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Anxiety and the constant unexplained feeling of grieving


Davit
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5 years ago 0 Davit 6252 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo
Abbigail

From the time we are born we build core belief. These are the beliefs that our actions are based on. They tell us how,why and what we can do. The early ones are strong because there is no memory to speak of to use against them to tell if they are real. They almost all come from someone else's thoughts and actions so in fact are not ours. This is considered inherited and gives us our personality which we can change if we don't like. Further down the line we continue to build and modify our core beliefs but now we have more in memory to compare them to but if there is a core belief from before that interferes with us looking at them realistically then they will be skewed toward that earlier core belief and can in fact be false. Yet they will seem real. And since the mind works not only very fast but also for the most part below conscious observation they do their damage without our knowing. All we get is the symptoms. But you can back track the symptoms to the core belief and tear it apart. And if it is one of these skewed or false ones you can bury it with positive counters till it is not being used any more. Now this is where set backs come from. And this is important. There is no delete button in our memory. Although you can bury negatives with positives they are still there if you look for them. And you will. Basic survival instinct at work here. So if you get a set back don't think CBT isn't working, it is. And it will give you the skills to deal with set backs. Set backs are good things in that they prepare you to deal with unexpected anxiety. As you progress you will want to bring up the anxiety as exposure to see how well you can actually deal with it. Keeping in mind the exposure is a marker of this, not a cure. It is also a necessity.

David.

PS, Stay with us, your life is about to change for the better.
Abbigail
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5 years ago 0 Abbigail 5 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo
@Davit That makes sense really. Positive thoughts wouldn't cause a fear response. I'm hoping to pinpoint what the negative thoughts I have are specifically so I can replace them with positive ones and thus decrease or even eliminate my anxiety attacks. I know the CBT is crucial to this so I'm looking forward to the first steps forward in my recovery. :)
Abbigail
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5 years ago 0 Abbigail 5 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo
@Ashley I have finished the first chapter? module? on Understanding Panic here and I'm working on the homework now. It's easy to say that I'm working on it but I really am. I'm not avoiding public places. Rather I like to go out, despite the fear and anxiety of crowds. I went to church today, I even rode with strangers. It was nice to get out of the house, despite the anxiety attack that followed on its heels. I have plans to go to the mall with the ladies in my family the day after tomorrow and I'm hoping that eventually, I'll get to be comfortable with going out again. I eat terribly, actually lol. And I don't get much exercise but I do work outside now for between 4 and 9 hours a day and I think it's done me some good to be out in the air. Sleep is something I've always struggled with: making myself actually get in bed (a cause of some anxiety for me, despite how neccessary I know it is), getting to sleep and staying asleep. It's not uncommon at all for me to wake up several times a night but I am keeping to a pretty regular sleep schedule. As for medication, my family is pretty anti-medication unfortunately so I'm trying to doing whatever I can naturally for the moment.
Ashley -> Health Educator
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Abbigail,

I am sorry to hear you have had to feel this grief for so long. What have you tried thus far to get through it? If you have not yet worked on cognitive behaviour therapy (CBT) then I suggest you get started when you feel ready. Anxiety and depression are usually treated with CBT in addition to using exercise, healthy eating, regular sleep schedule and sometimes medication.  If you get started now you will likely see some results in a few weeks.  Have you had a chance to get started yet?


Ashley, Health Educator
Davit
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5 years ago 0 Davit 6252 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo
Ten people can see an accident and all remember it different depending on there attitude. If it isn't clear they may fill in the blanks with associated memory. I remember childhood things different than my brother, he remembers me doing things I know I never did. Which one of us is right. Depends on who he is telling it to.  Some of the stupid things he attributes to me I know he did. Some dreams are so vivid that they can be real even if they are not.
Two years ago I got massive hallucinations from oxygen depravation from a very bad infection. (three in fact) They are in my memory as being real and there are no bits of reality to tell me they are not. I know it is impossible to ride a train made of chocolate and mint cake. But that is what I see if I try to access those days. There was no panic because as far as I was concerned it was real. Numbers I can remember, peoples names not. Shows you where my priority is.
If false core beliefs can control our life and actions even though they` are hurting us then why not a memory of soccer. Even if it didn't happen. Or what if it was something your mother rather didn't happen. You can be very positive and have associated memories that are not. Negative thoughts are survival skills and can happen subconscious and still have effect. Negative thought will have priority unless you have reasons for them not too. Positive thought because it is not needed for survival is shorter lived and has to be replaced with a conscious effort With the right attitude you will do it and not notice.
CBT is about changing thought patterns till you do it without conscious thought. This is how it worked for me.

Davit
Abbigail
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5 years ago 0 Abbigail 5 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo
Hmmm. Well I'm typically pretty positive, I believe, and I'm quite devout religiously so my personal beliefs are dictate by those of my faith. As for how real it is to me at the time? I think that is a little more difficult a question to answer. Sometimes, I have a hard time making out what is real and what is simply my own skewed perception of events and feelings. For example, I swore up and down when I was younger that I had been in soccer at school, played on a team with my classmates and remembered putting on shin guards. It always made my mother very concerned to hear because she said I had never played soccer a day in my life. They had never allowed us to play on any teams like that as children. Other times, I can't remember important events that I should be able to remember vividly like my high school graduation (only five years ago). Logically, I am aware that I was there but it's only a fact. I can't remember being there, what it sounded like or what took place. And the snatches I think I may remember, I can't trust because it's like I'm watching it on a screen, seeing myself from outside of myself. Memory, for me, is not a dependable thing. It's tumultuous and at best, unreliable. And, I suppose in following with you line of reasoning, since my memory is unreliable, it could be why I struggle to distinguish between what is and isn't real at times. So much of my life, my entire childhood is lost to me. I'm twenty-three and I can't even remember my teachers names or friend's faces from middle school. I remember in fragments, ghosts and snatches of things that I can't even be sure aren't just day dreams. I try not to worry about it though. Surely if I can't remember it, it must not have made much of an impression, huh? Lol
Davit
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5 years ago 0 Davit 6252 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo
Abbigail.

All thoughts actions and reactions pass through memory before they become reality. Memory is how we perceive things. Memory dictates how we react. But there is more than one memory so there is a choice as to how we perceive and react. And this all feeds back to memory as updates in the hope that it will improve us and make us more intelligent because intelligence is the ability to draw answers from memory. But the memories we draw on are those most related to the situation. Not necessarily the right ones. When I say we have a choice it is based on a lot of factors that are negative or positive. Attitude (negative or positive) Perception (do you see your world through negative or positive eyes) Belief. (is what you see or think real to you) How real (core belief) Negative or positive core belief.
The simplest way to put this would be that it is conditioning built over a period of time. It can be changed though but takes time, and strength and will power and a definite determination to change. It also takes understanding. You can't fix something if you don't know why it is broke.

Davit
Abbigail
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5 years ago 0 Abbigail 5 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo
Hello, I've been dealing with anxiety for many many years, some years worst than others. I have a history of anorexia, bulimia and depression, but almost a constant staple of my life has been this overwhelming feeling of mourning. When I'm depressed, I usually don't feel sad for any particular, explainable reason but it feels as if I've just lost someone, a child or a very close sibling or friend. I'm a writer and most of what I write comes out having to do with grieving and mourning. This feeling seems to be exacerbated whenever my anxiety flares up. It's the strangest thing and I've never been able to quite figure out why I feel this way.

Maybe in a way, I'm mourning for myself and I've just been too dim to realize it.

Has anyone else ever experienced this feeling?

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