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It was easier for me to stop altogether too. Wondering when I would drink, or how much I could drink when I did, was just too stressful. I hope things go well for you.
Great points Foxman. Maybe I will only share on a “need to know” basis. I.E. I’ll share if I need to, but only if I need to.
So is the point of having a sponsor to talk to that person when you need to talk with someone? The predicament I am in is I want to talk about it, but I’m concerned that someone who hasn’t been there will have no idea what it’s like. I am sure some of my non drinking friends will think I’m crazy if I told them some of the things I did. But I think a person who had problems with drinking will understand better. Does that make sense?
One family stuck with us when I entered the fellowship of AA. And when I learnt that I am an alcoholic, I was happy that there is a solution but was aware of the stigma attached with it. And the traditions of AA talks about keeping it anonymous unless otherwise required to talk about it if it serves a purpose. Sometimes I have to expose myself because of some ignorant people who have no clue about alcoholism. They think of alcoholic as a person living under the bridge. They can't believe that there are many functioning alcoholic but as time progresses could very well end up there. So I end up educating them. It took about 2 years into my sobriety that I gained myself the confidence and few more that of my wife. For me its all about the attitude shift. Yesterday I had to be at a brewery where my colleagues met for a small celebration. I was there to be part of the celebration and am so grateful for the program of AA that I could be around drinkers when it was so un imaginable 13 years ago. Few know I am in recovery and also I mean some youngsters who quit on their own, they woke up at the right moment. Thats completely alright they may not even be an alcoholic. In AA we usually dont break the anonymity because, if we relapse others may think AA doesn't work. It works if we work it is what I say to others.
Good to hear from you. That’s wise advice you gave me for disclosing to friends. I am afraid of their reactions, but I guess real friends will support me. I am permanently quit now. There’s no back for me ever again. It’s too hard to manage drinking. It’s easier (for me) to just stop all together. Thanks again Lynn! Great to hear from you!
Hey Gus! Remember me? We started a journey together several years ago. I'm glad to hear that you are giving up alcohol again. In my experience telling people that I was not drinking was the best thing for me. I feared telling my friends that I drank with but it turned out to be really uplifting, they were very supportive. I was prepared to break ties with those that were not supportive because if they were truly my friend they would join me in my journey. My family was shocked that I needed to quit, they had no idea I drank as much as I did. Alcoholism runs on both sides of my family so they understood my desire to stop. I think every situation is different but in the end, the more people you have in your corner the better. Good luck!
I have a question for users of this site. I am quit again. Last time, I didn’t really tell anyone, except for my spouse, and people here on this site . I think I had too much shame and guilt around letting it get out of control.
Is it wise to tell those around you about your alcohol problem? Or is that a bad idea?
Like Ashley suggested, I found counselling so helpful in working through the “why” of my drinking. I found that opening up and talking to an objective, caring and skilled person was what changed things for me. She helped me understand the emotions and feelings that I was trying to numb with alcohol. Lots of areas of growth left for me but I do see that I have grown emotionally and in understanding of how to deal with situations that continue to come up.
I also look forward to hearing about how things are going for you. Take good care of yourself, Gus!
It sounds like you have gained some great insights into what is fuelling your drinking. Resentment and anger are big triggers for many people. Resentment can be really toxic to hold on to. I am so glad you want to work on letting this go; as I agree, it should help. Letting go of resentment can be a process. Counselling with a good counsellor will expediate the process. A counsellor will help you to identify the other emotions and thoughts associated with the resentment. Accepting these feelings, mourning the disappointments, tweaking your narrative and working on forgiveness may be a part of that process. You also may want to look into Cognitive Behaviour Therapy. We have a sister site with free, self guided CBT programs here: https://evolutionhealth.care. You do not have to have anxiety or depression to benefit from the programs. The communities on the above site would also be a safe space for you to vent some of your resentments and work through them. Sometimes talking through things can really help us to heal and move on from resentment.
Whatever you decide to do, I am interested in hearing about your journey. Please post again soon.
Gus, you are welcome. I will also recommend, googling pdf version of the book "A New Earth" and reading certain segments like "Voice in the head", "Carrying the Past", "Duck with a human mind" you can quickly understand how the mind/ego operates. Once you get the concepts, you can perhaps read the whole book.
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