Hi Mom of 3,
Glad to see that you feel a little hopeful after reading Rose's striking response..............it's always great to hear from someone who relates to your situation and just tells it like it is.
Please do make a concerted effort to forgive yourself............write it down every day in a journal if you have to. Part of the key to your emotional freedom is in getting rid of the baggage.
Good luck,
Faryal, Health Educator