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15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 32

I just realized that I might be doing magnification-- I mean, does EVERYONE laugh/smirk/ignore when I try to speak in the local language with them? What about the people who don't do any of those things? I just forget about them and focus on the few who react in a way that bothers me. I'll have to do a CBT experiment and keep track of just how the people respond, hehe.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 32

Thank you Stardust, it is wonderful to hear from someone who can relate and understand. Another aspect is that learning a new language in a foreign country actually takes tough skin, because when you go out in public and attempt to speak it, you will encounter a lot of different reactions, ranging from condescending, "Oh you speak so well!" (when all you said was Hello) to outright laughter, smirking, shock, or just ignoring your attempt and switching to English. OR people not even talking to you at all but talking to the person you are with who is fluent...I'm not saying it's the end of the world, but if you are feeling low and vulnerable...it's hard to deal with those reactions when all you want to do is go out and buy a quart of milk.

Also I start to get into a trap where I know I should try to speak it more, but then I am so worried about making a stupid mistake and looking like an idiot. I know I have to overcome that but when you are already the type who tends towards social anxiety...it ain't easy! Honestly I do need to sit down and write down my reactions and look for distorted thinking, like that whole, "If I make a mistake I'll look like an idiot." And you know what, if people laugh or smirk, so what? Those are probably some good thoughts to challenge (I'm thinking out loud here ).

Anyway, my plan is to continue on the road to feeling better, and maybe set a goal to study the language for just 15 minutes a day (any more than that will be a bonus).

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 42

Hi CindySue

I can relate to how you feel about learning a new language. I am in a similar situation - having to learn a new language to communicate with what are everyday normal issues. Everyone around me has advice like 'there are lots of program mes on the net to study, buy a Cd course, listen while you do chores' (lol) can hardly cope with the chores never mind listening to a droning Cd!. The point is yes it is all outhere but when you are feeling low and in misery land you are not able to motivate yourself to take that step let alone keep all this data in the grey matter. It is a circle, you have to know the language to communicate and because you don't know the language you feel that you can't communicate and that leads to feeling cut off and that leads to feeling inadequate, and that adds fuel to the fire of misery and low esteem.

I am trying to concentrate on feeling good about me right now and it is working, slowly. So when I reach the stage where I feel I can cope with learning language, thats when I will be motivated to do so. I have come to terms with this and will have to get by with the few words and sentences I can say until I can moved forward.

Hope my early morning wisdom helps

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 32

I could be a volunteer in a refugee camp? What's your point? *confused*

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 456

Fair enough!!

If you were an international volunteer in a refugee camp then materials would be really hard to come by and your entire environment would promote your dis-ease.

But eastern europe is relatively stable and you have the stuff at home ... so you are really in need of you time. Time to think of healing and getting yourself back into a fonctioning condition! So again welcome to the site! I hope you fine the gang of us helpful and a few of up friendly.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 32

Thanks for the welcome Goofy and Wildcat.

Wildcat, as for improving my second language...I have plenty of learning materials here at home but I have been in such a bad state lately I had no will to even crack open a book. I have just given up on EVERYTHING, language learning included. I may make one of my goals to read one page of a book in the language each day, or even just one paragraph. At the moment while it may not sound like it from the tone of my posts (or maybe it does, who knows?) I am crawling out of the bottom of a pretty dark pit where honestly I still am, though I do have the will to try to fight my way out so that is something. Learning a new language to fluency is a monumental task.

I don't like to say what specific country I am in so I'll just say it's a tiny country in Eastern Europe with it's own language that is related to Russian, kind of how Spanish is related to Italian.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1044

welcome Cindysue

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 456

hi Cindysue,

Well, welcome to the gang! I am glad that you have found the tools that you need to start your heal process.

Take things one step at a time. CBT. then you could look into learning a second language. If you have access to a library, you could look into recording. The internet might have something - there is this person who teaches the basics of several instruments on YouTube so why not a language? Maybe a community center or local primary school needs volunteer kindergarden storyteller/story readers?

Eh.. by the way what contry are we takling about? I might be asking the near impossible here .... that is my unfortunate spark when not depressed...

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 32

Thanks for the welcome, everyone.

Faryal, I would LOVE, LOVE, LOVE to take a language class, but unfortunately it is outrageously expensive here, $1000 for a course, which unfortunately I cannot afford to pay. This situation is extremely frustrating for me. I have been living here for a few years and still speak like an idiot. Of course it will get better naturally over time, 20 years from now I'm sure I'll be able to participate in conversations.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 910

Hiya CindySue,

Welcome to the forums!

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