I’ve decided to write a little bit about my battle with anxiety, panic attacks, and depression, and how I am overcoming them all. I figure that if anything I have done to help myself can help even one person, then it is worth taking the time to write about it. I apologize in advance for my writing. Ive never been the most eloquent writer. I just have some thoughts I want to get across.

First, I will tell you a little about myself and my experience with mental health before going into how I am fixing it. I am 29 years old. I have a decent job, a wife, a house, and two dogs. About 2 years ago I had my first panic attack. It literally seemed to come out of nowhere. I was so frightened I did not know what to do. Obviously, at the time, I did not know I was having a panic attack. I was so close to telling my wife to call the ambulance, but I didn’t because I’m the kind of guy who will avoid making a scene at all costs. Instead, I took a Tylenol PM and just knocked myself out for the night.  From that night on, I had near constant chest pain due to what I didn’t know at the time was anxiety. I saw my doctor about the chest pain, and they told me everything was fine, so I went on living my life with this pain, constantly thinking I was going to die soon.  It took me about a year of living this way until I starting to experience the feelings of depression. I started having the typical negative thoughts, feeling horrible and worn down, and brief thoughts of suicide. I did not know what was happening to me. I was really scared until I stumbled across depression on the internet. Everything I read about it seemed to be what I was experiencing, so I went to my doctor and told them about what I had found. Of course, they immediately tried to put me on a med (Wellbutrin). The thing is though, it seemed to me that just finding out that what I was experiencing was depression, and “normal” helped me out a lot, so I didn’t even take the Wellbutrin. My depression seemed to fade away on its own quickly.  The anxiety however remained, but it was manageable. Then, about 6 months later, the panic attacks came back. I had two horrible panic attacks two nights in a row. I should tell you that by this point in my life I had been to the doctor enough about my anxiety that I had been prescribed Lorazepam and Ambien, both of which I took on an as needed basis. Anyway, I took some Ambien to get through the panic attacks. I went back to the old thought of if I can just sleep through this, I’ll be ok. The thing that bothered me was that I never had two really bad attacks like that two nights in a row, so on the third day, I went to see my doctor again. My doctor quickly (ugh) prescribed Lexapro for me, and I immediately took the first dose this time because I was so scared from the panic attacks, and I knew by this point in my life that something was seriously off, so I figured I was just one of those people who needed help from medication. Bad Idea. By the third day of taking Lexapro, my life was flipped upside down. My anxiety was through the roof, I was having cold sweats, my heart felt like it was going to explode, I was nauseous… if you look up the side effects of Lexapro, I had every one of them. Of course, I stopped taking the Lexapro, but the side effects stayed. It was so bad I was missing work. The only thing that got me through the really bad two weeks I experienced was Lorazepam. After about 2-3 weeks went by, the really bad side effects passed, and I was able to function again. However, the anxiety stayed, only now it was 3 times worse than I had ever had it before.  I was now experiencing frequent panic attacks, and constant anxiety. I had constant chest pain, fear of everything from dying to leaving the house, and especially future events seemed to terrify me.  I did not like being tied into anything in the future that I felt like I could not get out of. My thoughts were racy and repetitive. I felt like I did not have any control over them whatsoever. I would have negative thoughts about other people and myself, and just had an overall feeling of helplessness. The one thing I knew was that I wasn’t going back on any form of medication. I was still taking Lorazepam to get over anxiety attacks, but I wanted to get off of all medication completely and somehow fix my anxiety. Well, I think I have achieved that goal, and that is why I am here today. I will now (finally…hehe) tell you about how I think I have fixed my anxiety/depression, panic attacks. I don’t have any one, simple miracle cure, but I do think that all of these things combined have helped me out so much. You can take all of these and apply them to your life, or take any one and use it. Whatever you think would help you. You can also of course completely ignore my suggestions and go about your day. I understand everyone is on their own path. I will try to go through these as quickly as possible.  I’m not selling anything. I’m just a dude trying to help.

