Pam, you are so right about the meds. I didn't want to be on them, but convinced myself that I needed help and if meds helped me out of my hell, then I was going to use them. Have tried 5 or 6 different ones, right now I've been on Lexapro for a month and it really seems to be helping. You're right, we wouldn't try to "think" ourselves out of diabetis. Steve, I think that there are more men than you realize out there with this same problem, the thing is I don't think men want to admit it as readily as women do. I know a guy at work, he's 25 and he's had it bad and I never would have known at all if I hadn't told him about my problem. Alot of guys hide it, you are one up on all of them though, because you're here trying to find help. Good for you!!!!!!!!

steve, you mentioned you had a big drop in medication. I have found out the hard way that I have to take my meds (100mg of Zoloft and .05mg of klonopin) everyday. I tried to get by without the medication but I kept getting worse and worse. I don't know why it took me so long to convince myself it's ok to be on medication for anxiety. I guess I looked at it as a weakness on my part. But then my husband said if you had diabetes or high blood pressure you would take medicine to get better ,why won't you take medication to help yourself get over pd. It finally sunk in after that and now that I have stopped playing around by not taking it or lowering the dosage I feel pretty good. Guess my brain chemistry was really out of whack and needs the meds. And therapy probably would be a good idea you need to work through the issues of your childhood sounds to me like you have post traumatic stress disorder along with the PD and I know it's tough being a guy and dealing with this , but look at it this way since there are a ton of women on here and we are sensitive and compassionate you can come on here and pour your heart out and you'll have all of us to help you.

Except the gender ratio. It sure is hard as hell being a guy with this.

I gotcha. Thats one of my problems I keep dwelling on the past too much. I can't change it. I was about ready to give up towards the end of last year but I'm getting the feeling 2004 will be a good year. Hopefully. As far as my mother, she got remarried around the same time it was really hitting me and I really didn't know what PD was & threw me out of the house. Thank God at the same time one of my friends just got approved for his 1st house and took me in. Still to this day she drievs me nuts & screams. I was describing a little bit to my friend the other day my childhood & he told me that Eminem has nothing on me. She'll always be my mother but at this point I cannot be around her for my own sake. I was just thinking today that if I my child was born he or she would be 8 years old. Kinda depressed me a bit. But also If I had a kid I would never be too overprotective or kinda deprive the kid like I was either. Thank you that you wished me a good day. it started off kindof great, me & my friends went out shopping & to eat..but later on the way home I was in a overly crowded bus & it got to me even after I got out I was feeling lousy but I still got through it. I don't know it seems like even when I'm happy I still have a constant level of anxiety that never goes away, like my head tense,muscles bothering me! Maybe it's the big drop in my medication I just have to get used to it & definitely could use some therapy. It's been a while. Anyways I came home seriously depressed for alot of reasons but no problem if I was any help. I'm no philosopher LOL but like I saw in some other post I sure could get paid excellent to think & think! Funny how we have alot in common on this board. Take care, Steve

Steve, thanks for responding to my post. I'm glad to hear you are going out and having fun, we can't let this disorder control our lives. I'm going to adopt your philosophy and kick mine in the ass too. Sounds like you had a childhood similar to mine. I have a mother who was abusive(not physically but mentally and emotionally) she would yell and scream at me constantly, she seemed to get pleasure out of breaking me down and making me cry and panic. But the past is the past and now it is time to look towards the future. I have a feeling this is going to be a wonderful new year. Also, thanks for the advice about how to handle my son,I think maybe God has given me a chance to undo some of what was done to me by giving me a child who has panic and anxiety , I can love him uncondtionally and let him know I'm proud of him and will be there for him no matter what. In a weird kind of way I can heal my childhood by making sure his childhood is a great one. I hope that makes sense putting feeling in to words isn't always easy. Thanks again for your advice. Hope your day is worry and panic free.

Well Pamela I really can't give you a correct answer because I don't have any kids although I almost had a child myself when I was only 16 years old! It was a miscariage so I'm sure it wasn't meant to be. But yes I was sensitive & still am. From what I was told and it's coming back to me now my mother used to spank the hell out of me over anythingt and when I would cry she would keep spanking me again & leave me in the room and scream at me until I stopped crying. All I can say is that is not the way to go with a kid that was pretty messed up besides my other unusual punishments when I was younger.. I got a little personal there but I think that whatever a kid does good at he should be praised for whatever that is, do not be so overly strict on him like I was brought up...& not punished ridculuosly like I was by my mother. Anyways I'm abouut to go to sleep Pamela because I got to wake up early tommorrow morning because I'm going out with my friends again like I did tonight... Had alot to do with your post it really put some positive thinking in my head:) :) :)! I am not gonna let this disorder kick me in the ass anymore I'm going to kick it in the ass! That's kinda my new years resolution. God bless you too, Steve

Steve, trust me you are definately not alone. If you haven't already read thru all the posts on this support group there are tons of people just like us out there. There is a website someone posted called the highly sensitive person you should look it up and take the test and it very insightful. I also do not take loss very well I still get upset sometimes about my dad who died 17 years ago. In answer to your question ,yes I do think people who feel everything deeply are more likely to get PD. I know it must be even harder for you being a guy. One of my sons is very sensitive and cries very easily( I can already see the panic and anxiety developing in him) he gets alot of grief from everyone about not being tougher. Maybe you could give me some advice on how to handle his sensitivty since you lived it. I don't want to do anything to make it worse. Hopefully if I help him now he won't have to suffer like we have. Hope you have a great day and God Bless.

