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Facing the fear!!


17 years ago 0 5195 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Just checking up on you. You know the only thing you have to fear is fear itself. You are doing this! Check in and let us know how you are doing. This is your accountability partner calling! Can you hear me???? Scream at the junkie :p [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 7/1/2005 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 501 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 10,033 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $1753.5 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 44 [B]Hrs:[/B] 4 [B]Mins:[/B] 58 [B]Seconds:[/B] 28
17 years ago 0 39 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
penguin i have lost count of the times i have tried to quit. if i look at myself honestly, i am not sure i have really tried that hard. i feel like i am hiding in the "i tried" category. i ned to take the "quit" road and drop the "i tried". i am at a pretty low point in my self esteem right now. i used to run 7 miles a day, ran triathlons, was in the best shape of my life, guess what.... i smoke and i am overweight and look like ****. sometimes i do not know where to begin. i am beginning tomorrow..... barbara [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 11/20/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] -1 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 0 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $0 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 0 [B]Hrs:[/B] 0 [B]Mins:[/B] 0 [B]Seconds:[/B] 0
17 years ago 0 1306 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
I actually have never written a formal introduction of myself to this forum. I'm Penguin and I have been on this forum, (I'm ashamed to say) off and on for 1 1/2 years. I've quit for a period (107 days), tried again, then failed. Last month I went through hell week twice. For the last two weeks, I've been smoking. Every night when I go to bed I say, "that's it, I quit", and then every morning I wake up and buy another pack. Wasted a lot of smokes....or not. What I've realized is that I'm afraid, so very very afraid. I fear failure. But if I don't quit, then I have failed right! I fear giving in - I've done it so many times now. Don't know why I should fear continually knocking my head against a brick wall? Come to think of it - that seems to be the easy way - the way I have always gone...and then get mad and start hating myself because I did that. So I've realized that continually putting myself through this pain is "not working for me anymore". This forum is exactly where I need to be. There is a lot of "great souls" with some "excellent advice". No matter how many times you've tried - you are accepted here, and if it wasn't for that I would be here today! Today is the day! Quitting is doable - 5 minutes at a time. [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 11/12/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 0 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 0 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $0 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 0 [B]Hrs:[/B] 0 [B]Mins:[/B] 0 [B]Seconds:[/B] 0
  • Quit Meter

    $330,488.70

    Amount Saved

  • Quit Meter

    Days: 6028 Hours: 10

    Minutes: 3 Seconds: 3

    Life Gained

  • Quit Meter

    45428

    Smoke Free Days

  • Quit Meter

    681,420

    Cigarettes Not Smoked

17 years ago 0 1306 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
I wish I could explain it the fear. Perhaps that is what keeps me from facing it, because I DO NOT KNOW exactly. Or maybe I do. There is a monster in me that I fear. The one that this morning told me to go into the bushes (where I threw my pack of smokes last night) with a flash light and with no thought to my safety or what I was about to do, to retrieve them. Like a hungry animal after it's killed it's prey, thrashing about the tree limbs - I could see them. DON'T DO IT!!!! YES!!!!! I HAVE YOU NOW!!!!!! Yet I knew exactly what I was doing - It was completely irrational - I was insane. Yes- I am afraid of giving in. I did it though. I am afraid of having to give 250% of myself and then......giving in. From a very early age I have learned to give all that I've got, my eye on the prize. But you know what, I just don't feel like I've ever gotten the prize in my eyes. My loved ones would say how that is not true. Don't know if that makes sense. Imallclear - you did not offend. You hit a very raw nerve. I'm willing to look at it. That is fear. Lady - I know you believe in me. It's why I'm back and still here. Just wishing I could believe in myself and not the DEMON who is very aggressive. [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 11/15/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 0 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 0 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $0 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 0 [B]Hrs:[/B] 0 [B]Mins:[/B] 0 [B]Seconds:[/B] 0
  • Quit Meter

    $330,488.70

    Amount Saved

  • Quit Meter

    Days: 6028 Hours: 10

    Minutes: 3 Seconds: 3

    Life Gained

  • Quit Meter

    45428

    Smoke Free Days

  • Quit Meter

    681,420

    Cigarettes Not Smoked

17 years ago 0 1306 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Hard to be fearful when you get you favorite coffee at the mall and stop to watch Santa and the kids. Makes you smile and tugs at your heart. My reward for today. [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 11/15/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 2 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 54 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $23 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 0 [B]Hrs:[/B] 6 [B]Mins:[/B] 21 [B]Seconds:[/B] 0
  • Quit Meter