Although I realize this first thing does not apply to everyone, I decided to include it because it has been so important for me. I decided to quit drinking in excess. I had been “binge” drinking since college. I wouldn’t say it was a huge problem, I certainly wouldn’t have called myself an alcoholic, but I used drinking to make myself comfortable in social situations. Drinking, as many of us know, is a great way to temporarily get over your feelings of anxiety. My problem with drinking was that the day after, due to my anxiety, was 10 times worse than anyone else around me seemed to suffer. I would get panic attacks and my anxiety would be through the roof for the next couple of days after drinking too much. After a couple of days of feeling bad, I would start to feel better again, and of course, think I was fine to drink again when the next social situation arose.  What I eventually realized was that every time I drank, it was like hitting the reset button for me with my road to health, because the drinking would cause my anxiety to go crazy again. The thing that I had to realize was that if I didn’t drink in excess, I could still be fine socially, not have the horrible hangover, and continue my path of feeling a little better every day. I still drink socially, but I really try to keep my consumption to under 4 beers in a night. I also only drink 1 night a week at the most.

The second thing I realized has really helped me with my panic attacks. I had to get over my fear of dying. Not the fear of feeling like I was dying, but the actual fear of dying itself. You have to think to yourself: “ what’s the worst thing that could possibly happen to me in this situation right now?” the worst I guess, although highly unlikely, is that you could actually keel over and die. SO WHAT! Is dying anything to be that terribly afraid of? Its certainly not anything to live your life worrying about. It is inevetibly going to happen to each and every one of us some day. Every time now I even feel a hint of panic attack coming on, I just tell myself that I know I’m not going to die, but if I do, oh well, then my time has come, and I even tell the pain to bring it, because I’m not scared. Anxiety and panic attacks thrive off of fear. If you don’t have any fear, then you break the cycle, and the attack quickly goes away. I know this one might be tough, but if you really can grasp this idea, it makes everything a lot easier.

The best way to help you get over your fear of dying is to live healthier. If you live healthier, then you can be more sure that you are not in fact dying. Exercising and taking care of your body not only makes you look and feel better, but it makes you know that you are taking better care of yourself so that you are sure you aren’t actually having a heart attack, or anything like that. You know you read all the time about how exercising and eating healthy makes you feel better, and you know this is true because healthy people for the most apart appear to be good looking and happy. It really does make you feel a whole lot better. Exercising releases endorphins that help with your mood, it gives you more clean energy, it makes you lose weight which makes you feel better about yourself, and it just plain makes you feel healthy and good about yourself overall. I exercise every other day. I ride my recumbent exercise bike for 45mins at a time while watching TV. I like the recumbent bike because it is a more comfortable ride. I try to push it more and more each time to be sure that I am getting a good sweat, and getting the most out of the time that I can. Keepign your heart rate up over the course of your workout is key. Although it is winter now so I am pretty much stuck inside, I plan on starting to run in the spring to get outside and soak up some of the suns energy, along with the idea of staying on the track to being healthy and feeling good. It really isn’t that hard at all to start exercising. Go to your doctor first to get a clean bill of health. Tell them you want to start exercising, and when they tell you that you are good to go you will feel better already and feel goodabout pushing yourself a little bit. Get whatever piece of equipment you like best, and just start slow. I guarantee that if you keep a regular routine and don’t break it, you will feel really good about yourself. Know that eventually you will be really fit and healthy. Mentally and Physically.

