Here's what I've learned about life lately....as I approach summer and my 1 year anniversary of the changes made in my life thanks to this site and all of you that I've met and befriended through the growth process.
After reading some recent posts I have been putting a lot of thought into life and the circle we have, that becomes our spot here. We can continue to do our same dance---drink, binge, hide, be ashamed, be mad at ourself and so on and so forth.... or we can look at it as we have the power within to change. We can facilitate change in our own hearts, minds and bodies. I am living proof of that. For some that change is AA or therapy for others it comes from religion and still others like myself it comes from working through bad thinking and self doubt to "talk it out with a friend" to play it out in your head, to learn to love yourself enough to take care of your life and to care enough to want your real life back. I felt that I didn't deserve to live, I felt like the worst of the worst...and selfishly tried to remove my life from the lives of those that need me and love me. When you are deep in the river of alcohol you truely cannot see the bank. Can't see that we can walk up the bank and stop it. Just stop. That AV can be strong...talk back to it. Tell it to shut the hell up. AV can suck you back into the booze river. AV is just your own brain....working against you--negative thinking brings negative life. And sometimes we need to share our bad stories, sometimes we need to laugh at ourselves and sometimes embrace it, hey--we had fun getting drunk sometimes. But, we always took it to far.
I felt like the only way to be free of it was to get away from it for a while. That meant from even thinking about it, posting about it---anything. Maybe I was running from it. After a long time away from all of it I'm now in a place that if I feel like I want a drink...maybe I can have one....but, maybe it won't be worth it unless you can get messed up drunk....maybe I'll find I don't really like the taste ( I used to say that all the time...I love the taste of rum). Life is really not lonely and boring....alcohol is lonely and boring. Alcohol will take all your friends and convince you that you don't need anything but alcohol. And then when our good friend booze gets us all settled into our habits....well, then it will try to kill you like it did me. So, what I've decided is alcohol is not my friend. It's something I indulge in every once in a while---like a piece of cheesecake. You don't sit and eat the whole thing, you don't eat it every day....you don't run off and hide it.
If you can't do it in the light of day don't do it. I'm not hiding ever again. I'm too old for that crap.
Just my thoughts....
My advice and my success is this love yourself as you would an old friend. Stop beating yourself up....be kind to yourself and realize that if you mess up it's not the last day you will do so. It's not the end of the world...BUT it could be the beginning if we just reframe our thinking and look up and out....
