EvolutionHealth.care

Home
Main Forum
Quit Smoking
Forum for New Users and General Discussion
My Smoking Buddy is Not Happy

Advanced Search Form

My Smoking Buddy is Not Happy

17 years ago 0 +0 / -0 292

My best friend is really having trouble with me deserting her in �our� habit. The funny thing is, she was the one that announced, back in November, �I�ve decided that I�m going to quit smoking in January.� I said, �Cool, I�ll quit with you,� and just like that, my decision was made. I talked to my husband and he agreed to quit with me also. By the time New Year�s rolled around, I knew she wasn�t actually going to quit. She wasn�t talking about it, and when it did come up, she was all, �Yeah, I�m still thinking about it� instead of her previous statements of �I�m gonna do it.� It didn�t matter to me, though, whether she quit or not. I mean, not that I don�t care whether she smokes or not because I do care, and I�d be very happy if she did eventually come around and actually follow through on her original commitment. What I mean is, the decision that *I* made to quit smoking had nothing to do with whether she quit or not � and her subsequent decision to not quit had no effect on *my* decision to go through with my own quit. Ultimately, it�s a very personal decision and we�re all in it alone, experiencing our withdrawal symptoms in an individualized manner and from within our own perspective. Even though my husband and I quit at the same time, our quit-experiences are vastly different. My cravings have decreased over twelve days, his have actually increased. My mouth is dry and my sense of smell is returning and he�s feeling sweaty and jittery and just a little bit cranky. For my friend, I think she�s feeling a combination of guilt and abandonment. This was her idea and I was the one who followed through and that makes her feel bad. Also, for the nine years that we�ve been friends, we�ve been each other�s smoking-buddy. When we were shunned and given dirty looks by judgmental non-smokers (most probably ex-smokers with that dreaded smug disease), we stuck together and coped by simply chain-smoking in joint retaliation (boy, did we show �em, huh!). It has occurred to me that my decision to change my entire lifestyle might eventually come between me and my best friend at some point in the future. I have no intention of dumping her because she still smokes, or anyone else for that matter. I know from my previous quits that being a

17 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1150

I don't get the relationship of the 9 and the 30 years. Other than that you sound really mature. People change. If your friend is your friend she will eventually see past this. Although, "this" may be hard to get a handle on while your evolve into a well-rounded non-smoker. If anything , maybe she will learn the power of her words: "we're gonna quit" "OK", "No, we're not gonna quit" "OK, not". Did she expect you to say "OK, whatever you say". More than likely she is just frenzied and protecting her addiction. You should be proud to serve as a role model for her (although I'm sure at times in this rough quit you may feel far from it). It could be a lot to think about if you allow yourself, for your sanity I advise you don't. You are doing great! and so is your husband. I smiled to see you say that he is "a little bit cranky". You are both on the right track. You won't be sorry. [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 12/29/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 14 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 149 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $70 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 1 [B]Hrs:[/B] 9 [B]Mins:[/B] 54 [B]Seconds:[/B] 28

17 years ago 0 +0 / -0 2670

Sammi jo what you said is absolutley true congrats on your quit, keep kicking ash lynnexx [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 10/24/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 81 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 1,218 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] �324 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 9 [B]Hrs:[/B] 3 [B]Mins:[/B] 9 [B]Seconds:[/B] 50

Quit Meter

$113,537.50

Amount Saved
Quit Meter

Days: 6491 Hours: 18

Minutes: 46 Seconds: 8

Life Gained
Quit Meter

45415

Smoke Free Days
Quit Meter

227,075

Cigarettes Not Smoked

17 years ago 0 +0 / -0 537

All of what you said is so very true. My dear friend of many years is still a smoker. She always says I can't believe you quit. Like I desserted her. Terri [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 9/28/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 106 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 1,601 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $377.36 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 10 [B]Hrs:[/B] 16 [B]Mins:[/B] 16 [B]Seconds:[/B] 12

