Hi wildcat
I'm glad to hear you had a fun holiday and that you're feeling more rested! Mine was quiet -- I'm cocooning again somewhat, and feel a little guilty for not getting my daughters out of the house to play in all this sunshine. Though I do realize that it's my mother's voice telling me we should be outside when the sun shines, and am pleased that I at least played with them indoors and didn't cocoon as completely as I have done in the past :confuse:
What I'm hearing you say, I think, is that you know what the normal/appropriate range of behaviour is, and that your extremes can be frightening, inappropriate and difficult to manage -- is that right? I don't know much about the manic side, but I can certainly empathize with being triggered by other people's emotions. I suppose that it comes from a desire to help and make the other person feel better -- is that a fear of or discomfort with strong emotions? It's not my sexual energy that gets activated, but a compelling need to smooth things out -- to comfort, reassure, rebuild. I was speaking with a friend on the phone a few years ago who was in an extreme panic about losing her apartment because she'd had an accident at work and didn't have any money coming in. Before I knew what I was doing, I was telling her not to worry, that she and her daughter could move into my house! Not necessarily a bad idea, but not one you'd go into on a spur-of-the-moment impulse just to calm someone's panic!
I don't know if this is anything like what you experience, but for me, the first part of managing it was becoming aware that I did it. Now I'm learning how to feel strong emotions, stay with them and express them productively, rather than suppress them and fuel the inner pressure cooker. I'm finding it tough, and I don't know if it's even possible to do in a manic state?
For awhile, I erected a 10 foot thick wall around most of my emotions so that I wouldn't have to feel or deal with feelings, and I still throw that up sometimes when a doubt slips in about my ability to manage effectively. The tools that I'm developing, though, are mindfulness, meditation, diverting... and CBT, I suppose, to deal with the anxiety-ridden thoughts that come into my head at the time.