The other thing I do for health is I take supplements. I take 1 fish oil pill a day and I take one multi vitamin a day. The reason I started taking fish oil is because it is supposed to help cure anxiety and depression. The more I researched fish oil, the more I found out that it is nothing but good for you. Fish oil is fantastic for your heart. It lowers cholesterol, protects against cancer, is an anti-inflamatory, and gives you great skin. The only side effect you will read about fish oil is a fishy aftertaste, or fish burps, which if you take the right brand are non existent. Now, I am not sure if fish oil is “curing” my anxiety, but I do know that by taking a pill a day I feel better about myself knowing that I am taking a supplement that is extremely good for me. The brand I take, for the record, is Carlson’s Super Omega-3 fish oil softgels. I get them from Vitamin Shoppe. I did a lot of research, and this brand seems to be one of the best, with high levels of EPA and DHA (the stuff you want). I’m sure there are other brands that are good too. The multi vitamin I take is called “Opti-Men”, and it is also found at Vitamin Shoppe. I like this supplement because it has pretty much everything else I need in a little pill to ensure that I am getting the nutrients I need. The box suggests 3 pills a day, but I only take one because I feel that one is enough for me. (I’m not a big bodybuilder or anything like that. Hehe) Anyway, I wrote about the supplements I take because I feel like they are an important part of me feeling healthy and good about how I am taking care of myself. Maybe the fish oil along with some of the gingko, etc in the multi are actually working to “cure” my anxiety, I don’t know. I will tell you that I have not noticed anything profound from taking these alone. I just feel better overall knowing they are good for me.

Of course, we all know the next one is eating healthier. I won’t talk too much about this one, because everyone knows already. Basically, I try to eat better. I eat a lot more vegetables, and less fried food. I really try to keep my servings of the bad things I eat to one. You can have some chips or whatever you like here and there if you keep it to just one serving. They wont kill you or your progress. This part is key… I only drink water, V8, or Naked brand fruit drinks. I do not drink anything with caffeine in it. Caffeine makes me hyper, and makes my mind race. I don’t need that anymore than I already have it. Cutting out soda was rough for about the first 1-2 weeks, and I had headaches for about a week, but they went away, and now I don’t even think about it. I have not had a soda in 3 months.

The final thing I have done which I think has helped me in a really profound way is meditation. Practicing meditation is an easy and fun way to calm you down and clear your mind. Even just 20 mins of meditation a day really goes a long way in clearing up your clouded mind. I will say that for me, learning about and practicing Buddhism has also really been a big help, but I realize that it is not for everyone. I know everyone has their own religious beliefs and that is fine. For me, Buddhism is the first “religion” that has made sense. It is less of a religion than it is a way of life, and about getting on the spiritual path. I will not bore you with info about Buddhism but I will point you in the right direction in case you are interested. Of course, Buddhism and meditation go hand in hand, which is nice for me. Meditation, however, like I said is incredibly helpful by itself. If you are interested in starting meditation, I strongly suggest the book “Meditation for Dummies”. Yes, it is one of those stupid “for Dummies” books, but it is actually very good, and informative, and the easiest way to start meditation besides classes. You can also look up and search online about how to meditate. There are some informative videos on Youtube about how to meditate. Meditation is very simple to start, although challenging to master. Literally anyone with the right intentions can meditate and reap the benefits from it. As far as Buddhism goes… if you are interested even a little bit, I highly recommend these books: (I started with this first book) “Transform Your Life: A Blissful journey” by Geshe Kelsang Gyatso, “The Heart of Buddha’s teaching” by Thich Nhat Hanh, and “Mindfulness in Plain English” by Bhante Henepola Gunaratana. I found all of these books used on Ebay for some great prices. They are also on Amazon, new and used. All of these books were highly recommended for the person that wants to understand Buddhism. They all have fantastic reviews on Amazon.

OK, I think I have written enough now. All of these things combined really have helped me out SO much with my mental issues. I wanted to help myself out, because I knew that meds are not the answer, and in fact can often make things even worse than they were before. I hope someone here is able to take something from what I have written. If it helps in even the smallest way, then I know that it was worth taking the time to write all this down. Again, I have absolutely no hidden agenda. I just know what it feels like, and I really care about each and every one of you deeply.

Peace.