Ann you kinda sound like me talking I sure can relate. My doctor was nice but he was doing nothing but passing out drugs & the last therapist I saw wanted me to keep coming back over & over again not really helping me out one bit! I FINALLY found a psychologist in my area who SPECIALIZES in anxiety disorders & depression. I hope he can help me and I can afford it. Pamela your post about your Aunt REALLY has me inspired, adding to what I am trying to add to my thought process already. I am 25 years old & have had this rotten disorder since I was only 19 years old. I have wasted almost 6 years worrying, worrying, about my symptoms,feeling faint, dizzy & tension bothering me the worst..................WHAT A WASTE OF TIME....I want my life back or at least a better life & I am fed up...I can't just snap out of this but I can't let this ruin me either. Although I came from a religious upbringing I don't exactly consider myself a saint but I still pray everynight & I know that I am put here for a reason. & Hopeful your post about your dog..made me sad..almost shed a tear..I am very sensitive when it comes to pets dying. I always wanted a dog. My family got the 1st 1 when I was around 12 years old. I cared alot for that dog, I can remember clearly taking her for walks and everything, such a sweet dog...LONG story but she ended up catching worms & thnaks to my mother who I really am not on speaking terms with....another LONG story....had her tooken away & no doubt put to sleep. I'll never forget the last days..My mother had her in the garage because of the dogs bowel problems & I hadn't seen her for days, I walk in the garage & she was staring at me crying & trying to come to me because she missed me. I bursted into a thunderstorm of tears & petted her & that was the last time I saw her. My 2nd dog died of Leukimia underneath a computer chair. I wasn't living with my family but I still cried my eyes out. Dog # 3 just turned 3 years old & is alive & kicking & I spoil the hell out of him & hardly ever turn him down when he wants to play or wants attention(Almost 24/7) This is going to make you laugh your asses off but here goes..I remeber having a pet caterpillar when I was real young die on me...I kindof remeber & was told that I cried for quite a

Hi Everyone I wanted to respond to all the Great stuff I have just read on this page. WOW, it is incredible to read that other's are exactly like me in how their panic manifests. it blows me away how specific the fear is and that I too have that fear of dying. Until I read this page I really didn't know just how much I had in common with everyone. I have been obsessed with death for a long-long time now. Even when I am not panicy I worry about what it is going to be like and how I will feel when I die and what it will be like when I can't breathe anymore!!! It drives me crazy I feel so ashamed that I am only 42 and I spend a good deal of my time thinking about it. I obsess constantly about "when I was younger" wishing my precious time away thinking about how I wish I could start all over as a young kid -who never smoked-never did all the "destructive" things that I have to my body, which NOW it seems it's catching up with me. I have to go for major surgery in a month or two and I am TERRIFIED of being under anasthezia. The thought of having to be "out of it" and then having to wake up and be confined to a bed have to take pain medication-fills me with such terror. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!I also have the body thing-last night I went out with a friend and while we were sitting at this table talking I started getting this weird feeling in my wrist, then I started getting sharp pains in my ears, well, I started obsessing about a heart attack and sure enough my chest started hurting, well sure enough within an hour I was all freaked out full of panicy feelings and my chest was so tight I could hardly breathe. I was very mad because until I went out I felt o.k. I trie hard to stay away from caffeine and I do alot of self-talk, breathing, and distracting myself. I try too, to tell myself that it is just panic and it's not physical, but either way -somehow it always seems to end up back to my intense fear of death. Each and every time I go into panic -even after having it years now, I still think that "this time it is going to be it". One particular experience I would like to share that I feel is very valuable information is about taking Klonipin. I don't want to scare anyone-in any way, but I feel this is worth knowing and passing on. I was on Klonipin

Mainy, Everything is going to be ok. You are obviously very young and you are overwhelming yourself with all of you thoughts about death. I know it's scary and and very hard thing to accept, but your fear is not going to go away until you make peace with what it is you fear. When you begin to get panicky and start having anxious thoughts the first thing you need to do is stop , take a deep breath and think of the best memory you can conjure up like your first kiss or a fun day you had while on vacation. Make your mind think of these things no matter how much it wants to go in the opposite direction and think of all the scary stuff. Don't think about dying tell yourself you'll worry about that later when your older and trust me it does get easier to accept as you get older and wiser. I work with the elderly and most of them tell me they are tired and ready to die. Like I've said in earlier posts God will provide everything you need if you will only turn all of your fears over to him. Have fun enjoy your life and I promise you are gonna be just fine.