Hi there. Welcome! I can totally identify with your thoughts. I am a registered nurse - have a good position in management, look put together, act put together but 28 days ago I was drinking a bottle and a half of wine (sometimes more) every night - 7 days a week. I am on Day 27 of sobriety. When I started on this journey I wasn't sure whether or not I was going to cut down or stop. I couldn't imagine life without having at least a glass of wine with my dinner. But, something clicked and I realized that I needed to stop. I was embarrassed to admit this to my dr. and therpaist - after all, I was a put together professional - how could I have a problem? Well, I did and my dr. reassured me that there are lots of us "professionals" who have the exact same problem and it's not something to be embarrased about! Now that I've stopped drinking, I feel 100% better - I can't really put into words just how much better I feel both physically and mentally. each day that has passed I have gained confidence and strength. Take one day at a time, ask God (whoever that is for you) for courage and strength, and most of all be gentle on yourself. Like you, I don't want to go to meetings...I have been able to do this with support and counselling from my family dr. and a therapist - also this website is helpful. But, the most important thing is that you get better and have the help you need so if meetings are what you need so be it. Good luck and hang in there. From one nurse to another.