I've been gone for a while. I seem to be doing better, but my wife keeps yelling at me, screaming over and over again that I'm not any better than I was before. That is upsetting to me. And why does she think it's so important to tell me that.
I had real serious issues with wanting to kill myself. I almost had to go to psych hospital. I have been seeing a psychiatrist though and I feel like I've gotten some real help in improving my thoughts and just thinking better. I also think my self-esteem is getting better. I am getting along with more people and sometimes people actually want to talk to me. It's not too unusual for me to feel happy.
I have a friend too, who's a woman. But nothing like that because she lives in a different country so it's not anything like having an affair or anything so don't get onto me about that.
I'm not getting along better with my wife though. She hates me going to a psychiatrist. In her mind, she thinks that I'm all doped up with all kinds of drugs... when actually I'm only taking 2 kinds now. She says I'm not in touch with reality, and all kinds of nasty things... and of course that I'm not getting any better.
Folks I am getting better. I am standing up for my rights and my wife doesn't like that. I think she's a bully and she hates it that she can't make me cry any more and I won't even argue with her any more. She says that my therapy is destroying me, but I feel like a real person for the first time in a very long long long time.
I am going to leave her. I have made the decision that her hostility, her anger, and her attacks on me are not only bad for me, but for the children. I need to set the example so they can see and know that a person doesn't have to live with someone who constantly curses them, hates them, and berates them, and occasionally hits them.
It's not going to happen any more. I don't care how much it costs or how much I have to pay, she is going to be out of my life.
And - NO. I am leaving her for ME and the children, NOT for another woman.
