my panic attacks are getting worse and so is my agoraphobia. i go for hours at a time feeling like i cant breath and my muscles are sore and tired all the time because of it. i feel like im gonna die about ten times a day. i have been crying all night. its making work almost impossible, i called in yesturday and i dread having to go back tomorrow. i dont think i can keep this up. i hate myself for letting this start all over again. ive had panic disorder/agoraphobia for almost 15 years now, ive had periods of complete recovery but this is the third time its come back to haunt me and i dont think i can go through this again. i used to be able to talk myself down a little bit but i cant anymore, my confidence is shot and my family is so sick of me that my mother told me im a burden to her and im 28 years old. its upsetting my kids and i never have fun anymore, i spend my whole day worrying.. i dont have any insurance right now because im a full time nursing student so i cant work enough hours to get insurance so i cant go to the doctor to be reassured that my health is ok. im paying out of pocket to go to a therapist who has told me the same things i know already. i feel deflated and hopless and angry. i want to get back on meds asap but im scared. i have never felt so bad in all my life. im rambling and im sorry to unload and complain like this but im at the end of my ever fraying rope. im really scared i wont get better this time. no one believes me. im really really scared. people think its hard to deal with me but they should try being me for ten min or so. maybe they would change the tune a little.
thanks for letting me unload. good luck everyone.
