This morning I woke up at 5:30 in the morning, I woke up sobbing I had a terrible dream that I was being arrested and handcuffed to a sink! I was upset last night, I could not breathe good, I know one of the side effects from the antibotic is lung and respitory failure so of course I thought I had that with the coughing. I have been alternating for days with panic and depression it takes turns all day, I cannot even eat. I took a Paxil this morning I broke down because I know I have hit lower than rock bottom, I avoid my husband and son because I do not want them to see how bad I have become, I stay in bed till night. I know this is very very bad and that is why I took the Paxil, this is my final attempt to get better after this I do not know where to go, I have lost my hope and faith, I even felt like "I was to severe for God to help me" which is pretty pathetic I know, I pray the Paxil will work, I have not been this bad in a long time, I was hanging on by a thread before somehow functioning after that kidney infection and the horrible medical care and life-threatning reaction to the anti-botic it "did something to me, I feel like I crossed a line, Last week I got upset about my husband taking my son, now I actually wish he would so he does not have to see Mom in this condition, I have to do this alone, my husband is not spending one more dime to help me, the kidbney thing out of pocket really hurt us and its a shame because we have medical. I am praying so hard that the Paxil will help, I cannot even hardly get our of bed and the depression with the panic is relentless, please pray for me gang that the Paxil helps, I cannot live like this anymore and I refuse to put my son through this. I cant fight this anymore its winning. I pray to GOd the medicine will help. Thank you all for listening. Debbie.