    $330,488.70

    Amount Saved

  • Quit Meter

    Days: 6028 Hours: 10

    Minutes: 3 Seconds: 3

    Life Gained

  • Quit Meter

    45428

    Smoke Free Days

  • Quit Meter

    681,420

    Cigarettes Not Smoked

17 years ago 0 1306 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Yes, I am still here, and I'm surprising myself. Went through a rough period this morning, where I was reduced and a crying blithering idiot, but I allowed that to happen, used some coping techniques (went for walk, called my hubby, self talk - like "smoking is not going to help this; you'll still be crying, only harder if you smoke"). After getting through it all I was happy, then the Demon was there again waiting to celebrating, so I went to bed to hide. Didn't smoke, and told him so. He's having a "timeout" on the curb. NOPE [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 11/15/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 2 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 52 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $23 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 0 [B]Hrs:[/B] 6 [B]Mins:[/B] 6 [B]Seconds:[/B] 38
  • Quit Meter

    $330,488.70

    Amount Saved

  • Quit Meter

    Days: 6028 Hours: 10

    Minutes: 3 Seconds: 3

    Life Gained

  • Quit Meter

    45428

    Smoke Free Days

  • Quit Meter

    681,420

    Cigarettes Not Smoked

17 years ago 0 2462 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Penguin, sounds like you are on the right track. Don't try quitting at night before you go to bed...it almost never works. Quit first thing in the morning. Change your routine immediately. Whatever you used to do in the morning, change it around. Drink tea instead of coffee. If you ate breakfast first, shower first. Focus on just a few minutes at the time and one action at the time. Don't worry about later...focus on right now. You've started looking at your fear. Think it through. Push through it. Yes, you're afraid, but that doesn't mean that you stop. I'm always afraid to go to the dentist, but I still go. I'm really glad you're here. Stay close, re-do the program tools, start your quit journal. You can do this...I know you can! Rusty :) [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 12/13/2004 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 699 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 19,584 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $2446.5 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 96 [B]Hrs:[/B] 5 [B]Mins:[/B] 6 [B]Seconds:[/B] 57
  • Quit Meter

    $54,953.60

    Amount Saved

  • Quit Meter

    Days: 648 Hours: 23

    Minutes: 11 Seconds: 46

    Life Gained

  • Quit Meter

    5284

    Smoke Free Days

  • Quit Meter

    211,360

    Cigarettes Not Smoked

17 years ago 0 763 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
This "fear" is your addiction screaming. and as you know, he can put up one hell of a ruckus. Turn your fear into anger that you are letting this sly dirty monster call the shots for you. Direct that anger straight at him! He is no good slime! Rise above him and kick some butt. Do this by taking PRIDE in each hour/day/etc that you stay clean.....look more at what that staying clean brings than allowing yourself to look back and long for what is past. If your addiction can keep you thinking about smoking and what you are missing by not doing it, well that addiction will win hands down.....you can't entertain a starving tiger and not get scratched, bitten, pinned down and finally eaten. You have to protect yourself from him. get plans made for what you will do when the cravings hit....plans that take you AWAY from the thinking and longing to smoke...... you are in the position to know that you CAN stop smoking....you are just having trouble maintaining. It takes a set of coping skills....it takes a solid commitment to WIN. remember now....no looking back.....the beast is back there.....freedom is gained by moving AHEAD! good luck....go kick his no good ash! Katy [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 1/4/2002 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 1779 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 71,177 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $10140.3 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 232 [B]Hrs:[/B] 2 [B]Mins:[/B] 22 [B]Seconds:[/B] 38
  • Quit Meter

    $158,998.00

    Amount Saved

  • Quit Meter

    Days: 5344 Hours: 12

    Minutes: 32 Seconds: 27

    Life Gained

  • Quit Meter

    45428

    Smoke Free Days

  • Quit Meter

    908,560

    Cigarettes Not Smoked

17 years ago 0 12049 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Pen, Welcome back and know that it is commendable that you are trying again! You have received some amazing advice from the members and they can help. You are going to have to want to do this and we can help. Your right, one step at a time can help you get through this. Try keeping a journal and write in it everyday. This may help better assess those situations that make you cave. You can prepare for them and push through! We are ready when you are so jump on in and hold on tight! Keep Strong, Josie _____________________ The SSC Support Team.

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