Irene stood me up for a second time and didn't meet me for coffee.  I was hurt, but I got over it quicker.  I didn't self blame and go down the tubes of why.  It is what it is.  I switched my avatar to a more positive one, for me, which is my latest knitting project, an Elephant.  He symbolizes emotions, like I mentioned earlier on this thread.  Emotions aren't bad, you can feel them and go through them, but it's more about how long you linger with them.  So, I've got my Elephant under control, how about you? 

I don't make resolutions, I know what I have to work on. Life is tough enough for me without making it more difficult. One day at a time and as long as I'm alive I'll work to improve where I can. Don't that sound like a resolution I said I don't make.

Thanks Ashley for the Congrats on this year and for making my think as only you can do..

I've been pondering this question for a few days and have been doing a self inventory.  My New Year's Resolution is to honor my values.  Health is one value.  I've lost 18 lbs. and only have 5 more to go.  I'm walking on the treadmill, doing core strengthening yoga, eating healthy (lean meats, fruits and vegetables), I'm taking time out for prayer and meditation and reading scriptures.  I'm reading lots of positive material.  Before I mention what I've been reading, I'd like to say I agree 100% with Davit's post, under Our Forums "Introduce Yourself" on Davit's Thread, "A Little Information is a Dangerous Thing".  CBT is what works and the program should be followed from start to finish.  I am interested in psychology, like Davit, and read some interesting information that goes along with CBT, but I'm not posting it as an alternative, it's just interesting and I wanted to share it.  I read about REBT (Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy) which is a type of CBT. Basically, it uncovers irrational beliefs which may lead to unhealthy negative emotions and replace them with more productive rational alternatives.  Instead of using the words, must, should and ought, you replace them with desire, wish, want and prefer.  I also read about SFBT (Solution Focused Brief Therapy).  It focus' on the future, not your past childhood problems.  It asks the question, "If you woke up in the morning and discovered your problems were miraculously gone, what would you do differently?"  How would your day be different if you did _____?  What's the first small sign you'd see that would make you think your problem is gone?  When was the last time you saw a little bit of the miracle for a short time? When things were working for you, what was happening?  How did you behave?  It's about finding a workable solution that's worked before.  The most amazing visual analogy, or metaphor, is that your emotions are an Elephant and your rational side is the tiny rider that is on top of the Elephant.  The Elephant's weaknesses are that it defaults to the comfort zone and old habits and resists change.  To handle him, he needs motivation from feeling, the facts, and has to believe you are capable of change.  You have to lower the bar and shrink the change (ie. in AA not drinking for a lifetime sounds impossible, but not drinking for 24 hours seems do-able).  And, show the Elephant the destination post card stating why the journey is worthwhile.  The Rider's weaknesses are that he contemplates and analyzes the problem instead of the bright spots, he's a wheel spinner and defaults to inertia.  To handle him, you have to direct him, look for the bright spots (what works, not the problem), do not exhaust or paralyze him with too many decisions (decision paralysis), be specific, detailed, use clear directions from start to finish, show him where to go, how to act, what destination to pursue, script the critical moves, and give him crystal clear guidance.  Then you shape the path.  Give step by step instructions, make the journey easier by creating a steep down slope and give them a push, remove friction from the trail, and post lots of signs along the way, saying they're close.  You have to have a Growth Mindset, not a Set Mindset.  A Growth Mindset is when you believe, with enough training, you can learn anything.  A Set Mindset believes that you are born with certain abilities and without certain abilities, so no matter how hard you try you won't be able to do some things.  I used to have a Set Mindset.  But, the evidence, in my life proves otherwise.  I taught myself to knit and I overcame panic attacks.  I'm not good in Math, but I'm sure if I applied the principles (for a few years :), I would eventually be able to do higher math.  I just don't want to put the time and energy into it.  SFBT, also uses the SEE - FEEL - CHANGE idea and practices having a checklist and forming Action Triggers. Action Triggers are building habits by telling yourself you will do X when Y happens (ie.  When I turn my computer off in the evening, Then I will brush my teeth).  The habit needs to advance the mission and the habit needs to be relatively easy to embrace.  Also, since I'm a semi former perfectionist :)  I Googled what can you control in your life.  To focus on what I can, instead of what I can't control.  One of the lists gave 10 things in life you can control:  What you do, what you say, what you think, your work, who you associate with, your health (despite genetic, environment, and exposure, you can choose what you eat, exercise, sleep), the environment you live in, your finances, your time, your legacy.  It makes me feel much better and gives me a sense of freedom that there are lots of choices I do have control over.  Anyway, long winded, but cool and interesting :)  Happy New Year!

Ashley, Health Educator