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what do I do now?

17 years ago 0 +0 / -0 3046

I agree, sounds like a great place. I have been searching for a relaxing place. The best place I have found in a tea garden at a gardening centre nearby. There is a big garden and it is so beautiful you forget you are in the middle of a city! When I really get upset at my house, I go outside and sit under our tree and just sit. Hope you can find a nice place to relax a bit.

Another rather odd place I felt really good the other day was the airport when we went to collect a friend. Try it. If you are having a really bad day, try waiting at an airport terminal and watch the people's faces light up when they see your loved ones. It just warms the heart....

17 years ago 0 +0 / -0 3046

wildcat, I want to visit your mall! Sounds awesome. I also wish there was church around here that was that "open". I do have my meditation place in my home....but sometimes I think it would be great to have another comfy place to go. I do go feed the ducks at a local pond - but that is not meditation the way I prefer it. Anyway, sounds really nice!!!!!!

17 years ago 0 +0 / -0 3046

hi alien8ted,

Ah here are a few things i can discuss. the marrige stuff i am not comfortable with since chouette and I have been together since I was 15 and 20 years later we are still discovering the millon and one ways to be happy together.

I am in the province of Quebec. hi neighbour! and I can understand that you were unhappy with the psychiatrist. Usually a psychiatrist is the pharmacologist specialist and the psychologist is the talk therapist. Usually. You know, I do not think of meds as a cover up. I look at them as the things that give me the time to heal. The things that give me the Time to learn to deal with all the issues that occur (in my case all at the same time) in life. My psychiatrist looked at several instances in my life and my reactions to them. by analysing my reactions he sort of understood how by brain was mis-firing and tried to find a med to match the med-effect to the brain mal-function. My psychologist then had the task of teaching me to watch for what seemed like a normal mood and what was a mood swing.

alien8ted,

do you belong to a particular church or temple? or if you are not a believer there might be one close by. These big quiet buildings are the model of peace and quiet; stress-free!!! can you believe that my shopping center has a meditation room... ? with two pillows, a kneeling bench and two OLD comfy chairs. also, it has several icon reproductions, and plants and a little table-top fountaine. That reminds me, when i was at school the campus was part of an old catholic school and a chuch was in the middle of the campus... so when i was out of sorts i would sit in the church and breath in the peace.

17 years ago 0 +0 / -0 3046

Hi Alien8ted,

I just read your post and re-read your first post. I am sorry to hear that you and your husband have such problems. They sound longstanding and it sounds like you have tried to talk to him. Only you know whether there is hope for your marriage, but I get the sense that you don't have much, if any.

You say you're a talker and your husband says you "go on and on". I know what you mean. I will explain things to death. Some of that comes from my childhood - had to justify everything. Some from the first marriage - always searching for the correct set of words to make him understand my point (only to find out that he understood anyway, just didn't want to hear what I was saying). I still find myself doing it. I am working on changing it, but it's really difficult. When I find myself doing it I stop myself by saying that I realize that I'm going on and on and now I'm finished - then I stop (and that's the hardest part) Explaining something to death means that you don't feel you're being heard. If someone says you're going on and on it means they heard you. Try to stop and invite them to reply. I don't know if that will help you with your husband or not, but it will help you in other places. I notice that I do the over explaining at work too. I have to explain alot of things to people and I must be careful to not over explain, so it's helpful there.

I hope you are able to work out your issues in a way that is best for you. I think others have given you some good ideas on some of your considerations so I won't write the same things. Keep us informed on how you're doing!

17 years ago 0 +0 / -0 3046

alien8ted,

I think Canada is beautiful country though I only visited once, I would love to vacation there again! I am glad you like animals. I rescue animals as well, right now, I only have two. Dogs - one is my jodie girl and another just here until I find him a good home. Both are mixed breeds and I can relate to the unconditional love from animals and that love that we share with them.

