Hello, this is Dahlia. I posted here a while ago and got lots of great advice. Thank you all! Of course, my plan didn't work and nothing has changed. Today, I gave it lots of thoughts and I know that I really need to stop this masquerade.
As I mentioned before at one point I ended up in emerg and it wasn't pretty. The seizure was awful and I lost three days of my life not remembering anything.
I will never forget the faces of my parents when at last I opened my eyes and woke up. Especially my mom whom I love very much.
I guess we all have similar stories and all of them are serious. Today I want to change my reality. I want to be free and start again.
I remember when I quit smoking after three years of an awful emotional battle
I felt such a relief. I want this feeling again in my life. I do not want to think about drinking ALL THE TIME. Nor do I want rush to get another fix or hide from my neighbours or counting the empty wine bottles in my recycle container. I am facing the truth and it scares me to death. What an irony, I almost died already in the hospital that time.
I lost my job recently as my boss has retired and I got a new one without looking. I am starting tomorrow and it is very important to me that I give my best. I am thinking, the Universe offered me a gift (the job) for a reason. I fear that if I stayed home I'd at some point drink myself to death........ I had to stop here for few minutes writing these words....... Me writing :"I'd drink myself to death" just made it so so real... It is so scary!!!
I need to get serious about it. I realize that just praying and asking for help will not do much without me doing what I am suppose to do.
So I guess this post is not about asking for help any more. I know what to do. I realize that this problem will make me die eventually and I am the only person who can change that!
As I am writing this I am having my second glass of wine and I want it to be the last one before Friday night. After this glass I will toss whatever is left. Tonight I will have a perfect opportunity to drink again because my husband will not be home. I need to be strong. Tomorrow at 7:45 I am going to start my new work and tomorrow I need it to be a day when I know I have some control over my life.
If you read my post I am kindly asking you to have me in your thoughts. I don`t want any more blackouts. It`s sickening and embarrassing. Every single morning I wake up not remembering how I got to bed. I mastered everything to perfection. My husband never mentions me acting drunk or strange, therefore I know I am in control.... but, really, not so much. He has no clue that I don`t remember things. I think this is a reason enough, isn`t it...
