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home alone


15 years ago 0 1693 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Jason,
 
That must be an awful feeling. Is there any way that you could try and shift focus, and concentrate on something positive that is in your life?
 
Breanne, Bilingual Health Educator
15 years ago 0 11 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
 
Hello everyone, it is 5:00pm and i am just now pulling myself out of bed, i woke up this morning withserious feelings of depression and hopelessness, its like the feeling was consuming my body in waves of heat and i was just frozen and couldnt move or think of nothing but terror, i just dont know what to do anymore, it just feels like my life is over, i hate this feeling.
15 years ago 0 150 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Hi Jason,
 
I've been there.  I think most of us have been there.  It's just part of the awful disorder.
 
But you're stronger than you think.  You have already made the first step to recovery - posting here.   I hope you work through the sessions.
 
I can't help but pick up impatience from your posts.  I felt the same when I first suffered from panic.  I just wanted them gone.  I would have given my right arm just to never have to think about panic any more, but as you know - it's not quite that simple.
 
Panic is a puzzle.  A puzzle which you must reverse. 
You have to trace your panic back to what caused it.  Was it your lifestyle?  Have you always been an anxious person?  Did you always worry a lot?

Then you have to re-educate yourself to learn how to deal with these things.  And when you do get there, you'll be so much stronger for it.  You'll have learned so much about yourself.  You'll have tools to deal with life more effectively.
 
But to answer your question straight on - Yes.  I was agoraphobic.  And at the same time, I was also scared of being alone myself.  I used my girlfriend at the time to lean on.  And when she left me, I felt like a child that his mother has just abandoned.  I felt lost and very anxious.  I didn't know what to do.  I couldn't handle myself alone.  My thoughts were just too self-destructive and my anxiety was out of control.

But I worked through the sessions, did a lot of detective work on myself, finding out what I was really like - what mental attitudes I really had.  Now I'm back at work, I'm coping on my own and most importantly - I'm happy.  And you will be here too.
 
Keep talking to us, Jason.  These members are gurus of the panic system.  

15 years ago 0 1693 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
  Jason,

Thank you for sharing your story with us. The thought of being alone can definitely feel overwhelming. However, other members have offered you some great advice here! Have you thought about creating a plan like Faith suggested? Perhaps you can prepare for Monday by scheduling activities that will keep you busy or surrounding yourself with people who may be able to provide you comfort if needed?
 
Let us know how your weekend goes. We are here for you if you need us!
 
 
Breanne, Bilingual Health Educator
15 years ago 0 2101 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Hey Jason,
 
I remember being exactly where you are at. I remember being terrified to leave my home yet terrified to be home alone! Scared didnèt even begin to explain how I felt! My husband had to come home or stay home more then once. My mom missed tons of work for me. It was awful and I felt so bad. I wish I could tell you it was easy to get over it. It wasnèt. But I did it and so can you. I know others have done it too. I donèt know how they did, I only know how I did it.
 
First, I found a local phoneline I could call when I was fraking too much. They could only talk to me for about 10 minutes max at a time but it helped. At first I called them all the time. Plus, My mom would call me 5 times a day from work. Knowing she would call helped me not call her home. I told myself I just needed to wait for her to call and I would get relief. But the way I got over it was to face it. I would stay home alone and I would call the hotline and talk to my mom and I would take it one minute at a time.I know I could come on here and post too. I would wait for the day to be over. And with everyday I managed to do it I got braver and I started feeling safer. The weird thing was the only way I got over my fear was to take it by the hand and let it accompany me through my days. With everyday that I survived to my fear I got braver and stonger. Then one day I relaized I had gone the whole day without calling the hotline. SO I told my mom to only call me three times... then one... Now the funny thing is I kind of enjoy my time alone at home! Go figure!
 
This can get better. It takes work but it is totally worth it. I was where you are now . Now I go out, stay alone and my life is so much better. And there is nothing special about me. That is the wonderful thing. If I can do it anyone can! The program here is so great! And the people are wonderful.
 
I think Joe and faith gave you great words of wisdom. You can do it. And if you get scared come here and post! It helps. Hang in there, it gets better.
 
