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17 years ago 0 +0 / -0 910

Hey JadedJewel,

As we both identified we are not in a position to be a great help to each other. But I did want to ask, did you ask him to go to couple's therapy? It took doing but now my hubby is up to it. And I even managed to find (finally!) a therapist we could afford. We have an appointment in a few weeks. I figure it might help me and my hubby, it could help you and yours! Anyway, hang in there, you are in my thoughts. And do be kind to yourself!

17 years ago 0 +0 / -0 201

hi jj- can your doctor give you a referal to a psychiatrist? endep is a tca - did you read about the medications on the main page? there's way better stuff on the market now. maybe even the effexor would be a better choice now? how do you know you also don't have postpartum depression? research medications so when you talk to your doctor next time you will be able to ask questions just google antidepressants 2008 or best antidepressants - you'll find alot of info on the different types and the reasons for prescribing each one. i'll just tell you what my psychiatrist told me - lexapro is the best antideppresant because it has the least side effects. it's a very selective seratonin reuptake inhibitor. you need to know about these things, cause you gotta drive this bus! you gotta question your doctors and make sure they give you adequate time and answers, be assertive, it is your right as a patient! if the doctor doesn't like it - bad doctor! maybe i am the last one here to tell you to be assertive because i am usually passive/aggressive which is assertive lite and assertive dark....i have a tendency not to filter my thoughts and have have let doctors have it when they have tried to dismiss me. POW BAM F/U!

as far as your partner goes, i agree with goldendawn entirely! and i shouldn't say more......but i will, he needs a good swift kick in the a**! hang in there, post when you can and take care of you and baby - can you talk to his mother? is there any family that can help you? you need someone to help you through this, cause you have alot of your plate. you are a good mother - sometimes you may not recognize him but i'm sure when he sees you his face lights up!

17 years ago 0 +0 / -0 16

Rose306 my son is 9 mnths nearly 10 mnths. i have been the constant in his life ive always been there. his father had to go away for work for a little while so he is used to daddy coming and going. thy gave me Endep which also have a sedative in them to help me sleep because wasn't doing too much of that either. I used to be on Effexor before I was pregnant and then I stopped taking them because I had bad morning sickness and they were making me feel worse. My regular docter is not a pshcytriast. I don't even think we have one in this town. I hate that i am making my son anxious as well. The thought just makes me feel worse and then I feel anxious for feeling anxious and it goes on. I was diagnosed with major depression 3 years ago but at that point the anxiety feeling wasnt apparent.

Goofy thank you for your post. I know that it is not right for me to carry everything. I guess that is why I resent him. I will also try and post here more often.

Diva thank you for your post. As I said in your post we can't really help each other because the situations are too close and if we knew what advice to give..well yeah. But I do need reminding to take care of myself. I almost always make myself last priority. I haven't been eating or sleeping properly for months and I guess my body just has had enough of me.

Goldendawn I totally agree with what you said about being the breadwinner and homemaker. I have tried to explain this concept many times to my partner but he just said that he could do it so i should have to do it too. The thing is though that he wasnt really doing everything as i was focusing on taking care of my son and he hardly did anything for him. I guess he does help me with housework but he always makes me feel guilty about it or he'l leave me a job to do but he won't tell me ive got to do it until the last minute and then i get angry and flustered and just a big baby. What a site. So then he thinks I'm putting it all on just to get out of housework. Really I could think of less exhausting ways to get out of it then this. He won't cook a meal for when i get home because one night he did and I came home late because work was busy. So now he doesnt start till at least an hour after ive come home and dealt with the baby and maybe had time to have a shower. It annoys me though because when he was working I always made sure that our son was fed right before he came home so that he could have a bit of play time with daddy before his bed. But I don't get the same courtesy.

Sarah thank you for your post. I have tried several times to talk to my partner. He tells me just don't worry about things. I'm like well how do i do that? and he says just don't think about it!! I have no idea how this logic works

I am glad today is over. I was feeling quite anxious about going to work last night. I kept questioning my abilities (which is totally ridiculous as im about the most experienced one there....go figure!) and it was like my brain went round and round in a big cycle of all these bad things that could happen which made me start freaking out. I ended up just taking my Endep and let the sedative take over my brain because it was going over and over the same stuff.

I just feel like nothings worth it anymore. I feel like i don't want to go on knowing that I will be fighting myself inside. There is no point to life except misery in the end. I just want to curl up in a little ball and just never get back up. I don't want to do anything or see anyone.

I guess i will sign off for now.

