Hi pamela. Hope you dont mind too much if i respectfully say that i dont really agree with that point of view., even though you have all the right in the world to think it. I dont think anybody gets anything from this panic condition. I can only speak for myself here with the knowledge of why i have become so ill with this. I spent the best part of four and a half years trying to get my wife through a period in her life where she had to deal with a terrible thing that happened to her in her childhood. I made the mistake to think if i loved her enough, used my strenght as the person i knew i was, then that would get her through it. All that happened though was that i became the victim of her abusive behavoir, which got me down so much, it destroyed my will power, made me a shadow of my former self. I had no idea i was so ill, until one day i went to catch a train, and i started what i now know was the beginning to my agrophobia and panic. I certainly didnt decide to let my negative thinking grab me, it just did, all by itself. at the time i was so worn out with all the rest of the stuff, that i just didnt have the fight left in me. I am myself deeply spiritual, so dont blame god, i think there is some purpose for what i'm going through now. Some lesson i have to learn to make my spirit stronger.In the end, like most things about our minds and bodys though, you push it too hard, then its going to give somehow. Like i know to be true for this episode in my life, prolonged stress is to blame, cause and effect. I cant think of anybody that wouldnt want what you are saying to be true, i wish it was. If only we could get up tommorow and say, "right, thats it, had enough of this panic, time to live my life again" and hey presto, its gone. That to me sounds a great thing to want to happen. It's not true though, while we have this condition, its those subconscious anxiety thoughts that are ruling our minds, not a need to cover for our insecurities, or to cop out of loving life. I love life, this thing just makes it all the more harder , for this period in my life anyway, to truly enjoy the gifts of life. I'm glad you feel the way you do though, perhaps thats your key to recovery, and i truly hope , like all of us here, that we all recover in whatever way

Hey nurseboy, I know your question was for redface, but I felt compelled to put my two cents in. God wants us to be happy and healthy and worry free. We decide at some point in time to allow our negative thinking to take hold of us and to develop into anxiety, panic and depression. Those of us who suffer from these disorders are always looking for someone or something to blame. If it's not God then it could be the devil, or it's our rotten childhoods, or insensitive people who take advantage of our kindness, the list could go on and on. Once we learn that we are the ones in control of our own minds and we have a choice to take control and love life and all that it has to offer or we can continue to wallow in self pity and be miserable, it's then that most people make the choice to be happy. Anxiety is just a cover for our insecurities, even though most suffers would deny it, we all get something out of feeling this way. It's our crutch and excuse not to have to take chances and live, love and lose sometimes. God isn't to blame or anyone else for that matter, yes alot of us have been through very difficult things, but you've got to come to a point when you decide to let it go and just live your life.

Thanks for filling me in! Hang in there as I will too. Do you get mad at God for your problems?

It has been very interesting to read your threads nurseboy; I want to answer your question about myself. I am married without children, with a very supportive husband, who was not so supportive a few years ago. When we were living in Canada where we are from, we were helping a lot of people with mental illness, just as you do in your job. Not as professionals, but as caring friends. But eventually it got to us. We had to get away. So we moved to another country. We had other reasons for moving too, however six months later we were still having nightmares about the people back home and all the trauma we had experienced. Some were diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, many were Major Depression, many were Bipolar, some were schizophrenic, stalkers, and paranoid. We were the ones they came to for help and support. But eventually it took it's tole on me, and my doctor said I was having what they used to call a "nervous breakdown". One Borderline was also slashing himself and needed hospital care on a number of occassions, so we spent much time in the emergency of the hospitals getting his wounds dressed, and watching him get his stomach pumped out. Near miss suicides too. After a while it gets on your nerves. Also, he kept calling us all the time wanting to spend time with us on all our free time. I grew too fond of him. He called me all the time. Another female Borderline also kept calling my husband all the time, and demanding he take her here and there and spend time with her. She made life miserable for both of us. The Major Depression cases also took a lot out of us, the Bi-polars were very fun to be with at times, and at other times not...and schizophrenia and paranoia in the family is very very hard to deal with. Add to that an alchoholic father who was suicidal and socially solitary, with no friends; life was not easy. Then my parents died one after the other, I suspect my father comitted suicide covered with alcoholism; my grandmother died, I was isolated from all other family members, and my mother-in-law who we lived with kicked us out of her house as soon as my inheritance came in. No family emotional support. The only thing that has kept me alive is my faith in God and his promises, my fellow worshippers, and the medic

Juts want to say thanks to all who have been helping me through another anxiety relapse. YOU people who post are PRICELESS, whether you talk, listen, or reply. THANK YOU to ALL!!!