Congratulations on all the hard work you have put into this. Your success at moderation and harm reduction is fantastic. Not everyone is able to achieve moderation so I hope you are proud of yourself. I also think it is great that you are choosing to abstain due to your concern for your liver. Nice work taking accountability and making tough changes for your health. I am sorry you are so worried about it but I am very happy how willing you are to make these changes. Great work again.
In terms of your friend I am sure she will understand. I think you will be surprised how understanding she will end up being. Are you planning on telling her why you are abstaining? If not, how do you plan on saying no to alcohol? It can be helpful to have a plan in place closer to.
So while attending AA meetings, were you ever introduced to the 12 steps? Did you ever got to read the stories in the chapter "More about alcoholism"? There is that story of Man of Thirty who drinks after 25 years of abstinence and quickly spirals down and dies. Those stories are put to show the progressive fatal nature of this condition. Hope you are willing to re-visit the meetings and not let your experience stay away from the rooms.
My name is Lillybeth, I'm 59, and I've been a binge drinker since college. I have also always been able to abstain during the week but then binge on weekends. I have always been totally averse to drinking with a hangover first thing in the morning to alleviate the symptoms and have never done so. I stopped drinking for a period of 5 years 15 years ago by going to AA and just listening. I started again when I met my second husband who enjoys wine occasionally. For those past 15 years my drinking escalated to binge drinking (5-8 drinks) almost every weekend. For the past two years I have been in private therapy and group therapy and I have been able to decrease my drinking to <3 drinks on most occasions and 3-5 drinks once or twice per month which I don't want to do. Most times I have a strong desire to continue drinking even when I have set a limit. In the back of my mind, I actually fool myself into believing that one day I will just magically start having a shut off switch for alcohol just like a normal social drinker does. Of course I know in reality that will never happen. I take a very low dose of Zoloft for anxiety and I know I shouldn't ever have more than one drink. Last year my liver function tests were high and I am terrified about that. It's always when I want the buzz that I know I shouldn't drink at all, because I'm trying to mask a feeling-boredom, excitement, anxiety. I am outwardly an outgoing person and present in front of people for my job which I am completely comfortable with, but inside I have always felt low self esteem. I have posted my goal today, 12/22/16 but basically I am stopping today in preparation for my annual physical with liver function tests on 2/1/16. I would then like to continue abstaining for f months, until 8/1/16, have my liver tests again and see if anything has changed. I am terrified that I have done permanent damage to my liver. My fear about stopping and what I could use suggestions for is I have a weekend with a female friend coming up where we are going to use up her points at a city hotel. We have always drank together when we get together for dinner and I feel like she will express concern or I will feel like I've disappointed her if I don't drink with her. Literally all of my other friends don't drink/only drink socially so she's the only one and she is actually moving out of state in the fall so she won't be an issue in the long term anyway.
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