17 years ago 0 +0 / -0 955

JadedJewel, It can be a very difficult transition to working for you and for your son. Have you spoke to your husband about these difficulties? You have also received a lot of great advice from other members here. What are your thoughts on what they have written? Keep us posted on how your appointment goes with your doctor. Sarah, Health Educator

17 years ago 0 +0 / -0 4

I've done this one, where you drown in responsibilities and can't ask for help

Being main breadwinner and Homemaker is too much for anyone, never mind someone struggling with depression.

husband looks like he's doing nothing so ask him

If he's at home all day, then could he take care of the housekeeping?

It's not unreasonable for you to ask if he can have the basics done and a meal ready for when you get home is it?

and if he has time on his hands, then maybe this could be his chance to step up to the plate as main childcare provider

Your son, instead of losing a mom, he could gain a dad and you could gain a househusband, then you only have work to cope with,

could you ask him, would he go for that kind of thing?

it could be a positive change

17 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1044

Jaded Jewell, I agree with Rose306, sounds like quite a load of responsibility that you have. I can relate (many years ago) to having to work and being a single parent made it rough on my son. That did not make me less of a parent. If your partner is not holding up to his end of the responsibilities, then it's time for a sit down - as Rosee306 said - therapist or just you and him.

Either way it's not right for you to carry the load (someone just said this to me in a previous post). Also, take comfort in knowing that working, parenting is a full load, if there's added weight, you might need to let go. I hope you find balance and a discussion with your partner will help you get issues back on track with sharing responsibilities.

I have to agree with Rose306, when we post we realize things(note above: someone just said this to me in a previous post) and it helps us put things into perspective. We see others care, we have a way to let it all out. We get advice and encouragement. I haven't seen anyone criticized on here for posting too much! Hang in there and let us know how it goes with the doctor and until you get to see him.

17 years ago 0 +0 / -0 910

Hiya JadedJewel,

I am not sure what to say about the mom thing as I have no children. All I can say is that all the moms I know think they are not good enough and all of the moms I know are great. So I think you should cut yourself some slack. You love him and I am sure he knows it and that is what counts. As for the seperation anxiety, it can be fixed. I am sure you could do a little research and find some great tips for that!

As for your hubby losing his job and you being angry at him...been there, done that. I wish I had great advice for you but if you have read the forums you know my marriage is not doing so well. As such I am in no position to help anyone on that.

One thing I do want to say is: Take care of yourself. The best thing you can do is take good care of yourself. If you don't you won't be in any shape to help anyone or fix anything. so be good to yourself in this difficult period!

Hang in there! It can get better.

As for your hubby, he might be depressed and then therapy might benefit him.

Anyway, sorry I cannot be more helpful. Please keep us posted on how you are.

17 years ago 0 +0 / -0 201

hi jj - you've had a rough week to say the least! how old is your son? it is completely normal to think that you are not a good enough mom and that he would be better off with someone else. i've had those thoughts. your partner sounds depressed, too. your resentment is normal. what pills did they give you? is your regular doctor a psychiatrist? your son is anxious because you are anxious! therapy and medication, jj. you need both because you could end up in the hospital again. you have to get on top of this - the more you know, the better off you are. you are not alone. i hope you get all the responses you hope for it shouldn't matter whether or not you post much, but maybe it would help you if you did more often...for no other reason than it helps you to get your thoughts together. which drugs were you on in the past and do you have a diagnosis - sounds to me like panic disorder, depression. it would be a good thing if you and partner could see therapist together. you both have alot going on - i feel for you, i really do. you gotta help yourself and really make the effort for your boy! it's like the old shrink story of being on a plane and the oxygen bags fall, first the parent then the child because if you pass out, who will take care of him? hang in there, ask questions, make lists, get to doctor soon. surprised you have to wait 2 wks after a hospitalization - im not thinking too highly of your regular doc. make this a priority!!!! hang in there jj - sometimes life just seems to enjoy kicking our a**es.

17 years ago 0 +0 / -0 16

Hi I know I haven't really posted much here so I don't expect much response to this but here gos.

my partner lost his job so now i am trying to be at work 5 days a week. this has caused my son to go into mega seperation anxiety overload. I am resenting my partner because I just feel like he doesn't want to work and just wants to sit at home all the time. Sometimes I look at my son and I don't even register that he is mine. I am trying to be a good mum but sometimes I just think I am not cut out for it and he would be better off with some one else. I love him to bits but I feel like he deserves so much better then me. At work the other day I freaked out and had a panic attack. They took me too the hospital and the docters there gave me some pills. I am going to see my regular docter in 2 weeks to see what he says. Hopefully these drugs work as the last lot I was on didnt seem to do anything. I feel like Im drowning in all my responsiblilitys and I don't know how to handle it.

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Struggling to keep afloat