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Expressing my opinions to friends

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 12

Dear Rosie, I read your post a few time ago and from time to time I remeber it. Your words really catch deeply my thoughts. I have very dificult to make new friends, and unfotunatley hadn´t much luck with that girl. Now I´m alone again, with no friends to have a talk and relax. I´m feeling not good, and I now that it will get worse, because people need people. I have something wrong with me because I am like this since puberty. When I meet new people I can not make a connection, I get stuck with my anxiety. I´m so sad...

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 43

Dear Agua,

I'm sorry to hear that your younger friend was so insensitive. Your response to her could have been, and still can be, that what she said and how she said it hurt your feelings and that your change of hair color is your choice and not hers. You value her opinion but would appreciate it if she, in future, would be gentler in her opinion or keep it to herself. You are allowed to respond my dear. It's difficult, but remember that when you do, you can take a pause to formulate your response. The question is, do you like your new hair color? That really is the only opinion that matters. Keep working on your confidence and don't worry about what others think about you. Look in the mirror and smile and what you see reflected back will be a very beautiful person and that is the only person who you should be concerned about. As I said before, the only person responsible for your feelings is you and you do have the right to share that your feelings have been hurt. Don't worry if they choose to be angry at your right to stand up for yourself. As long as you are respectful, you have that right. Let them worry about their own feelings and you worry about yours. Stay strong Agua. I know you can do it. It just takes practice. And don't worry about your age. Just be concerned about this moment. You can't change the fact that you are getting older. Enjoy each step of this journey we call life. It is our gift!

Take care,

Rosiesmom

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 12

Dear Ashley. I´ll give you an example. Recently I painted my hair from brown to dark brown. When my friend saw me, she told: I don´t like, you seam like an old women ! It´s very dark.

And that´s it. She hurt my feelings, because I´m 39 (she´s 28) and I´m starting to get worries about age and appearance. It´s something that it´s not nice to heard. I dind´t sayed nothing to her, because I stayed blocked with my sad emotions when I was hearing that. One reason because I expected some sensibility from a friend or constructive critic and other reason because I asked myself (is she right? Am I with the look of an old women?)

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 43

Dear Agua,

I'm glad I was able to help in some small way. I happy to hear that you are already noticing a difference in how you handle things. I knew you could do it. Keep up the great work!

Rosiesmom

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 12

Dear Rosiesmom, I adored your answer. It´s very clear and objective, that´s exactly what´s happening with me. I´ve been abble to put in practise, little by litthe, and I´m already seing a new me, more light and happy. I have to continue working on this point, till this will start happening in a natural way. Everybody have the right to express themselfs, simple has that, but forgotten by me... thank you again.

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11214

Hi Agua,

Rosiesmom makes a great point, you are entitled to your opinions and learning to assert your opinions may be an important goal for you. It also sounds like learning how to worry stop would also help. Once a social situation has passed ruminating about what was said and what wasn't said likely will cause more stress and change little. Check out the section on Worry for help with this.

Also, be sure that you fully understand cognitive distortions. One big cognitive distortion that I think we all use at times is Black and White thinking. Sometimes it can be easy to think someone is all good or all bad. The truth is there is always grey area. Just because someone said something you didn't like on one occasion doesn't mean they are a bad friend. But it does mean you might want to talk with the person about what offended you at an appropriate time.

Perhaps you can give us an example of something that was said that offended you. We might be able to help you work through it.

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 43

Dear Agua,

It is very important for you to know that you are entitled to your opinion and feelings on all things. I know just how scary it is to share those things because we might offend someone or make them angry or hurt them. However, that being said, if we can take a breath before we answer someone and formulate our thoughts, it is important to ourselves that we express ourself. If your comments are thoughtfully shared, then the risk of hurting and offending others is minimal and we've now let them know how we feel. If our opinion angers someone or is taken personally that is on them. You can't be and are not responsible for how others feel. But, you are responsible for how you feel and with this program I believe that you will find the strength and courage to participate fully in conversations with friends and not hang on to any resentment or regret for not sharing. You have one life to live and that is yours. I know you have it within you to pull up that strength and courage within you. Take care of yourself and continue on with Ceredian. In no time you will see a big difference.

Rosiesmom

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 12

When I´m having a conversation with a friend, sometimes they emit their own opinions that I don´t like, don´t agree or I feel aggrieved. Most of the times, I don´t give my point of view of the discussion subject.

At the moment of the conversation, I don´t feel very bad, but when I´m alone with my thoughts, I feel very frustated, going around with thoughts about what should I have said, and how could I haven´t said nothing to this person? I became irritated with myself and with that person.

This is dificulting me to have friends, because I acumulate too much stress about persons. Most of the time I have to cut friendship relations because I can´t handled with that feelings.

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Expressing my opinions to friends