Hi Faryal and thanks for taking the time.
I had to think for a bit before answering your question and I have to say I do not find satisfaction when I don´t "win" and that's what I fear. I guess in my head it means that I am not able and my life won´t be good and so on...
I understand nobody can win everything all the time. Before my crisis, I normally did very well in my things and when I didn't my attitude was 'it didn't happen now, but I was close and that's progress'. My crisis was caused by a bunch of really good things that came all at the same time and I realized that I could not do them all, I don't think anybody could. I had to let some go, not by choice but forced by anxiety because I'd try to do the simplest thing and have a panic attack.
One of the things I chose to do was a second Master´s degree, the difference being that I did not force myself to get straight As and even dedicated time to look for things that relaxed me. However, when I came back to work I had trouble concentrating and this fear of not being able to do things. Also, situations of direct competition cause me lots of anxiety, to the point that I can no longer for instance play chess. It´s emotionally draining and I can´t enjoy it, plus I get so much anxiety that I feel my heart pounding the entire time.