And remember: This too shall pass!
15 years ago 0 11 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Wow, jhori82 you always respond so quick! I thank you so much for that! These thoughts and feelings surely are the evil, i long for the day i can be free from this evil spell! I long for the day i can walk through a park with my children and feel the warm sun on my face and the fresh air in my lungs! It seems like as of lately all i know is this illness and it feels like it consumes my whole being all day everyday! This website surely is heaven sent and all of you are my angels! Faith thank you for the advise, i will surely try it! e- hugs to you all.
15 years ago 0 43 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Hi Jason,
 
Welcome!
 
I also struggle often with being home alone. For me it's because I have a vomiting phobia and I'm very scared of the idea of getting sick while I'm alone, so I always want my husband to be with me when I feel sick or scared. I too have called him home from work or outings several times, and I totally understand the guilty feeling afterwards - it's especially strong when I've asked him to come home from something fun, like going to a movie with friends. I feel like I put a damper on his fun sometimes, being so needy.
 
I guess my only advice would be to make a plan in advance for exactly how you are going to handle it next time it happens that you feel anxious or panicky when you are home alone. Write it down, and then take it out as soon as you feel like you need to be reminded what to do. You can make a list of things to check off - lists always help me, anyway! - like 1. take 10 deep, slow breaths; 2. progressively tense and then relax every muscle in your body; 3. take 10 more slow breaths; 4. drink some water; 5. take a warm bath or curl up in bed. Those are obviously just suggestions - write down whatever helps you! Maybe work in a period of writing down and then challenging whatever your particular anxious thoughts are, like for me it would be "I'm probably going to throw up, and I won't be able to handle it because I'll be alone!" Then I would challenge it by saying, "I probably won't throw up because I only ever have 4 times in my whole life, and I've felt nauseous 1000s of times" (I have IBS or something that makes my stomach troublesome). "And besides, I've been sick on my own before and I survived - nothing terrible happened, and I felt proud at the end!"
 
I hope that idea helps :) Welcome to the boards!
15 years ago 0 466 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Hi Jason,
 
Check out the "Challenging Worry" posts, they can be found in the "Mod's Corner" section.  They are kind of a saving grace deal.  They don't stop the panic, but they do stop the panic from growing.  Come Monday, you still have this board and we will be around at one time or another...so you aren't alone!
 
I can definitely relate, as I've been stuck at home many a times with absolute fear in my life...a big step in overcoming them was challenging my thoughts.  Feeling like you can do it, then feeling like you can't after an attack is the WORST.  It's like you have a chance, and then nope...sorry, but that chance is taken away.  Keep in mind that since you've had that hope once, you can do it again.  Survive the bad, and you get to go back to the good again! 
 
Keep it up, it's hard but you really are doing great!
15 years ago 0 11 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
ok so i am new here but i want to share as much as i can and try to vent a little. Well ive already posted in the introduce yourself section explaining my situation, so with that in mind after having my major panic attack from the bad reaction to taking paxil and lexapro together i have had a really hard time with being home alone, i am terrified of it and up until thursday i have never had to call my mom home from work, well she came home and i immedietly felt better but when i woke up this morning i have been having nothing but anxiety and depression and i think it is because i feel like a failure and i feel like i cant do this anymore, i am so mad at myself for calling her and not trying to beat the bad thoughts and panic attack on my own! And now worse of all my mom cant miss anymore work or she will lose her medical insurance, so now i feel like come monday i will be here by myself again and if i freak out again i will have no help! This is causing so much anxiety and so many bad thoughts that i can hardly stand it! Its also causing severe depression and i feel trapped! I feel like im going to have to go to a mental hospital because i cant be here by myself, and that thought scares the hell out of me! So i guess im just wondering if anyone has this same problem or has had the problem of feeling like they cant be home alone and how did you get through it? Does anyone have any advise? I just hate how i can feel so strong to fight this on my own sometimes and then something bad happens and then i feel like i cant do it anymore! You know i wouldnt wish panic and anxiety and depression on my worst enemy these illnesses are horrible! 

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