Please don't hesitate to call me goofy. It is because I am a huge fan of the Disney Character Goofy (a dog, by the way). I think he is an adorable animated character with lots of personality. I have a great collection of "goofy" things that adorn my office and some in my office at home. I don't have a negative core belief that I am goofy, it's just a hobby of mine!

I encourage you to engage every resource necessary to maintain your family home and your pets - even if it means swallowing your pride and accepting alimony or payments from him. It takes two to be married and two to part.

Thinking about you and want you to know that you are NOT alone!

17 years ago 0 +0 / -0 185

I know that is difficult to sort all the problems you have.

As a pet owner myself I know that is not easy to take care of your friends and also costs. I have a couple of suggestions for you. For example some vets will accept to pay in small rates rather than all together and also you can ask at your local humane society if they can help you at least on the vet bills etc. Or maybe if they have their own vet.

17 years ago 0 +0 / -0 3

First of all, I would sincerely like to thank all of you for taking time out to reply to my despair. It certainly helped me get through yesterday. Hubby and I didn't speak at all after he got home from work....even though my cat was still very sick, I thought he would at least ask about her. He went to bed, and I stayed up till he got up, and then I went to bed. It seems it is the best way for us right now. As you can tell, I am a "talker" and he isn't....that is until he has held it in so long that he explodes. I am on depression and anti-anxiety meds for years, but our new therapist in our small town has not been the most helpful. I have been to a psychiatrist, but all he does is push pills, no talk therapy. Along with the depression and anxiety, am prone to panic attacks, and have overcome OCD, which on reflection is in all likelihood a genetic thing in my family

Rose...u dont have a big mouth,

but right now u are right.....I dont have the strength to leave, although I did consider it yesterday. I have no desire to ask for alimony from him, as money has always been an issue since day one.
I can never get rid of my dear animals......they have stuck by me with unconditional love, and if you have ever had a pet, you will know what I mean. 3 of them are rescue animals, coming from bad situations. But animals have always been a great comfort for me, and I cannot give them up

We have tried counselling in the past as a family, because of events going on at the time, and I tended to talk too much, and the rest said very little. It did help somewhat with the immediate problem though.

Mom of 3: I cannot talk to him......he just accuses me of "going on and on and on". Wish I had a nickel for everytime he said that in the past. There is NO communication between us, unless it is of a positive nature. If it is the slightest bit contentious, he doesn't answer me, which is even more frustrating for me.

Kentucky girl: (hate to call you "goofy"), as you can see communication is non-exsistent. Like I told my therapist, it is "like living together with someone....alone". It wasn't so bad when we had our girls, and then the grandchildren....but now, I have alienated them all, and they live a long distance away. I am in Canada, on the prairies.....Living Sky country, which I love.

Panda....I did start the depression program, but just got as far as the first session.....I must restart again, and focus on it more intently. I absolutely hate the meds, as I consider them just a cover-up for the real reasons I am experiencing the mental problems.

Sheba...as to all of you, thank you for your warm welcome.

And Josie, I can see that I came to the right place. I realize that the way this marriage is going, the stress is going to kill one or both of us prematurely. I a ALWAYS tense....not sure if I relax when I sleep, but am tense again when I wake up. Have even tried yoga and meditation, but they recommend that I do so in a stress-free area in my house (There is no such place!) I will restart the depression program on here today. Heartfelt thanks to all!

17 years ago 0 +0 / -0 12049

Alien8ted,

Welcome to our support community. As you can read, our members are very supportive and can be of great assistance to you. Communication is key, but you have to decide what is best for you and your family. Do take small steps with the program to increase your knowledge about depression and start working through the program to help you progress.

We are always here for support and knowledge.

Josie, Health Educator

17 years ago 0 +0 / -0 185

Welcome to the club!

17 years ago 0 +0 / -0 34

Hi Alien8ted,.. Hang in . Hook into the program. There's lots of wisdom here to be shared.

Reading this thread:

Evolution Health is not a healthcare provider and does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you are currently thinking about or planning to harm yourself or someone else please call 911 or go to the nearest hospital emergency room.

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what do I do now?