Hey Foxman, that was a pretty heavy passage you laid out there today. I actually had to read it twice to truly grasp its
Significance. It was a perfect read for me today for two reasons. First, I had a difficult conversation
With my son this morning. That is very rare between us. It was a misunderstanding and it's all
Good now, but it threw me. Also it's a Friday which always turned into a binge day for me. This passage
Echoed many of the same things I had been telling myself today. I reaffirmed that I had no control over alcohol and therefore I had to surrender to the pain and also to letting a higher power pull me through. Don't get me wrong.
I know the ultimate choice to take that first drink is mine. This site helps me a great deal simply in knowing I'm not alone. I am grateful that these mental twists have been rare so far. Each time I find myself on the other side of them,
I feel stronger. Thanks for checking in. It means so much! Mara????????
In the book Power of Now by Eckhart there is a chapter "Meaning of Surrender":
To surrender is to accept the present moment unconditionally and without reservation. It is to relinquish inner resistance to what is. Inner resistance is to say "no" to what is, through mental judgment and emotional negativity. It becomes particularly pronounced when things "go wrong," which means that there is a gap between the demands or rigid expectations of your mind and what is. That is the pain gap. If you have lived long enough, you will know that things "go wrong" quite often. It is pre-cisely at those times that surrender needs to be practiced if you want to eliminate pain and sorrow from your life. Acceptance of what is immediately frees you from mind identification and thus reconnects you with Being. Resistance is the mind.
*---*
Different people are at various degree of consciousness. I believe you have a had a profound shift. So keep doing what you are doing. Bring to awareness if some thing goes on in between your two ears. Thats where the trouble starts.
Fox man, I was reading your blog and I couldn't agree more. For years I thought I was stronger than the drink. I thought I could learn to moderate and control my drinking. Time after time I inevitably failed. Small successes are what made me take so long to finally admit that in the end I truly had no control. For years I thought admitting this would mean admitting defeat. Instead, surprisingly, it was extremely liberating. I don't have to fight anymore. I have surrendered, I Left alcohol behind and am concentrating on moving on with my life. I know there will be days when I'm anxious, but now I know that drink is not my remedy. It only leads to more anxiety, thus more drink, a viscous
Cycle of pain. I used to avoid so many events and circumstances due to anxiety. I still feel anxious,
But I'm meeting it head on, baby steps but moving forward! ??????Mara
Good morning friends, just wanted to check in and wish everyone a clean, clear day
And evening. The fall has remained warm where I live. It has been a great setting for long walks and peaceful reflection. An ending and a new beginning. For me, it's a time of letting go of the past, forgiving myself and forging ahead to a life without all the heavy baggage that alcohol carries with it. Happy Tuesday
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