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Caught Myself

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11216

Hi Jim,

Nice work in coming back here and getting right back at it. That takes insight and strength!

Depression and anxiety can be triggered by alcohol. If you do a quick google search on depression, anxiety and alcohol you can read all about the brain and how it is impacted. It might also be related to how you view drinking alcohol. If you feel a slip is very negative this would likely impact your mood. I hope you feel better soon!

How are you feeling today?

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1562

This is all hindsight. Sometimes I was able to just stick with 1 20 oz long stem beers but most of the time, it would lead to more than originally planned. The key areas I had to work on was the state of being restless,irritable, discontented, bored, a sense of of not being of useful to others (low self-esteem). Which later on, learned to be the main cause of me hitting the blind spots, where I would pickup a drink with no thought of the consequences. Today reading the big book, even though it was written about 75 years ago, I was able to relate to "the spiritual malady" "mental twist" and the craving concept and the key is, by applying the principles, I was able to overcome the fear, obsession and most of the time I am sane. And when the irritability creeps back in, I can apply the principles and get well. I don't have to drink over it. Just got of the phone with Chaplain at the local county Jail and I will share the same with them tomorrow so that they will see how AA can help the inmates. If they are convinced, I am sure they will, I will to work harder to garner more support to take AA meetings into the Jail. This is all part of my recovery so I stay connected.

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1009

"My intention was always to just drink that one bottle of 32 oz beer....."

When you say that, was your plan to drink it over the course of a couple of days? I had to go to the beer store the other day to pick up beer and had a look at one of those things and, really, if you're intent was to drink just one it was still a deliberate decision to get buzzed. That's like saying "I'm only going to drink 1 glass of wine and finding a glass that can hold the entire bottle! Once you consume that much, all bets are off and driving to get more is driving over the legal limit. Not good. You had consumed enough to shut off the critical thinking part of our brain so of course you're going to go back. I'd say the mental twist was the fact you looked at that 32oz bottle and thought "I'll go with that one". Not trying to be critical, I just find it interesting how the mind works. I'd buy a 4 or 8 pack of the little high test ones and say "I'll start there....". Always had the idea that I'd chill out for the evening and keep drinking. Anyway, glad to have stopped.

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 315

I drank with the intent to get loaded every time. If it was an event that there was only going to be a couple for everyone I would bring more. I wanted me and everyone else to get loaded, to party even tho it was a Tuesday LOL. I gave up on Beer, too easy for my wife to keep track of my empties and it was not giving the affect till I had 10. That's when rye came in. One beer glass of rye was the same affect as 10 beers. Never wanted to quit. Knew my life was un manageable but didn't believe it was the booze that helped it be that way. I would go into the pub for one (drink) and leave at 2 (am) after filling my belly of rye. I actually intended to have just one but the "phenomenon of craving" kicked in and the spree was on. It took total rock bottom, scared the crap out of me. I realized I would be dead within a year if I kept going. Since then the phenomenon of craving is going away. I know the first drink is too many. I have never tried to quit before drank alcoholicly for 25 years (I am 41 now). Now by courage that came from a power greater then myself I am finding a better way of life.

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1562

My intention was always to just drink that one bottle of 32 oz beer. But invariably I would get thirsty after finishing the 1st one. And then I would make several trips to the gas station/package store. If my original intetion was to get plastered, I would have bought 5/6 bottles on my first trip. What I am trying to say is, I could never control the amount of liquor I consumed alcohol.

But again the drinking a whole lot more than we planned for is not the primary problem, its the "peculiar mental twist" I went through prior to picking up that first drink. I will start of the weeks as "This week, I am going to drink only during the week-end" or "I am going to take a break for quite sometime". However as the days progress, the uneasy-ness sets in, I would start feeling squirley, then I would take back the resolution I made at the begining of the week and then I would pick that first pint in the middle of the week. Then the vicious cycle.

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1009

So if you're starting off with a 32oz Bud and a regular bottle is 12oz you're drinking at almost a 3-1 ratio to everyone else, and drinking 3 or more you're almost up to a 12-24 pack. Same with the stronger beers. So, in reality, you're intention was really to get plastered. Hey, I'm not casting stones because I would do the same thing. It's like buying a bottle of wine (25oz) and saying "I'm only going to drink this one bottle". When I would open wine I pretty much decided ahead of time I was going to drink the whole thing.

The other part of that equation is our intention when we are drinking. we tend to finish those 32oz bottles in the same time someone else would finish a regular bottle. The intention is to get that buzz going, which is a precursor to excess anyway.

My point is, if we are truly honest with ourselves, our plan was to get plastered. As a test though you can ask yourself, or someone else "How do you think you'll feel after 4 or more of those 32oz Buds? Think you'll be plastered?".

I will say is I'm glad it wasn't of the Canadian 32oz bottles. :)

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1562

My one drink was a 20oz ice house bottle or a 32 oz Budweiser drinks. And then I would drink 3 or more. Later on when GA opened up the market for higher alcohol content beers, I would start with a pint of Steel Reserve beer. Maybe in the begining of the drinking career we all want to get trashed but not as we grow up. I want to be right. Having that even buzz that will last for sometime? But it doesn't work 99% of the time, I always go over. On Saturdays, I had to then scramble to stock for Sunday because of the policy then not sell beer on Sundays.

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 315

It is so true. I have not 12 stepped yet but I do believe that my story has helped others. For us to run around trying to save everyone that dose not want to be saved it will hinder the potential recovery. We attract rather then promote. When anyone anywhere reached out for help the hand of AA will always be there. Recover in not for people that need it it is for people that want it and ready to go to any length to get it.

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1009

"Sometimes the desire is still there and we forget to foster it. That's what I think.

Yes, thats exactly what happens to all the people who experiment with the idea of having just one drink. "

This is interesting because it's kind of counterintuitive to previous performance. I can only speak for myself here but I was never satisfied with just one drink.......if I was alone drinking I would get pretty drunk and that was the objective from the beginning. If we were at the neighbours for dinner I knew we would drink a lot or if we went to a party, again, we'd drink a lot. As drinking like normal people, well, that too is a little misleading because the vast majority of people I know drinking at a party, who didn't need to drive, drank enough to get pretty buzzed\ drunk, some to the point of being completely hammered. If we go to certain countries the normal drinking habit is getting hammered.

So, for the sake of being honest with ourselves, can anyone really say they only want to have 1 drink? I could do it in certain circumstances but I was never finished with it until I got really hammered at some point afterwards, almost like unfinished business, if that makes sense.

That being said, and with the idea that we can admit that we're not going to stop at one, do you think you could stop at one binge, and walk away from it? Since that's the reality of what we're saying, the next time we drink we'll drink too much. Just curious if anyone thinks they could stop at one binge after an extended period of sobriety, like a couple of years.

All the best,

Dave

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1562

Sometimes the desire is still there and we forget to foster it. That's what I think.

Yes, thats exactly what happens to all the people who experiment with the idea of having just one drink. They forget about the consequences few seconds before picking up the first drink. Thats the blind spot we all need to watch for. With improved awareness/consciousness I can 'play the tape all the way through' but that is not possible if I fail to improve my consciousness/awareness.

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Caught Myself