So I was having this monster crave this morning. The kind you feel in your chest, giving it a squeeze. As much as I tried to ignore and distract, the conversation was starting, so I took myself out for a walk.
Well the conversation had started with me sitting on the fence talking to both sides, when I pulled up short and said "ENOUGH, I'm not having this conversation anymore!!!!" "YES WE ARE" "NO WE'RE NOT".
I decided to turn around and head home, thinking that was the end of it then.....BAM....."While we are having this conversation, lets talk about some of the other bad things in your life, your other failures....hey...how about those." (That wasn't me talking)
I was doing all the self talk, taught to me by the great quitters on this site. I thought about a post about our emotional maturity stopping when we start smoking. I was thinking about what was going on in my life at that time, 13 year old. WOW! There was a lot going on in my life, not just with me, but with our whole family, every one of us. I think at that time, I kind of got left to be on my own, because there was so much pain in our house, and there they were.....my Mom & Dad's smokes....
All this conversation, and cryin at such, took place in the 15 minutes it took for me to walk home. It was painful to come to some of those realizations, but you know what....I feel so much better now...giving that l3 year old girl a long awaited HUG...I can move on now.
It's what this is all about.....growin up....but man, it's just a little early in the quit for this big head stuff.
Sorry for the ramble. No one else to tell that to, and I don't know any of you.
Even though it hurts, I'm still not smoking.
[B]My Milage:[/B]
[B]My Quit Date: [/B] 11/15/2006
[B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 4
[B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 90
[B]Amount Saved:[/B] $46
[B]Life Gained:[/B]
[B]Days:[/B] 0 [B]Hrs:[/B] 10 [B]Mins:[/B] 35 [B]Seconds:[/B] 12
-
Quit Meter
$333,304.13
Amount Saved
-
Quit Meter
Days: 6157
Hours: 9
Minutes: 42
Seconds: 2
Life Gained
-
Quit Meter
45815
Smoke Free Days
-
Quit Meter
687,225
Cigarettes Not Smoked
