The bulk of my anxiety is of the social variety, which is a shame as people are all over the place!
Your problem 4 below certainly applies to me, every word of it. I am highly self-critical, and berate myself as a spineless weakling and coward because I can't seem to enjoy what most other people do.
What do I miss due to my social anxiety? I believe that, anxiety or not, I'm by nature a fairly solitary soul, so I don't miss going out with friends. I have no latent desire to be the 'life and soul'. But it has got in the way of many things - certainly my career has suffered because I can't 'network', can't contribute to meetings, workshops etc. Personally? Well, I'm scared of ordinary things like asking in shops, telephoning..... I hate crowded restaurants and pubs, and can't understand how anyone can get pleasure from such places. As well as hating myself over this, I end up hating and resenting other people too, when I see them enjoy themselves socially. They seem to possess such a gift, but take it for granted.
I love music and, despite being well into middle age, still enjoy seeing bands. But I always go alone - my partner has different taste in music and I know nobody else - and I am embarrassed to get up and dance or jump about or enjoy the music physically in any way, even if everyone around me is doing so and wouldn't care what I did. Again, the people enjoying themselves without inhibition really annoy me, and on several occasions I have walked out of concerts by favourite bands before they have started because I just can't stand the people around me.
I play guitar, too. When I was a student, I was in a band, which I remember as some of the best fun I have ever had. It would be great to play in a band again, but I know nobody else who plays (I literally, and I say this without self-pity but as a fact - have no friends at all). I have no way of getting together with other old blokes of questionable expertise but great enthusiasm to play music. The thought of using the small ads fills me with fear.
I find myself taking a perverse pride in my non-sociability. A couple of years ago, I went away to a residential conference for work. It lasted three days and during that time I didn't talk to a single person, didn't go to any of the meals (ate sandwiches in my room) and at the end of it I felt such pride! Did it! I repeated the feat last year at another event.
We never have people over to our house to eat or to entertain - my partner knows how much I hate it (she's an outgoing, sociable type) so never invites anybody.
So, to sum up, my social anxiety has crippled my career, caused me to despise myself, deprived me of a social life and of much pleasure, turned me into a liar and shirker, and been a big cause of my depression.
I just don't think that of your efforts... nor would I of anyone trying to move out of their comfort zone. Double standard there. I'm good at that.
