I didnt wake early this morning and my thoughts didnt ramble. I did forget to do the morning meditation however. I need to refresh that habit. I just feel tired today, I lack energy and enthusiasm. I missed work yesterday and slept a good portion of the day hoping to get my body clock back on schedule.
The negative thinking poked it's head in several times yesterday but the thoughts were not of anxiety triggering intensity but rather just the annoying kind, causing an overall [i]blah[/i] feeling. I am re-reading the self-forgiveness handbook looking for clues.
So far I can see the mood swing coming as it enters the beginning stages but I cant yet see the exact trigger. I examined this yesterday and I am gradually moving toward a "routine change" as the possible first step in the cause of the symptoms. For instance...
I was doing fine until 2 weeks ago I only got 4 hours sleep on a Friday night. After that things began to gradually deteriorate. I had a lot of stress at work and I had a multitude of house maintenance issues to take care of. Suddenly this weekend the excitement stopped. So again I am back to thinking a high stress period ending will be followed by this feeling I am having now. I think I need a more "level" existance. Less peaks and valleys.
There are two ways to accomplish this, one is to eliminate the valleys and remain keyed up all the time (not very practical), the other is to be sure to balance down time into the hectic periods. This may not be as easy as it sounds. When things are popping and I am full of vinegar, it seems to be a good time to go full steam. It is going to take some dicipline to force myself to relax during those times.
As usual, this is a work in progress, I am just searching for answers like everyone else. Thanks for letting me type here.
Have a great day.
Mike
