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First big trigger... I PASSED!
6/5/2014 7:21:17 PM
I am coming back from my good friend's graduation. She invited me and her mother from Mexico. The diner was a big spend for her but knowing I was trying to be sober she told me before that she would not mind if I cancel.
I thought I cannot stop to socialize because I don't drink. It has been my mistake the last time I was sober.
I thought for her that is a big event and I thought you will almost know nobody. that is the official diner: people won't get wasted that is obviously not the point!
When all the group after the ceremony came into one of the nicest restaurant in Paris, waiters were behind the bar proposing wines, water and juice. My friend is aware. I had an orange juice. But three of her friends who saw me drinking heavily and partying wildly like 6 weeks ago were there (also graduated).
A lot of pressure... Not because of craving but because I am not trained to the "No thanks". I was expecting the friends of my friend to ask me "are you not having a drink? Come on just a glass of champagne?! Are you having serious health issues?!"
At that point I freaked out. Before leaving I had read on the website what to do.
I went out in the garden. I have texted a friend. She had the perfect words to make me relax, breath deeply, feel confident and positive. Thanks to the website and thanks to my friend. I went back in being sure I would not drink a sip just to please someone. I took it as a challenge.
At the seating diner the waiters first filled one of my glasses with white wine for the first course. Then my second glass with red wine for the main course. My third glass and the only one I allowed me to drink was filled by myself with water and very often (-;.
I could not say no to the waiter to fill the glasses. The guys here are trained to not even be seen when they fill or refill or rerefill with wine!
I had no problem with that. Only the mother of my friend asked me "Are you not having even a glass of wine?"
So I said "No I am on a healthy break" and the daughter told her "Mum he told you he did not want any!". That was it. Not a big deal.
No frustration for not being able to drink as much as I needed like I had before. I did not like those kind of places because the waiter filling your glass I was always missing wine. They were not fast enough for me!
But I felt disabled watching those people around me. They were appreciating their nice wine matching with nice food. I felt "they are lucky... Me I can't". If I start drinking my thirst is endless. So it ends up badly. Then I go clubbing to drink. My main reason is to drink, not to get fun. I have realized that not long ago.
I also felt a bit of sadness thinking you will never taste again a super wine with a super diner. Went to my mind "one day at a time".
BUT I went back home biking. And while I was contemplating Paris by night with a sweet weather. I realized I was now able to enjoy this ride fully. The lights, the smells, La Seine. It would not have happened before. I felt free. Powerful. And I understand The future without al
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