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15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 42

Oh Rose 306 you are a tonic - had a good laugh thinking of myself drained of water - left with wrinkles and chemicals

I am seriously thinking of trotting off to the doc to see what he thinks about antidepressants. I will give them a try if he advises me to use them. Will keep you posted. Been driving that bus all my life, guess that may be a contributing factor to how I am feeling - too long in that seat. I'll hold him close, I know how precious he is because I nearly lost him a few years ago.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 201

goofy - i got thru menopause without hrt - a cold bowl of water with washrag near bed and big fan blowing on me. i think i had it pretty easy, no complications. if it's just a cyst - that's nothing to worry about, right? hope you get through all this ok. we old girls need to stick together

rosie - i am so glad you and your husband are there for each other - you are a gem. stardust,
hold your husband close cause he sounds like a winner picking up the slack. you don't have to plan or drive the bus all the time. have you tried antidepressants to help you through this? it can really help, it's not a cop out, it's chemicals. we're chemicals - when you suck all the water out, i think we are about 3 pounds of chemicals.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 42

Hi Rosie & Diva

Thanks for all your understanding and kindness. Got the lid on the worm can today. lol

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 85

Hey Stardust

I really understand how you feel. I have always been the strong one. When everyone else gives up or crumbles- I was always the one left standing. My husband and I are each other's strength. When me depression was at its worst- I felt guilty that I could not give him the support he needed emotionally because I was such a wreck. We had a bit of a betrayal issue in our relationship and he ended up having panic attacks after the confession. I tried to be strong for him, even though I was falling apart, until I did not have strength left for either of us. I told him the truth about how I felt and we both agreed it would be best for me to focus on helping myself first because I couldn't support him in the state I was in. He was very supportive. When I shouted, he would make himself scarce and when I cried he would hold me. I realised that everyone is entitled to a break and even a breakdown from time to time...... We should not feel guilty about things beyond our control. Just by gettig up in the morning, we are still fighting the good fight.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 910

Hey Stardust,

I totally understand what you mean about feeling guilty and miserable. Negative thinking is part of depression. I think applying negative thinking to ourselves and how we perceive ourselves is just a little step away. I know I feel guilty and miserable alot. I keep feeling like I don't deserve the good stuff since I don't manage to cope well enough with the rest. Sily isn't it. When I start thinking that way I try to ask myself, If my friend was in my shoes, would I tell her all the harsh things I tell myself? What would I say to my best friend?

Anyway, just wanted to say I get it!

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 42

Thanks Rose 306, Goofy and CindySue

Lots of valid points and kind thoughts.

Should probably have written miserable not rotten (I think rotten used in this context may be local slang where I was previously living).

Mmmm - if misery of menopause displays the same as depression then is it not yet another form of depression. Anyone know.

Yes Rose I had a hysterectomy about 20 years ago and been on HRT since.

Felling more caring, passionate and determined today - thanks Goofy

My thought for the day is going to be - I love myself , I like myself - thanks CindySue

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 32

Dear Stardust,

You are depressed, depression is an illness. Please give yourself some kindness and dare I say it, sympathy. And in spite of being depressed you are reaching out for help by coming here and trying to work on yourself to get better. You should be proud of yourself for that. You are already feeling terrible, to beat yourself up for feeling terrible is like kicking yourself when you are down, try to be kinder to yourself, though I know it isn't easy. I finally realized lately for myself, you know what, I really am depressed. I am going to be kind to myself, I am even going to coddle myself, it is tempting to think, "I am in such a bad state I don't deserve to be treated nicely, especially not by myself" but I think the opposite is true. I deserve to do a few "pleasant activities" even if it feels like I haven't earned them because I need that to get better. It sounds to me like your husband is understanding, that is wonderful, now you need to try to be understanding. I am still depressed myself but I believe that step by step I can get out of this and I think you can, too. Well I'm not sure if that addresses your thoughts but there is my two cents.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1044

Rose,

Not to contradict or be argumentative, but one can be diagnosed with Major Depression and going through Menopause. (oh, oh pick me - lol) I take HRT for two reasons it has some mood stabilizing effects and I am peri-menopausal and it helps to ease the symptoms of hot flashes, night sweats, mood swings at certain times of the month, cramps, bloating, etc. However, I also must have my anti-depressant medication too. HRT is not the answer for that (tried it once). However, Rose I have a cyst in my ovary that is probably one of those horrid side effects you referred to! I'll deal with it as it comes (like I have a choice).

Stardust, I ditto rose's comment on the rotten. Apples are rotten, people aren't. It is obvious from your posts you are passionate, determined and caring. Replace rotten with one of those (please)!

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 201

hi again - maybe you feel like you're going to burn him out? are you sure you have depression and not going thru menopause? or did i read that you take HRT? a hysterictomy? what meds if any do you take? that could have alot to do with your changing emotions/abilities. lol, thinking can be a dangerous thing

you may be feeling guilty, you could even be guilty of things, i don't
know - but you definately are not rotten, god, i hate that word, what a horrible, demonic......rotten word!

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 42

Using this site seems to be making me think. Something I wasn't doing before. Worrying yes, crying yes.. I have a nawing concern because I am feeling so very guilty about not being able to cope with what was my normal relationship I had with my husband. I always felt that I was the stronger person, decisive, the planner and driver of most decisions and paths our life took. Now it has all turned upside down and I don't cope, don't feel or act strong, I don't plan much, in short I feel like a heap of emotional spaghetti. He is really trying hard to cope with me spitting like a cobra and then dissolving into tears seconds later. He is being strong and a pillar of support for me so why do I feel so guilty and rotten

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