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Kindnof bullying


Hi asi,

I am sorry you are feeling this way. Not getting along with people can be depressing for anyone. What are you doing to take care of yourself? If other people are not treating you nicely right now, can you treat yourself nicely? What are some small goals you can work on?

I hope you feel better soon. You are not alone in this!

Take care,

Ashley

a month ago +1 asi 10 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 1

Hi,

This situation is already solved but I was days in a turmoil that depleted my energies. I was dealing relativley well before that, first summer without anti depressives, now even without having this problem to deal with my depression got worst. Im currently with no bath for a week, and my hair no wash for 2 weeks. Just laying down watching youtube, no strengh to go to supermarket or make food.

Today, the superior of post office attend me and that helped solved the situation, she said to me "you again?", she didnt even gave me time to said nothing. I was just taking care of my work, I was not bothering no one. Im really tired humans are not consistent, sometimes they are able to have good actions, sometimes not.

What are making me depressed is that, a lot of people seams to be in stress like this, so they end up not treating others well. I know its not my fault of others people personality, but this seams not being a pleasant place to live.

My brothers when they dont understand what I say they get mad, so I have to end up explaining things in detail so that they calm down.

Im really strugling, IM not surrounded with nice people, it really removes me all the desire to be comected with humans. If I could I would have dogs and cats living with me.


Hi asi,

So glad you handled the situation and feel better about it. I like how you said you were healing that past by dealing with similar situations in your present. Good work!

Take care,

Ashley

2 months ago (Edited 2 months ago) 0 asi 10 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 1

Hi Ashley, that you foe your reply, its really precious to me.

I did the problem solving sheet, and remenbered that I solved a similar situation in another town, reporting to a superior, and after that the person never bother me again. So I thought between all solutions I had in mind, I though this one was the better to give me peace of mind.

My goal was to give a break to this lady, because I wanted that this was the last time she speaked to me that way. Than I talked to the superior and everithing went well, my complaint was well received, and I felt well treated.

After this hapened, I kind of had a flush of old memories of so much similar situations that I hadnt no idea how to solve at that time. So I thought, or learn now, or I will have more and more similar situations to face like this in the future. So I felt very good after my decision, like I was healing the present and all the past too, because it becomed very very clear what was the right action needed on the past too. So I thought "Im doing this for my present but also for my younger helpless in the past"

Ill take a look of the core beliefs too as you sugested, may be I find more things there to be aware.

Thank you Ashley for hearing me.







I am sorry you are going through this asi.

Rude people are very hard to deal with. You mentioned she has no reason for being rude. You are right, you did nothing to deserve rude treatment but I think she is doing it for a reason. I think rude people like that are usually very unhappy with their lives. They act rude because they need to lash out. They need to make others unhappy because they are so unhappy. Don't let her win. Other people can be rude to you, and you don't have to let them effect you. Tell yourself that her rudeness has nothing to do with you and everything to do with her. It is sad, really...it is sad that she rather be rude then nice to people. Imagine living like that! She must be deeply unhappy and/or very stressed.

How you deal with this is a very personal choice... when someone is rude to me I often laugh it off. I may try to kill them with kindness and be even more nice to them. For one, I want to show their rudeness doesn't effect me. For two, maybe they need kindness. Maybe they are rude because they are in pain. If I am not nice to them or I can't laugh it off then I ignore it. You can choose what you focus on. I just think, wow, that was rude she must be very unhappy. Then I try to think about something else. It usually works with practice. Acknowledge the feelings that come up. It is normal to feel hurt by rudeness. Just don't sit in that hurt for too long because it is not worth it.

Other people would set some boundaries with her or report her. That is a normal course of action too. It is up to you what feels right for you. I just typically don't report as I can't be bothered. I don't really want to think about a rude person that much. That's me though. Everyone is different.

Try to think if her rudeness brings up any negative thoughts or core beliefs. This sounds like a great opportunity for growth. I think you can work on this and take back control of your emotions. I recommend using a thought record. Make sure you check if you are using any cognitive distortions. For example, should statements. Also, reread the section on core beliefs and see if there are an unhelpful core beliefs that come up and need working on.

Please let us know what you discover and how it goes. You are not dealing with this alone.

Take care,

Ashley



2 months ago +1 asi 10 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 1

Hi,

Im currently dealing with a situatiin related with my work. I have to go to post office everiday and there is a lady there that is having toxic behaviour with me.

Last time I gone their, she said good bye to my saying "good weekend" shaking her voice at the end for a few seconds in lower voice so that her colegues dont hear she doing that, when I was leaving in a provocative way. I already saw her doing that to her coleague, everitime the other spoke she repeated the same sentences shaking her voice in a lower sound, a very childish behaviour for someone with around 60 years. Shes acting like a bully, but her behaviour is unpredictable, so it gives me a lot of anxiety so I dont know how she will behave.

This kind of event, when some radom person is not nice to me really triggers my depression. I was doing so well this summer, first time in years that I dont need take medication, Im starting the need of taking them again.

I would like to find a way to deal with that, I see this is a comun dominator all my life, that when something like that hapen, I had to give up of job, I also had to give up of a graduation of arquitecture because of a teacher being rude to me etc because this stuff really makes me sick or really depressive...I end up feeling that I have no control of my life, that those people are forcing me to take decitions I didnt wanted, like giving up of things I worked hard to achieve.

This time I had so much work to find a good place to work near that post office, and now because of that lady I think I have to go to another one at least temporary because of my health. I did the problem solving sheet, and remembered that last time I had something unpleasent repetitive with a post office worker I complaint to his superior and he stoped his bad behavour, I think I have to do that again. Other thing I was thinking to try is to confront her, letting her know that I wont tolerated this kind of behaviour animore. I would like to ask you if you think thats might be a good way to deal with this kind of situations. One day I saw a sucessfull old sir doing that to the sales man when I selled my house, being assertive in a strong voice, so I think may be thats how healthy people puts peoples in place.

I really feel weak and with my self esteem down because of these kind of people, when they are rude without a reason, since Im a very shy person that almost dont speak and there is no reason to treated me this way.

Do you have any sugestion, if was able to find a way to not get so trigered, I really think I will be healing the present and the past too. This remenber me a provocative room mate that start distroying my final important project of arquitecture in front of me, and I end up freeze without knowing how to defend my self too.

Thank you.




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