I could totally relate to what you posted. I couldn't control the amount of alcohol I took after I took the first one. But the problem was, I was going back to it. I couldn't stay stopped. I will always come up with an reason. When I entered the fellowship of AA and read the book AA, it talks about the peculiar mental twist that precedes that first drink. We get blind sighted. The reason is, we couldn't handle life on life terms. So the mind gets agitated, restless, bored... anxious... and then we turn to what we know the best. Alcohol. It gave us the sense of ease and comfort taking a few drinks. But then we lose control we end up way over the limit. Thats the vicious cycle we get caught.
This is my first time posting. I want and need to stop drinking as I have no control over how many drinks I have once I start. It’s like all rationale thinking disappears, and I have no regulator or off button. I did it again last night and feel horrible about how I spoke to my wonderful wife and the nasty things I apparently said. I have no recollection of what I said but what she told me makes me feel horrible.
Congrats on getting started. I recommend reading through the program and using the keyword search in the forums to find discussions that pertain to you. Also, be sure to post and check in often. If you make yourself accountable you are more likely to stick with it. Are you planning to abstain or moderate? If you are abstaining when is your start date?
Part of it for me is remembering why I reached out to this resource in the first place: because I had terribly hurt someone I love because of drinking. The thought of causing that kind of hurt again is part of my motivation to not repeat that. Also, examining over the past few days some triggers, thinking about really wanting a drink versus the habit of drinking daily. Yes, it’s an scape for me too, so little by little addressing the things that make me want to escape and finding more healthy ways to cope, like exercising, reading, cooking.
I am pretty nervous to be writing here as i have never done this before. I am just looking for support in stopping drinking. I hate the person I have become and I have started pushing away the people i care about the most. I turn into a horrible, violent person when I have had a drink and I use drink to mask my feelings on an almost daily basis. I have tried so many time to give up but something always happens which triggers my drinking again.
Does anyone have any tips or advice that I can use to help me this time?
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