Monica, you are bound to feel confused, so much is happening in your life right now.
You have lost your Dad, I don't think you are allowing yourself to grieve yet - that will have to happen, but all in the fullness of time.
Quitting can also be similar to divorce (which in turn is like bereavement) because we finally have to admit that the relationship is over, and how controlling and one-sided that relationship was. But nevertheless it can still leave a sadness for a faithless "friend" lost.
I understand your need to celebrate the holidays, that too is a natural part of the grieving process.
There are many cultures that this becomes formalised - for instance the Celtic people, like the Irish, who will hold a wake. Likewise it has become common at funeral services (I'm sure in your faith too) to say "we are here today to [b]celebrate[/b] the life of..."
Yes, you are right to feel proud of your quit, and yes, it is natural to feel conflict and possibly guilt that you are happy about something when you feel you ought to be sad about something else.
Right now you are not allowing yourself to think about anything in great detail, that is your natural defences kicking in. There may be a crash or maybe just a gradual winding down of your current frenetic activity. When you do have a quieter moment, maybe it would be a good time to write a goodbye letter to cigarettes? This can be private or posted here, whichever seems right to you.
Finally, please remember, this is a great thing you have done for yourself, your family and your dad - you do deserve to have some happiness (and your dad would have been the first to say that) and reward for your achievement, please enjoy the holidays as best as you can :)
[B]My Milage:[/B]
[B]My Quit Date: [/B] 12/16/2004
[B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 728
[B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 23,324
[B]Amount Saved:[/B] �4368
[B]Life Gained:[/B]
[B]Days:[/B] 95 [B]Hrs:[/B] 7 [B]Mins:[/B] 34 [B]Seconds:[/B] 52
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Quit Meter
$34,644.00
Amount Saved
-
Quit Meter
Days: 753
Hours: 21
Minutes: 44
Seconds: 26
Life Gained
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Quit Meter
5774
Smoke Free Days
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Quit Meter
69,288
Cigarettes Not Smoked
