Hello my name is Paoa, and I've been fighting and battling with depression for the past 3 years. I'm married have been for 12, been in my career for 6 yrs, have 3 children whom I love and adore. I am a person who took my dads work ethic, which was just insane when I was a kid, but he always found the time for me and my siblings. I took from my mom a strong hand of discipline, with the thoughts of they will understand when we're older. I am a very loving person, I love my family am considered a momma's boy and just someone when you need something I am there. I love coaching youth sports, have coached my sons in basketball, baseball, and our favorite football. I have always been someone that people always want to like, and be around. I am quick to make friends and keep them. This all changed alittle over 3 yrs. ago.
It all started with my lack of wanting to get up and go to work. I just couldn't. I knew I needed to provide for my family but I just couldn't. I'd stay up til 4-5 am in the morning, and fall asleep til 1-2. I wouldn't sleep in my bed, I'd sleep on our couch in the 'entertainment' room. I started lacking more and more patience with my kids. Flying off the handle at just random things and 'stupid' things. Tried hiding what was going but that didn't work, because the people friends and family could sense it and see it. They'd ask 'what's wrong, you don't seem like youself' and i'd reply, o nothing. Because I didn't know... I didn't know WHAT was going on. I didn't enjoy the things of which I LOVED... my family, coaching, my friends... I just wanted to stay in bed, and stay in my hole. I'm NOT LIKE THAT, THAT'S NOT WHO I AM!!! Than around Sept '06 I talked to a friend of mine, whom told me a similar story, and everything was EXACTLY I was going through. Come to find out it was him. I was shocked, but overjoyed. I had someone who had gone through the same thing, as well as I could put a face to how I felt. Made a Dr. appt., and found out I've got severe depression. Tried some different medications... found what I thought worked... and well. It's not.
It's been about a year since I saw my physician last, haven't tried therapy. Well, I've got a appt. with my Dr., and am looking for a therapist. While doing so I stumbled on this website. I've always been one who feels they need to be in control, I think that's why my depression is so debilitating to me. Is because no matter how I try, I'm never in control. I hope that with this therapy, something I can do on my own, review new ideas and so forth, as well as some counselling I can manage this disease. It is ruining my marriage with my high school sweetheart. And as much as I want to save that... I need to save myself first. I need to get back to whom I AM! not who I've become. And hopefully through this and all the stuff I need to do, my wife will fall IN love with me again, and I with myself. Thank you and hope to hear from you all.
---- aggravated face! 
