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15 years ago 0 538 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
I just saw this thread. Thanks for posting an update here Gene and sorry for the late reply. If you do drop in and read this please give us an update. I wish you well in your great new life!
15 years ago 0 180 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
 
Hi Ya Gene:
 
Haven't heard from you in a bit, just wondering how you are doing.
 
 
15 years ago 0 123 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
You know, your post Gene, made me think about the way I was before.  Made me realize I've really always had anxiety (something I still had some trouble accepting), but so has everyone I've ever known.  The key difference between what we go through, and what they go through, is simply willingness to face it.
 
I don't mean to say we're weak, we chose this path due to circumstances beyond our control.  Our mind.  What I mean is who we are today, is a result of yesterday.  What we thought, felt, and reacted to yesterday, makes us who we are today.  Should you decide not to do something, not because you can't, but because you feel you can't handle it, you begin to accept you can't handle certain things.  This is a natural human trait, which can save us in many situations, such as if a bear comes running at you, etc.  Heeey, I've read this somewhere before...
 
Back to the point, I wasn't "ready" to face a lot of things I faced before, but I still did it.  This in turn made other situations bearable.  Which in turn made my willingness to face the unknown go up.  I was at a point where I got a high off of the unknown.  I loved my anxiety.
 
So, cheers for bringing the chalk to the board, teacher Dr. Gene.  The chemical inbalance makes things harder for us, but regardless of how our chemistry is composed, it's still on us to decide whether we walk through the door, or just up to it.  It's when we decide to walk through, that truly amazing things happen.  That's when our chemical composition turns into fireworks, and everyday is a holiday.
15 years ago 0 180 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
 
Hi Ya Gene:
 
Welcome back and congratulations on the success both professionally and personally.
 
Way to go!
15 years ago 0 187 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Lol. Yea. I have never been afraid of heights per say. I love being in the fresh mountain air. I actually proposed to my wife on top of the Brandwag mountain in the Golden Gate game reserve. I just don't like being trapped. But as I said I have been through so much exposure to being trapped recently.
How do the Pas feel different now? Well, not that different I must say. They just don't overwhelm me as much. I am also more in control of my thoughts which helps to shorten the attack. 
 
My biggest strategy has been to allow myself to panic. To encourage it until I lost my fear of it. Now I now don't fear the panic attack itself- only the after effect of it. The nagging GAD etc. Basically I replaced the thought "oh my god I am going to have a PA" with "ok so let's have PA so what". It is really all about attitude.
 
Honestly my major breakthrough came when I began to use peroxetine hydrochloride.  An anti-d.  It has really helped me. Saw my Doc yesterday and he recommended that if I go through phases where my Pa's increase then I may periodically up my dose. My initial dose was almost three times lower than the dose used to treat PD. So he suggests that if I am going through a rough patch then I just double up the dose. It has worked so far today. I alreadt feel quite different from yesterday.
 
I do see some role for chemical imbalance in PD. While it may be purely the fear of fear- the continued episodes are also related to a chemical imbalance partly from general stress and fatigue but also a genetic component is involved.     
15 years ago 0 123 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Hey Gene!  Things are easy like a breeze over here!
 
Personally, I took you not posting as a sign that either you got better and began on life, or got caught in life in general.  Either way, take care of you and you wife before you think about us.  There will never be hard feelings in that area.
 
Congratulations on the promotion!  If there's anyone that deserves it after all you've been through for it, that's you!
 
I hear you on this place being the recovery zone.  I've learned so much, for awhile there I was posting on here and didn't really care to...doing it more out of obligation to pay back the debt I felt I owed.  The more I did it though, the more I realized how much it was for myself too.  But not writing here doesn't mean you're forgetting what helped, what you do in your daily life means much more.  Never know what disorder the people you talk to have, but I gaurantee everyone has their own battle.  So keynote to this speech:  don't fret over what you haven't done, do what you can, where you can, when you can...then move on to the next episode of life.
 
Did you say charilifts?  Like chairlifts used with snowboarding and skiing?  Cuz snowboarding season is here where I'm at...and I've never been as excited in my entire life as I am right now to get out there and board.  I will take 100 PA's in a row, 3 lifetimes of GAD and whatever else God decides to throw at me just to get on that mountain once...dude, I'm going.
15 years ago 0 1153 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Genejockey,
 
Congratulations on your new job and all of your recent successes! I hesitate to leave this thread in the Coping with Setbacks forum. It sounds like a lot of good is going on in your life right now. Despite the fact that you are still having Panic Attacks you seem to have a lot of other great things going for you. It is great to hear that you have managed to understand your PAs to a point where they do not stop you from living a full life.
 
Can you share with us some of the strategies that you've used to get to this point? Also, I'm sure a lot of our members would be very interested in understanding the thoughts that are going through your head while you are experiencing a PA and how they differ now from in the past.
 
Thanks for your ongoing support and we look forward to more news from you.


Brenna, Bilingual Health Educator
15 years ago 0 187 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Hope everybody is well or at least coping...
 
First off let me apologise for not writing here for such a long time. I could say that I have been very busy. Which would be true. I just changed jobs where I actually have the title medical scientist (as apposed to being a wannabee scientist). It has been very hectic. I literally changed jobs with one week's notice. I am still writing up my Master's degree which is a bit of a stuff up. I am doing some serious BS baffles brains...

 
But in truth, I think I haven't written here because I was afraid. I associate this in part with my recovery but also with the months of panic disorder. I promised myself that if I got better I would help others with motivation. and then I reneged on that promise. So I guess I am paying for that now. My situation is exactly like darkblue described. I was lying in bed on Friday night, trying to sleep, and then suddenly I began to panic. This was after about two months of no panic attacks. Which was fantastic. The panic attack seemed to have no trigger. It just crept up on me. Since then I have been on edge and I have had another two panic attacks. So I thought it was time to stop living in denial and come write here again.
 
On the positive side the panic attacks don't bug me as much while I'm experiencing them. I kind of think to myself- what is all the fuss about? But the memories of past panic attacks with day's and weeks spent in mental agony still perturbs me. I guess it's like getting over grief or a traumatic experience.
 
To keep my promise- I can certainly say this: my life is much better now. I do not avoid at all. Since developing PD I have done so many adventurous things that at one stage I thought would be impossible for me to do. I really have achieved a lot. I have given public speeches to Doctors and professors as a guest speaker. I have traveled to a foreign country where just one week later 200 people were killed by terrorists. I have had cobras round my neck (not a metaphor!) and I have been up chairlifts with no claustrophobia. So reclaiming your life is completely possible. I have to give some credit to antidepressants. They did help allot. One shouldn't refuse them on principle
 
Anyway enough of my blabbing. I just needed to write down some of my thoughts.   
 
 
 
  

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