am still an alcoholic, but like what you share below, I now feel disgusted at the thought when I think back to when I used to get loaded.

It's really a weird experience for me. But. I'll be totally honest, and I am not a religious person. I do believe in God and enjoy a close daily relationship with Him (our Heavenly Father), which sounds a bit contrary to my last statement. When I think of the word religious, as many others may, I think of someone who regularly attends church etc. Well, for about 25 years now, I left all mainstream church systems and simply have this one-on-one relationship, where I don't need to say special prayers, or say stuff a certain way, or be in a specific place etc. I am simply keenly aware of His presence and converse with Him like I would a very good friend or someone I revere greatly and for whom I have the utmost respect and gratitude. All this to say, that I know-that-I-know that it is entirely His grace and His doing. i could never in a million years pull myself up by my own bootstraps, but He indeed pulled me up. Today, i was reminded at my doctor's office as the radio was playing of the word "grace". That is exactly what this "not having desire for alcohol" really is...His grace. And to respond to your comment at the end of your 2nd paragraph below "hopefully you can make sense of all this", I say this: "Yes, I can most assuredly make sense of all this, because I've been there, exactly where you've been. Keep up the great work and attitude. If ever you feel that maybe the urges are getting way out of hand, then do what I do, just have a one-on-one talk with our Heavenly Father, however, whenever and wherever you wish. He already knows what's up. You're simply acknowledging it with Him and asking him for "grace" to get over this bad urge. Now, I'll humbly borrow your phrase, if you would allow me to, "hopefully you can make sense of all this."

7 years ago 0 +0 / -0 69

HI guys

Had somewhat of a revelation over the weekend.

Had company stay for a couple of nights and doing this we sat around enjoying the outdoors and they and my wife were having drinks, I had earlier told my wife to let company know that they are free to drink that it would not other me at all, which was true. As the evening progressed they drank moderately, to them it was letting loose to me it wouldn't have been worthiness the effort to cracking the seal for all they drank, but they were relaxed and enjoying the evening, then I had this inner feeling come onto me, I was drinking decaffeinated green tea, and I started downing as fast as I could make them, so to speak. Now in the past I only got that sensation after i had had a drink or two, then I would partake in binge drinking or drinking out of my stash in between the social drink to try to satisfied this feeling, and not feel drunk, I would seemingly not feel the effects of alcohol no matter how much I had over a short time, and not until I was on the verg of passing out, it was all or nothing.

So I started to imagine what it would feel like if I did drink, I vividly relived the sensation of having a strong drink of an icey rum and coke and relived that feeling of the drink going down and the satisfaction I would feel as I hit my belly, then I relived the moment of taking a big drink of vodka straight, and what I called the burn that use to make me feel so good, the alcohol racing down my throat and the sensation of it hitting my guts and seemly evaporating and sending that burn through my lungs into my sinuses and head, and the release I felt that followed. But I did not crave alcohol And I relised that alcohol was just happened to be what I was drinking at the time when this sensation would come over me and the not knowing what it was that seemingly kept me from feeling it's effects that drove me into the uncontrollable consumption. hopefully you can make sense of all this.

Then the next day I explained to my wife and company what I was experiencing, and I said that if I was drinking I would have devoured every ounce of alcohol in the house and still not quench my desire for it. But it was not alcohol I was really craving. They were kind of astonished by this, and said that I was so damn funny that evening that it made for quite an enjoyable time. My wife told me later,that I was saying some very funny things and it was such a plesent change from just being oppinunated, obnoxious and lost in my own little world.

So at this time I have no desire for alcohol, I somewhat understand a driving force behind my drinking, and will continue to keep researching the brain and it's workings to get the rest of my emotions and thoughts under control.

No more putting out fires with gasoline.

7 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11216

Beautiful! Thank you for sharing.

Congratulations on your success and the success of who you are mentoring!

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

7 years ago 0 +0 / -0 113

CFTT,

You're such an inspiration! Good for you, 4 months sober!!! Now that's cause for a celebration!

I'm so happy for your sister getting on board with you. What a great opportunity to support each other, as I know you will.

7 years ago 0 +0 / -0 110

Thanks guys, I appreciate it!

Foxman, my friend was sharing quite similar thoughts last night... It takes a certain alcoholic to step into the rooms. When we're at the end of our wits and we really feel like we have no other choice, we join the fellowship. Life starts to change in little ways at first. We stop drinking... and after that the promises start to come true in our lives. So much has already happened, and I can't wait to see what more will be revealed in this life!

That's why my copies of Eckhart's books are on the way from Amazon. You've always been right on time!!

Thanks!

7 years ago 0 +0 / -0 69

Right on Cf

4 months seems like a life time for us, 4days seemed like an impossible task. Your definitely on your way to a life time of sobriety, and one to lead others down the same road of freedom.

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