I believe for me what causes the crying is talking about the problem itself, because usually the problem is something that hurt emotionally that I want to discuss and let my spouse know that it hurt my feelings. I always compare it to when you are having a bad day but you are alright until someone asks "What's the matter"? Usually at that point the tears would start. I appreciate the advice, I will definitely try these out and see what helps. I like the idea of writing my thoughts down even if I don't want to communicate them that way, at least I could have something to come back to if I'm having trouble expressing myself.
Welcome! I am glad you found us. Crying can be a very healthy and normal expression of emotion. That being said, it sounds like you feel crying is interfering with your ability to communicate. You might want to consider what is behind the crying. What thoughts are triggering the tears? Challenging these thoughts or accepting them could be a part of the process.
I think writing down your thoughts is a great idea. You may not want to always express yourself via text or email but it might be helpful to write down your thoughts prior to talking to someone. Once you become more experienced in working through your thoughts, you may not feel the need in continually writing down your ideas. But for now it might be helpful to consider these questions prior to talking to someone that may bring up a conflict: What message do you want to get across? How do your needs and values play into what you are saying? What specifically do you want to happen to change the situation? What part do you have to play in this situation? Where might you need to change? What expectations do you have from the other person? What do you think are the expectations they have of you? How can you meet in the middle?
You might also want to try relaxation techniques prior to and during the discussion. Deep, slow abdominal breaths might help. Clenching and releasing certain muscles might also help. I have also heard that pinching the bridge of your nose might help to prevent crying as well. Find what works for you. Also, stepping back from the conflict for a moment and being mindful of what is going on - internally and externally, right in the moment. This can take a lot of practice but if you can step back and witness what is going on objectively it can be helpful in choosing how words and thoughts affect you. It will likely take time and practice but you will be able to be more confident in expressing difficult emotions.
It would be great to hear other members thoughts on this as well!
I am new to this forum but thought it seemed like a great place to start in trying to work on myself and my anxiety. I have been dealing with anxiety my whole life, starting from being very young and being known as "shy" to even now having trouble with public speaking or being in certain social situations for fear of what people will think of me. I'm working on it though! This discussion I wanted to start is around an issue I'm having and have been having my own life; difficulty with having tough discussions with people (friends, family, spouse, you name it). My biggest issue is when a particular issue or topic is upsetting to me, I cannot hold back the tears. If I try to express how I'm feeling with words, I get choked up and I feel like I can never quite get what I'm feeling out in the way that I want. I will cry, I will feel better, but then the underlying issue that made me upset to begin with was never resolved. I'm finding this particular behaviour very difficult in my relationship. If something upsets me I tend to hold it in because I know if I try to address it, here come the waterworks and then I won't be able to express myself. I've tried using email or texting to some extent but that is also not the way I want to handle things. I want to be able to sit down and have a conversation with my spouse or friend without it affecting me on such an emotional level. Anyone have any tips on how to make progress in this area? I should also say that I'm a cryer to begin with; happy, sad, mad, frustrated, whatever ... if my feelings are strong enough it seems my only outlet are tears!
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