17 years ago 0 +0 / -0 2830

Sammi, If you two are as good of friends as you say you are, then she will get used to your non smoking. She might not ever like it, but she will come around. You're probably right that she is feeling abandoned and guilty. And don't be surprised if she pulls some stunts to try to get you back to smoking again. It's not that she doesn't love you... it's just that she's trying to protect her addiction. When my best friend quit smoking one time, her boyfriend and I were making bets (right in front of her) as to how long her quit would last - he said 1 day... I was much kinder with 1 week. I proceeded to smoke in front of her every chance I had (which was pretty often, given that we were roommates and I REFUSED to go outside to smoke!) and would abnoxiously enjoy my cigarettes whenever I smoked around her. I feel guilty about it now, but I was an addict trying to protect my addiction. I still to this day (it's been about 8 years since that incident) feel a little bit guilty about the fact that she DID go back to smoking in less than a week and that I was a horrible supporter for her, but like I said, I was an addict trying to protect my addiction. Your friend is probably going to do the same. Just stick to your guns and know that you made the right decision. I would try throwing in a comment here or there, casually. For instance, if she says "that's a cute shirt!" Say, "Thanks. I bought it as a reward for quitting." Nothing too "preachy" or condesending. But just let her know that quitting can be rewarding and can have benefits in its own way. And remember that smokers watch ex-smokers. They want to know if you succeed or not and if you do then maybe, just maybe, she will quit too - when she's ready, of course. Crave the Quit! Pam [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 10/28/2005 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 441 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 11,044 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $1821.33 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 31 [B]Hrs:[/B] 10 [B]Mins:[/B] 43 [B]Seconds:[/B] 15

17 years ago 0 +0 / -0 2436

Wow - SammiJoFL Talk about focus and being grounded... You remind me of me when I first quit - cold turkey, just kinda did it and it stuck! Your tenacity will so keep your quit grounded! You're absolutely correct... Just keep that focus and stay grounded and you will do beautifully! [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 3/5/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 314 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 10,990 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $1460.1 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 41 [B]Hrs:[/B] 1 [B]Mins:[/B] 36 [B]Seconds:[/B] 22

17 years ago 0 +0 / -0 47

Sammi- I'm dealing with similar issues. ALL of my friends smoke, even if the only time they do it is when we're hanging out on the porch in the evening with a few drinks. Every time I lose a quit it is because I was drinking, so I'm not allowed to touch alcohol either. SO those little porch get-togethers have been murderous. I've even bailed on a few of them because I didn't think I could handle being there and not smoking, and have gotten a few comments about it. Granted, they're all generally supportive of my quit, but I think especially my closest friend is having trouble with the fact that I avoid them a bit more. It's tough being the new non-smoker when that's what your relationships are sometimes built on! But keep a good outlook on it and a good handle on your quit, and maybe you'll be able to help her if and when she's ready, too. Good luck! Hillary [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 1/2/2007 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 11 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 341 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $66 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 0 [B]Hrs:[/B] 18 [B]Mins:[/B] 46 [B]Seconds:[/B] 5

17 years ago 0 +0 / -0 5195

Wow Sammie! Looks like you have a really good handle on your quit! You are right when you say that your lifestyle will change but remember it is all for the best! The smoke-free world is so awesome. Keep taking one step at a time and save this post for when things seem difficult. Perspective and attitude are key to the quit. [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 7/1/2005 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 560 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 11,216 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $1960 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 50 [B]Hrs:[/B] 15 [B]Mins:[/B] 2 [B]Seconds:[/B] 40

17 years ago 0 +0 / -0 763

Boy, Sammijo, you said a mouthful....and ALL of it true....but you can't spend your time "worrying" about your buddy. you have to thinkg about YOU and maintaining your quit....you have the prize in hand...don't let ANYthing cause you to let go of it! congratulations on your insight so early in this journey Katy [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 1/4/2002 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 1834 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 73,398 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $10453.8 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 242 [B]Hrs:[/B] 0 [B]Mins:[/B] 0 [B]Seconds:[/B] 26

Quit Meter

$158,952.50

Amount Saved
Quit Meter

Days: 5342 Hours: 23

Minutes: 47 Seconds: 19

Life Gained
Quit Meter

45415

Smoke Free Days
Quit Meter

908,300

Cigarettes Not Smoked

Reading this thread:

today's top discussions:

This Month’s Leaders:

Most Supportive

Most Active

Most Loved

My Smoking Buddy is Not Happy